in the white noise

Lee is still in London. I feel like I am living in the white noise….unheard but still lingering

.

The Community Arts project has finished and Lee and Annabelle are there together. God knows what they’re doing, but it pisses me off. I know that she hates going home to her parents in Gloucestershire because they are never around, a bit like mine really, but why does Lee prefer to be there with her than here with me?

He seems distant and I can’t get through to him. It’s like the Lee I used to know has gone. Every time I ask him when he’s coming home he gets tetchy and tries to change the subject. I spoke to Lisa yesterday and she’s well fed up too….he won’t talk to her either and they were so close. She reckons he is trying to avoid making the decision because he feels torn between his M&D. If he goes to his Dad’s then he’ll feel bad about her and his Mum but if he comes home he’ll feel bad for his Dad and that his Mum will have an extra mouth to feed.

Writing this has given me an idea. Dad mentioned that he wants me to do some work on reception at the surgery. Why don’t I suggest that Lee takes up the position instead? That would bring some cash in. His Mum cleans every morning for Dad there, so she will be able to give him a lift!

Then he might come home.

There are NO jobs around here. Let me put this into perspective.

There is my house and Lee’s house. We live exactly 3 minutes and 24 seconds apart (I know cos I have timed it!) and there is NOTHING else around here except woodland, a bus stop, an old graveyard and one winding country road that goes out of the hamlet towards the town where I go to college. Dad’s surgery is a renovated village hall that stands on this road just after you leave the hamlet. There are a few other hamlets and some villages around here, that’s why Dad took over the surgery, but no shops or ANYTHING.

Mum helps him out sometimes but Lee’s Mum is the only person that Dad employs right now and she cleans, as I said. He needs someone to answer the phone and book appointments etc. I was about to agree to do it in the mornings, cos quite frankly, me is BOREEEEEED and piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed off and needing some serious diversion from missing Lee and worrying my guts about what the actual fuck he is still doing with bitch face in London! I had an eureka moment with this as I made out I really didn’t want to…and bugged Dad for a compromise…which was….DRIVING LESSONS! And do you know what? He had agreed! Oh my GOD how I would love to own a frickin car and be able to get the sweet fuck out of here whenever I want!!!!

But I would rather be here with Lee than have driving lessons right now.

Oh….a text just came through.

”Hi beauty. Just to say that I will be back in my room at about 9 o’clock and I am staying in tonight. No shift. Hope you’ll be in as well. Need a long Skyper with you. Love you xx’

Aww. Ok. Where’s the Bitchabelle then? Ha that’s pretty cool! Bitchabelle!

That means in about an hour.

Right. I will go downstairs and talk to Dad about undoing our dealio about the driving lessons, and if Lee can do it instead. Then I can tell him!

Then sort out my fugly face ready to Skyper…..

Laterz 🙂