September 25, 2013
September 25, 2013
September 21, 2013
Don’t wait until fight or flight kicks in before minding your breath. Controlled breathing not only keeps the mind and body functioning at their best, it can also lower blood pressure, promote feelings of calm and relaxation and help us de-stress.
While the effects of breathing techniques on anxiety haven’t yet been studied at length (at least not in a controlled clinical setting), many experts encourage using the breath as a means of increasing awareness, mindfulness or, for the yogis among us, finding that elusive state of Zen. To get to the bottom of the breath work, Greatist spoke to breathing expert Dr. Alison McConnell, yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco and psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer. But follow closely: breathing easy isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.
From the confines of a bed, a desk or anyplace where negativity finds its way, consider these six breathing techniques…
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September 16, 2013
Last night I got really drunk. I fell asleep probably about 4am and didnt set my alarm. Oh.
I woke up at 10am cos my phone was on my pillow next to my ear and it was lee. I didnt answer it cos I had a throat that felt like crap from the smoking and he hates that I binge smoke.
I went downstairs and found an angry note from mum about her having tried to get me up but failed and her refusal to go in my room. Fuck.
So I took a paracetamol and ate toast, drank coffee and had a shower. College? Pfff no. I called kate and asked her to email me her notes from classes today. Couldnt face it.
Went out and spent some time with chester and let him bound upstairs to the attic. Then noticed that skype was back on my laptop but no lee.
I couldnt be arsed so ended up reading through some old blogs. One particular one from back in april made me think about my anger. I promised myself to aplogise to lee and curled up in my dirty duvet and drifted back off to sleep.
Woken up again at 1 by my phone and there was lee on my lappy screen. It was time for me to grovel big style and we ended up laughing ourselves sick about something or another.
He wont believe me that annabitch is homing in on his pants though. I know she is going to slip up some day soon and then he is going to eat shit!
Oh yeh. Why was the twat in his room? Cos she had put her stuff in his room over summer to save money on rent on her room. I didnt fucking know that lee had had to pay half rent to keep it and so they had shared it on one room. HIS ROOM. So she has been sleeping in HIS BED?????!!!
IF I FIND THAT OUT SHE IS DEAD DREADLOCK SCRAPS!!!!
Gotta go. Lee is back in his room. Laterz…
September 15, 2013
Yeh so I am a bit cut right now. Mum didnt notice the bottle of vodka i snuck into my trolley at ASDAS yesterday afternoon. Ha.
Yesterday Lee came on skype and I noticed there was some BITCH shape moving behind him. I asked who it was and he moved aside and i saw ANNABITCH there with her back to me leaning over his bed. She turned and WAVED. i did not wave. I stuck my middle finger up at her forgetting lee could see. He just fucking sat there and stared at me for like, ever. I stared back. Not in a nice way. Then my screen went blank and my desktop appeared showing the image of lee in the graveyard that i put on there before skype etched itself permanently there.
I tried to call him but he texted me to just let him alone for a while. Wtf? I know i shouldnt have done that but i did. Thats how i feel muthafukas!!!!!!
I am way out of it.
He called me today and we had a fight. GREAT!!!!!!
FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK!!!!
Doesnt he get it? She wants him. She hates me and is trying to cause problems. Like when she told that Cloe to go in his room knowing full well that i would see her on skype. She is so vindictive but he cant see it! Now she has won…BITCH
I feel like drinking the whole bottle of vodka tonight and not texting him back or calling. Or answering. I have got some smokes as well…leaning out my window when its windy and raining is making it difficult. I dont care. I will smoke here on my bed and listen to angry music till i fall into drunken oblivion…
College in the morning! Hahahaha! I dont think so…..
September 14, 2013
Lee went back to London yesterday.
I’ve literally just managed to drag my depressed ass out of bed. I don’t know why I thought I had to do it because now I can’t even be assed to do anything. It’s cloudy and I feel cold. I’m sitting cross legged on my messy bed wrapped in my duvet that I haven’t changed (cover-wise) for about a month. No kidding .
I didn’t sleep much last night. I had some bad ass dreams that made me wake up in a complete stress panic and at about 2:30 I decided not to go back to sleep so I fucking just went out for a long walk for like, FOREVER.
He left at about 10am. He was booked on a coach from town to London and got there at 3 in the afternoon and fucking bitch Annabelle was waiting for him at the coach station at Victoria. Like I really needed to know that? He texted me and then I didn’t hear from him at all last night so he basically left me here on my own for the first time in what? 2 months? FUCK.
I don’t even know how to write how I’m feeling. I don’t know WHAT to write. Thing is I don’t know WHAT to do about life at all right now. I can’t stand the thought of having to go back to 6th form on Monday and start the whole numb-skull process of getting through each fuck boring dull day again with the same shit. I know how it will go; Get up at 7, get ready, have breaky, catch the bus….have 3 classes of various crap, then go home and do homework, skype with Stella, Lee and Dim and stay up too late reading or watching movies, fall asleep….you get the black picture!
What can I do to stop the rot of 2013/2014 setting in? Apart from the half terms and holidays when I (hopefully) get to spend time with Lee.
It hasn’t been all romance and flowers in a meadow of passion!
We haven’t, or should I say I haven’t, got over that issue about me being almost pregnant. We spent a good week after that not really communicating. I felt like we weren’t suited on a non-romantic level..like we had just been surfing on a huge wave of lust for all this time and hadn’t noticed how little we have in common. I know we HAVE cos we spent the first gazillion years being best buddies, but when something like that hits you, it’s like, woahh and what the actual fuck do we do now!
Lee wants to get married in his twenties and have a family, at least 3 kids. I don’t. Hence the big hole in my heart. And when I say I don’t I really fucking MEAN I don’t. I want to travel, I want to go work and live abroad like my Aunt did, I want to be wild and free and a fucking liability in my 20s not some slipper wearing, bun of hair wearing, apron tied mother and housewife dying of boredom. I would defo become a drug addict or severely alcoholic. Lee or no Lee, I can’t do it. I had visions of us doing all the crazy shit together! Yes, MY crazy shit which I had never discussed with him because I ASSUMED we both shared that desire.
Fuck my fucking life.
stella thinks I should break up with him now. She reckons the longer we carry on the worse it’s gonna be when we break up like a few years time when he wants THE FAMILY. How the HELL can I? I love him to absolute distraction! He’s the other( better) half of me.
We haven’t talked about this because let’s face facts. I am 17 years old, yes nearly 18 but…wtf should I have to talk about THIS for????
I don’t know if it has ground into his brain as deep as it has in mine, but he seems a bit more distant, like we both suddenly grew older by 10 years. He is now 29 and I’m 27. Somehow I don’t think we’ll still know each other by then and THAT makes me want to lay down and die, quite frankly.
Stella’s like ‘There are so many other guys you could go out with and meet, and you’re off to Uni as well so imagine it there, all those sexy rocker boys.’
I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE.
Well, except perhaps Dimitris, but let’s not discuss that in this post.
Mum’s calling me.
Ok so I will try and muster up the energy to lift my fingers up and write some more later. I have a load of work to do that of course I forgot about during the holidays. I could have done it as well, Lee being at work every morning, but that’s me. Procrastinator supreme.