oh sweet lord above.

January 21, 2014


I need to immerse my heated skin in a cold bath. Let me get my hands on him! 3 days to go!

Happy New Year. Maybe.

December 27, 2013

Yeh so Lee is at his Dad’s with Lisa. Until tomorrow night. Yay!

Oh my GOD every time I see this dude he gets sexier, I swear! He just looks and smells so amazing to me, I can’t understand how other girls refrain from throwing themselves at him and raping him!

So I said he was turning up at about 10pm but it went a bit tits up because he got here at 9pm and Mum let him up to my room without shouting up that he was here. He caught me having a sneaky fag out the bathroom window! He wasn’t happy about it and said I reeked of it, but I shut him up by snogging his gorgeous face off. He said he had to go back home and see his Mum and Lisa and I was like, ok sexy but when are you coming back to ravish me? Ha!

He did come back. We spent an amazing night together, neither of us slept and M&D were all about the quezzies next day cos I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Oh yeh, they have lifted the ban on me having fun just until Lee goes back. Thank God. I told him about it anyways and he wasn’t happy about my smoking but said he doesn’t own me and therefore can’t tell me to stop. I explained that I don’t smoke much and he seemed ok about it. Just concerned about my health which is fair enough. Even if he had told me to stop I wouldn’t have done cos I am so fucking bloody minded.

Christmas Eve I went to Lee and Lisa’s and we watched some TV and a couple films. Joel stayed until about 10pm and then had to go, he wanted to drive back in the night, back to Surrey, and spend Christmas with his family. Lisa was gutted. I felt for her. I went back home and spent some time with Gramps and Nan before they went off to bed. Then of course waited for Lee to climb the tree at midnight and ……..*£(&^$%^^&&!!!!!

Christmas day was better than what I thought it would be. I got up pretty late, around 11am and Mum was freaking out because she thought I hadn’t made my Christmas dinner veggie style. But I had, it just needed microwaving!


Jamie Oliver’s Vegetarian Cannelloni

Get the recipe here:


I got dressed up in a long silky jade green skirt, a black loose weave jumper with stars in a kind of glittery thread, purple tights and my docs. I have left my hair a pale shade of blue and it looks like it’s got purply lilac in it cos my Aunt put some semi permanent streaks in it the other week! I should have taken a selfie but tbh 1. I’m not that vain and 2. No one wants to see my ugly mug splayed across the internet!

Then I went to get Chester in and put his Christmas collar on him, then called Lee to say hi and Dimitri in Greece. I went downstairs and sat with the oldies while M&D were in the kitchen preparing dinner and Nanna goes ”So, Casey, who is the tall, dark and handsome boy I saw running across the yard early this morning?”

I died. Shrivelled up and almost blacked out.

I sat there and felt like I wanted to die. Then I burst out laughing. You know when you are so shocked, like when someone tells you some really bad news and you laugh cos you don’t know what else to do? Yep. And I couldn’t stop. On and on. I was snorting and snotting everywhere. Dad poked his head round the door and asked me what the heck was going on….I had to leave the room. I stayed in the downstairs loo for about 15 minutes and Mum came and asked me if I was ok and that she wanted a wee. I came out and walked back in. Nanna was asleep! Pops winked at me and whispered ‘It’s alright, love, your nan can keep a secret!’


So then I opened presents. I got a new sewing machine from Pops and Nanna, which I have wanted for EVER, 18 driving lessons from M&D and guess what was attached to the voucher? A certificate, like a promise from Dad that when I pass my driving test, he will BUY ME A CAR!!!!!

Yes, you read it right. BUY ME A FUCKING CAR!

Then Dad gave me my present from Yiayia and Papous in Thessaloniki. Two envelopes. The first one had a letter inside from Olympic Airways saying that I had two return flights to Thessaloniki this summer and I could phone them up and arrange the dates when I was ready. TWO!!!! Second envelope. I opened it and there was a booklet in there about Greek Language courses in Thessaloniki. Yiayia had put a note inside saying that I could research this online and let her know which one I wanted to do and she would go ahead and book it and pay for it! I went online and found it:




We can stay in Yiayia and Papou’s garconier!

Well stoked!

Oh man. My Mum is calling me down to eat. I’ll try and post again soon but Lee is back so….hibernation mode 😉


Going out, baby..GOING OUT!

October 25, 2013

Lee’s taking me out, oh Lee’s taking me out…oh Lee, Lee, Lee. HE IS TAKING ME OUT!

Yeh, so Joel has gone back to London and Lee is going to get taken back by his Mum on Sunday night. I think Lisa and Joel are an ITEM because I went round there today and they were all cozied up on the sofa, clearly more than friends. I asked Lee and he raised his eyebrow in that SEXY way he does when he’s not sure about something or he thinks something’s dodgy as fuck, and then smiled. He was like, Oh man Joel! JOEL and my SISTER? I think he’s cool  with it though. I wonder how cool Marie is? Lisa is the same age as me (nearly 18) and Joel’s lee’s age, 20, nearly 20.

I made lunch for him today and then we took Chester out for a long long walk in the woods where we met. We made out bigtime in our clearing and we almost went way too far. It was freezing cold and wet, but we nearly did. I really missed his soft but manly guitar playing artist’s hands and his warm soft lips…..grrrrr! Then we stumbled back home and found that M&D were OUT so we spent a scrummy couple of hours upstairs carrying on from where we left off in the woods….yummy yum yum yum. We managed to get ourselves showered and dressed, downstairs drinking coffee when the Nazis got home.

Lee told me that one of his old mates from college is playing in his band tonight and he wants us to go. It’s in a pub, not a massive gig, but it’ll be fantasmagoria! I think it’s called ‘Leatherblack’. heavy metal. I can’t wait.

So, we’re catching the bus into town in like….20 minutes so I’ve got to post this and get going. Getting a taxi back to HERE later on. I’ll try not to drink too much else I’ll just get home and crash with no yummy yumzi with Lee…I have to make the most of it while I can! Getting drunk v sex with lee? No comparison!

Oh he’s here. I think I look ok. My hair is a bit flat, but I love the colour at the moment. Pale blue pastel. I found a nice new eyeliner as well and it looks ace with my hair. Just wearing black skinnies and a black lacey blouse with cut out shoulders and my Docs. Ready to go! Just another squirt of my Black XS perfumio and my skull scarf and faux leather jacket and…..I’m off!




August 13, 2013

It has been ages since I wrote anything here. That’s because life got in the way! Hey I mean it’s not often in the last year or so that I have felt like I HAVE a life, so man I am making the most of it! Nothing has really changed. My daily routine goes along the lines of getting up late (11am ish) going out with Chester to the woods for a long walk and then sitting in the garden catching some UVs. The weather has been fucking amazing and I actually have started to LIKE the sun! I have always thought of myself as a rain and dark kind of goth girl, but lately I am inviting the sunshine into my morbid heart. I think Lee has got a lot to do with it. Even when it’s cloudy and rainy I still feel the sun cos I know he’s nearby.

So after lunch Lee finishes work at the surgery so he comes round and we have to pretend to be best mates cos Mum is home then. We usually eat in the kitchen as we are soooooo not allowed upstairs. FFS. M&D have laid down the law about my allowance. They reckon I should have been the one working at the surgery this summer as I am a ‘spoilt madam’ (cheers Mum) and I don’t appreciate the value of anything. It is much better that Lee works there anyways as he is still giving his Mum and Lisa money cos his Dad is a complete tool.

Yeh so I have to do everything for myself now, Check this out:

  • Wash my own clothes, iron them and put them away. I don’t iron anything and I don’t put much away either. This is because…
  • I have to clean my own room. Mum says she isn’t coming in unless the ceiling falls in through my dirt rotting the carpet and floor away or if she smells it. That would be difficult since I sleep in the attic which has its own stairs. My room is constantly a fucking tip. It winds Lee up something bad but I can’t change how I am!
  • I have to go shopping to ASDA with Mum on Saturdays mornings with this allowance she gives me, and buy my own food. That also means…..
  • I have to cook my own meals. Mum is sick of cooking vegetarian. So now I have to either eat before them or after as Mum is a frickin nightmare to be with in the vicinity of a kitchen…
  • I have to wash up.

I am kind of getting used to it but it’s loads more effort than relying on Mum. My cooking skills are improving gradually and I like going online and printing out recipes. Lee is well impressed so that’s a biggy.

I hope it won’t continue down this path when I start college again or I will be freaking out 20 hours a day trying to do shit.

Lee gets pissed with me. He’s like, ‘You should do all this now so that when you go to Uni it isn’t a shock to your system and you’ll be able to eat more than cold beans and take-out crap.’ And he reminds me, annoyingly so as Lee does, that I am the one who wants to be more independent. That person is always right!!!

On a negative, shitty point, we have been bluing out at each other a lot lately cos I won’t tell my M&D about us. He feels awful that he has to climb the tree and sleep with me under their roof and then go and face them at work all morning. He is nobler than I am and I can’t get the fuss. I say it’s only a few more weeks and he’ll be going (hmmmmmmmmf) back to London so screw it and let’s enjoy it! No, he’s all about the guilt. Yeh but if I spill the beans we are BANNED from seeing each other!

Another shit time was when I was convinced I was pregnant. Yep. We use condoms and (of course) Lee is really careful, but one night I was convinced it split…then I was late for like 5 days on my period and I am NEVER late. I absolutely SHAT myself for days. Lee wouldn’t come over, we met up in the woods and I didn’t admit what I thought for days until I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. He was white as a sheet and said I had to tell my Dad so I could get emergency contraception, but I said no fucking way and the subject of telling them about us came up and we had another blue. Man. I thought we were going to split and he didn’t come sleep with me for two nights. He didn’t abandon me though, he did keep calling but I refused to agree to telling my M&D. It was a horrible BAD few days but then I came on and it was ok…he said I need to go on the pill and I agree, but how can I? The nearest doc is my DAD! Lee told me he will go with me into town and go the Family Planning Clinic, which I didn’t know existed. I don’t know what to do. If they find out I am DEAD. Then again Mum said she would never ever go in my room again, so she would never find the pills. What if I got ill though and Dad treated me, not knowing about the pill? Could that be dangerous?

Now there is this weird cloudy haze over us. Like our relationship has come to a wall. There are issues that we need to address after this scare, like my reaction to being (potentially) pregnant. I told him I would want to get rid of it FOR SURE but he was really horrified at that. I am not even sure I ever want kids…he clearly does cos he said that it would be difficult and we would both have to sacrifice a lot for a baby right now, but he wants a big family some day anyway so it would just be sooner rather than later. Er……………WHAT NOW????

I should be pleased that he would stand by me, but it freaked me out, I am only 17. So much I want and need to do in my life. I know he is really family orientated, that’s one reason why he hates the fact I don’t confide in my M&D and tell them about us, but I am not. I am an only child who really isn’t close to her parents.

I hope this doesn’t mean we haven’t got a future together. This is a biggy.

We are fine now, but I know it has shifted how we relate to each other, almost like the innocence has gone.


It’s still magical but every time we have sex I think oh shit me…what if……

Oh I think he’s here…I just got a text from him telling me to go down and let him in cos he’s soaked. Is it raining??? Oh bollocks, no walk in the woods then!


I still love the rain


Some local newspaper took some photos of Lee, Annabelle and all the kids for the Community Project this afternoon. They have interviewed Annabelle already and want to talk to Lee tonight. The fucking dark-ass horse never told me they took some cool photos as well…him and Annabelle, with her expensive bloody camera…no no no no no no I hate that thought! But anyways he says this one is for me……..yeh it’s pretty damn gorgeous as well! Look at my eye candy!

images (27)

Sorry it’s a short post but I a talking on Skype with the eye candy man himself so gotta get back to him.

Night 3

May 30, 2013


Yes so again I lay in wait, waiting for my prince to shout from below my chambers, wanting to be let up into my lair………..(except he’d better not shout or Chester will wake up and so will Dad. Oh my God!)

As you can imagine, last night was amazing. I can’t describe how complete he makes me feel; how loved and how desired. I feel blessed. I have talked to a few other girls about their relationships and they say that they have fun in bed but it’s usually a fast and furious thing, over too soon. Passionate but short lived. Not mine. Lee seems to LOVE exploring and taking his time. That’s fine by me. I think if he just shagged me and turned over and went to sleep I would lay there and cry. I know I can be an insensitive bitch but Lee has really got me, in so many ways. he has melted my ice cold heart and warmed up my hostile and unaffectionate body!

I imagined that sex would be a nice physical thing, but has proved to be so much more. I have fallen more in love with Mr Chapman with every night I have spent engulfed by his soft yet strong arms. I asked him last night (laying there looking at each other, eyelids half down, tired out but not wanting to sleep), if I was special to him or if the other girls he’s been with have made him feel the same as I do. No. No way, he said. He has never felt so connected to another human being mentally and physically. Wow! I also asked him (I don’t know why I did but I had to know) whether he ever felt like sleeping with other girls in London. I mean he worked in a bar for fuck’s sake. A ROCK bar no less. His answer upset me slightly, but I DID ask! I expected him to go ‘no casey, my love, I only want you, I only think about YOU and no other girl ever occupies my mind.’ He didn’t though. He said that he sees a lot of beautiful girls in the bar and a lot of them are slightly, and sometimes very, pissed and they flirt with him. Some even stay there til closing so they can try and get him to go home with them! )Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!) And he enjoys the flirting but that’s all it ever is. AND~(as said almost word for word):

”I am in love with you and that, for me, means I can appreciate other beautiful girls and feel flattered when they chat me up, but I only want you. Most guys can separate sex and love, but I can’t,at least not anymore. I could when I was 15 or 16 but not now. I could never get the same satisfaction from a one night stand however sexy she was. Call me weird, but that’s how I feel. So there you are. ”

Speechless? Yep.

So he will be up the tree soon. Mum and Dad are still up but I know their routine down to the last movement. if they fucking knew what goes on up here! Good job there is a flight of stairs and thick Victorian floors separating their bedroom from mine. I still hold a pillow to my face (very very often!) so I don’t make any loud noise when Lee is doing delicious things to me. OH GOD I LOVE HIM!


I wonder what sex really feels like for guys? I feel a bit weird when I think about it. I mean, we talk about everything, despite my usual icy exterior and unwillingness to divulge emotional stuff, but I will NEVER know how he is feeling while we are doing the deed. THE DEED Hahahahah! I know it’s fucking good whatever it is, judging by the noises HE makes! What’s wrong with me, I can’t get enough of him. Am I a nimfo? If so, well I don’t give a monkey’s chuffer.

Oooo. Silence in the house. Time to send the sex text!

I might pluck up courage to ask him to describe what it feels like…………….

Has anyone reading this ever had that conversation????!!!!

Just found this. An interesting thread! I want to ask Lee so badly now. I’m interested in his analogies………… velvet slipper? Hahaha


Songs of silence

May 29, 2013

That was an awesome evening…he has left me highly frustrated and hornsome now…and M&D ARE STILL UP!!! They are NEVER still up at this time (12:10 in the night). WHY? Why now? lee keeps texting me…’Can I come back yet I need you…I want you…..”

This is seriously TORTUROUS!!!!

I love this track for night time lazing:


we ‘watched’ these

I say watched…..pffff. You know. And yes, Mum DID come upstairs. Put it this way thank god we’ve got creaky stairs.

Oh finally I think they have gone to bed.

Off to sleep with  you both!!!

Oh no it’s chucking it down out there…….well I’ll just have to make sure Lee gets straight out of his wet clothes as soon as he gets here.

Bad girl. Very bad.


Night 1

May 28, 2013



Poor Lee. His M&D are splitting up. Hence his Dad is going to live in Leeds. His mum and siss get to stay here so Lee will be coming here for holidays which is good for us (selfish Casey) but right now it’s all raw.

He climbed up to my room at half past midnight and just collapsed on my bed in silence. Then he told me everything. He cried a bit. I just lay there stunned, not knowing what to say. I’m not good with intense emotions, especially coming from something I don’t understand. If my parents split up, I don’t think I would be that bothered. That’s the honest truth.

All I could manage was a few ‘oh my god’ s, which he must have thought lame as fuck. Then after a while he rolled over and hugged me (of course I obliged) and we stayed like that for a while. He kept thanking me for being there and listening to him. I must have done right after all.

Then he started snoring.

I guess this is where Casey has to grow up and realise that life can get in the way of passionate wild nights of sex.

I set the alarm for 6am and after lying there in his bear-like arms for about a blissful hour (secretly hoping he would wake up and ravish me) I must have fallen asleep too. When the hideous thing woke us up this morning, we talked for a bit longer and he said he felt a bit better from just being able to rant to me. He promised we would hang out later today and with a long kiss and hug, he disappeared into the morning haze. He looked so sexy, his hair all over his sleepy eyes.

I feel like I have turned a corner. We slept together but didn’t sleep together. Isn’t that kinda cool?

It was also good to be there for HIM for once and to see HIS vulnerable side. It’s usually him there for me, giving advice about college and my parents. Yes, defo a good night.

I couldn’t resist taking this photo…



February 25, 2013

Did that really happen?

I am assured by my beautiful lover that yes, in fact it did! I don’t want to spill all our private stuff on here, it’s not appropriate, but I am just overwhelmed by how I feel, how it has changed everything in my life. All the stories I have heard about nightmare first experiences of sex….and mine couldn’t have been better. I was in heaven until we fell asleep cuddled up at about 3:30am. We only had 3 hours sleep but I felt more alive than ever before afterwards, even though he was falling over trying to get dressed in the dark and sneak down the tree back to his house before any of our parents woke up. I remembered to tell him not to enter the garden at the back cos of Chester, who would have gone apeshit if Lee had appeared creeping past his little house.

I do not know how I got through today at college. I don’t remember much of yesterday only that I couldn’t get up out of that warm nest of a bed that smelt of Lee…Lee’s skin and Lee’s warmth. I still haven’t changed the sheets or pillowcases and won’t for ages. Hahahaa. I didn’t even want to have a shower but thought I should seeing as I had to face M&D sooner or later yesterday evening!

Oh we have spent hours on the phone talking and going over those delicious sexy moments again and again. He was soooooo gentle, I think I was the one who was a bit rampant but he wasn’t complaining! Oh I want to talk about it from the first second he slipped into bed with me but I can’t…secrets…for him and me only!

All I will say is that it was perfect. We had candles, we had warmth, we had time, we took it slow….we got to know what each other likes, we laughed a lot and had fun. We were like two people who fit together, like we were separated and now we have found our other halves. Oh I long for it again. I wish I could just have a kiss, a hug and look from those deep dark eyes of his…feel those silky hands running all over my skin…….

Casey….stop…. 🙂




Sex part 2

February 24, 2013

Rolling over, face buried in pillows then sheets then duvet, his smell engulfing me. My senses are so alive, so electric. I want to laugh and I want to cry. No, bawl. Scream my lungs out. Happy. Full. Empty. Sad. Ecstatic. He has gone but he is still here. In this bed. In my arms. What a night! He left at 6:30am. The alarm had been set before he even sneaked in, both of us being petrified that we would oversleep and get found out again. It was so easy. The hard thing was to let him go but after about ten minutes of hugs and kisses and longing looks, he climbed back out the window, me clinging to him til the last second, wishing he would drag me with him. Either that or stay. Locked in my attic forever. I have not been able to move since he returned, through the door this time, to say goodbye. Ironically mum let him come uo and see me in my room, saying she didn’t know why I hadn’t come down for breakfast yet!
Another 10 minutes of clinging and rolling around in our maelstrom of sheets before he put his beautiful soft hands on my face, looked deep in to my eyes and told me he loved me and that it had been the most amazing night of his life.
Goodbye was all I managed to say before the heat in the back of eyes threatened stupid tears. I managed to blink them away until he had left and I heard him say bye to mum downstairs. The crying started and hasn’t yet stopped. I don’t know how I can feel this sad and be this happy at the same time. I just want to wallow in this nest of a bed forever.