Uni, Lee, Chloe, Annabelle, Simon, Joel…….Cait, Spence, Alex and Hayden.

My hair.

My room.

London.

Freedom.

Yeh, so I’ve been in London for about……2 weeks I think. It’s all a hedonistic blur! M&D wanted to see the room in the house-share (they didn’t think it was good enough for me, as I said in my last post, because they thought that after having a huge attic room to myself, I wouldn’t cope. They STILL don’t know that me and Lee are together and that I will NEVER be sleeping in it anyways) so we (me, Lee and them) came down about a month ago. Lee had begged Chloe, who had been in the house all summer, to clear out all the shit from the box room cos it was apparently jammed with unbridled crap from a year already in that place. When we got here, M&D were quite impressed with the house. Dad said his student house was hideous, so judging by this one, his must have been DIRE. I’m not saying anything cos I know that London prices for students are horrendous, but it’s not the cleanest or most modern house. It needs a good lick of paint, but who am I to say? Lee was taking the piss saying that student houses are never top notch. I don’t care. We get to live together! That’s all I care about!

So this was what we found when we arrived:

$_86 (3)

 

Dad measured up and said that we could fit a single bed in there but not much else. Mum wasn’t impressed, but I just was all like, YEH WOW I LOVE IT! (Ha!)

As I said, only Chloe was in there over the summer as she works with her Mum in a boutique nearby. Lee had worked for a few weeks in the holidays before he came back to Lincolnshire (pissed me off!) and I think Simon had too. They had paid half rent or something, to keep it over the summer.

This is the kitchen:

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There’s a table just to the right of where I’m standing so it’s not bad at all.

Lee’s (OUR) room is just next door to the box room and it’s on the top floor (of 3). Chloe’s room is also up there and a toilet. I wish me and Lee were on our own, but at least we don’t share a corridor with Annabelle or the others as well.

This is the living room:

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There’s more space to the left where we’ve got another sofa (Dad bought it) and it’s cosy, especially with all 6 of us in it! me and Lee always sit on the sofa Dad bought us and the others tend to avoid us. probably because we’re all over each other and they want to vom. Lol.

So that weekend, we went to IKEA (I hate that place. I wanted to get a bed from somewhere a bit quirkier, but no) and Dad bought a low storage chest thingy instead of a frame bed cos he said it would be impossible to store clothes anywhere (unless I’m in living in Lee’s room hahaha! I love saying it over and over. Totally defying them!) So the new mattress went on top of the chest and he also bought me a desk for my computer etc. Mum changed the hideous curtains and also, we found mould and other grossness on that red carpet so dad took it up and Lee helped him put this laminate down that looks like wood floorboarding. Pretty cool!

Oh yes and that night. Oh that night! M&D kipped down on the sofa bed in the living room, Lee slept in his/our room and I had to sleep in Chloe’s. She stayed at her Mum’s. I was MORTIFIED. I hate sleeping in other people’s beds and that’s why I NEVER went to sleep over parties when I was younger. Bloody shit. And knowing full well that Lee was next door!  I was all up for sneaking in but he wasn’t keen. The wuss. Just cos the nazis were downstairs! What’s the difference, I asked. You sleep in my attic room while they’re on the next floor down! Muppet.

So next day, bright and (too) early, we returned to Lincolnshire. The landlord came just before we left and Dad paid him for my first term’s rent. YEY!!

So the rest of the summer was spent with Mum fussing over what I needed to take like what kitchenware I needed. Lee kept telling her NONE but the wacked out bat didn’t believe him (see previous pic. Sarcastic as fuck-can’t see any fucking saucepans there can you?) As far as Dad was concerned he’d done his bit and thank God he stayed out of these proceedings, except for his insistent obsession with the crime rate around the area. BORING.

I also had to clean out the attic room, which I nearly died doing. Lee helped me but OMFG was it shit. It took us 4 days and about 25 bin liners. Utter carnage.

Saying goodbye to Chester was awful. Dad rung the landlord and asked if I could take him, but he said he needed to ask the neighbours (students both sides) and didn’t get back to us before we had to leave. Update on that, GOOD NEWS! The neighbours don’t mind and we’ve got a back yard for him to go out when he wants the loo, plus a park nearby for walks, so he’s coming after Christmas! YAY! I miss him so much.

I didn’t start Uni for a week after we came so I had some time to settle in and (after they’d left) Lee had to sort out his crap to make room for mine. Mum fussed yet again over my ‘room’ although it’s so small, really THERE IS NO CHOICE about where furniture can go!

She started crying as well on the Sunday night when they left. How embarrassing. Lee was all like, ‘Oh Mrs Papadaki, don’t worry, we’ll look after Casey, she’s in safe hands’ and all that, when I was cowering, wishing her to stop blubbing in front of the others, who had arrived by then and were lugging bags and boxes in. I felt a right knobjockey. Thanks Mum. Lee was pissed off with me for not giving her a hug and stuff. NO. He did though, the sap!

She has called me every single evening since then. Great.

So, this is what my room looked like directly after they left:

bedroom copy

it’s nice but it hasn’t stayed like that!

There’s no room for doing art work so we put my computer on a table in OUR room and we’ll have this for doing my art work on.

computer moved to lee's room copy

As you can see, it’s messy already! That’s totally me though isn’t it? Lee gets annoyed with me. (well, I say ‘annoyed’. Lee’s version of annoyed is looking at me and raising his eyebrows. He’s too chilled out that dude!)

Oh. Part 1 over. Lee wants me to go to Tesco with him to get some stuff for dinner. I’ve got so much more to write! But work beckons tonight and some serious DVD watching, so I bid you farewell, and hopefully I’ll be able to catch up sooooooooooon. Oh this is a portrait Lee did of me. He got it enlarged on canvas and it’s on the wall in OUR room!

Life is fuckerty good!

lee's portrait

London, baby!

August 21, 2014

It’s been an age since I posted, mainly because I have been bombing it this summer, including spending every waking second I can with the scrum-bum Lee-face! And I got my A level results.

I’m in! I’m going to London to do my Art Foundation Course!

I wanted to write and let everyone (all 3 of you that read my blog hahaha) that I’m still alive, very very much so, and what’s going on. This weekend, well tomorrow specifically, I am going to the capital of AWESOME with Mum, Dad and Lee and we are going to check out the house, you know the one that Lee lives in (The Feral house as it has been named. I have an incline as to why and I can’t wait to find out more) because they’ve got a spare room. Ok, so we all know that I won’t be spending A SINGLE night sleeping in any spare box room, but M&D don’t know and if M&D knew? Well let’s just say, SHIT and FAN, and lots of it cascading off!

I know,I know. I’m 18 and shouldn’t let them control me, but what choice do I have? There’s no way until hell freezes over and I give birth to Brenden Urie’s love children, that they would pay rent for me to stay with Lee. I mean if they knew we were together. So I play them to get what I want. Lee’s still riding my ass to tell them, but I won’t. He’s freaking out cos he’s like, ‘Oh Case, they’re going to buy you a new bed and stuff, which you’ll never need, it’s a waste.’ Ok then, what would you prefer? Me living in some Halls miles away that they have to pay through the nose for? I mean this rent for the house is a pittance compared to any rent for Halls. It’s got 5 massive double rooms and this single room which they use for junk. They all pitch in and pay the rent monthly which is something like £1200. It’s a run down old Victorian so it’s cheaper than normal. That divided by 6 of us? Bargain. For London prices it’s ridiculous!

M&D are all stressing about it saying how can I live in a tiny box room when I’m used to the attic space I’ve got here. I just said that you know, London’s a huge city. I’d rather spend my first year there around familiar faces and plus the fact Dad’s got another 3 years after my Foundation to fork out for me. That seemed to sedate them, but we’re going tomorrow so they can check it out and Lee’s going to get rid of all the crap in there so Dad can measure up for my bed. Hahaha. It’s just going to be an extra space for me, maybe to do my art. Lee’s really tidy, so it’s better to avoid any screaming matches by having my messy space and letting him do his unmessy art in ‘our’ room. OUR FUCKING ROOM! How cool is this?????

I don’t know how I’m going to handle the Annabitch situation, but at least I’ll be able to keep my beady eye on her better from up close!

Mum’s stressing me to start packing what stuff I want to take, but I’m too excited…

Meanwhile, in normal life, I am still having driving lessons but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take my test before I leave. Bummer. Lee says that it’ll be a nightmare bringing a car to London anyway as there’s nowhere to park it outside the house and it’s a dodgy area so my insurance premium would go sky high. He reckons the tube is the best for students anyway. He gets to travel around for next to nowt with his student oyster card. Sorted!

So I just can’t wait to be a weird, freak of an Art student in LONDON! This is like a fucking dream come true! I wish I could take Chester but no pets allowed. Chloe’s got a cat in her room but the landlord doesn’t know. I think a barking dog would cause a stir. Plus there’s only a scraggy overgrown garden (that slopes upwards, how creepy) and Lee reckons it could have any chemical crap in it cos there’s old paint pots and shit littered around. I don’t want Chester getting his paws on that!

I’ll be back at Christmas anyway..

I hope I’ll find time to blog once I’m there. I will try. It’s going to be hella different from being here all on my tod every day and night! I have loved this blog, but I guess I have used it as a convenience for my lonely rantings. I don’t imagine I’ll be lonely any more!

Ok. lunchtime. Lee’s coming in a while and we’re going to start making a list of what I’ll need. OH MY DAYS! LONDON!

gif-london-places-uk-Favim.com-372820

Yeh so not a lot going down on the life front.

Hence my none committal blogging habit that I’ve recently developed.

College. College. College. College.

So what’s the same?

  • still passionately and vomtastically in love with Lee-face.
  • I still love/hate living in the middle of rural Lincolnshire like a disease-ridden hermit. I will wake up one morning and find someone has painted a massive X on my door. Plague resides here. Do not enter. Social disease!
  • Lisa sometimes comes round and hangs but we haven’t got a lot in common. Just her sexy brother and her pseudo-love of rock music.
  • Chester is my only friend.
  • Dimitri is a second contender for the ‘sexy as hell boys I know’ contest. He’s currently dating his next failure. I give it two weeks max.
  • College is dull and pointless. Oh except for the fact that I need the A Levels. Darn.
  • People at college are twats. Except Spencer. He’s ok. Not sexy at all though, so it makes it easier to be his friend.
  • Parents are annoying the hell out of me. Can’t wait for September.
  • driving lessons are wicked. I drive like a serpent.

So what’s different?

  • Apart from fuck-all? Fuck-all………..
  • my hair is purple.
  • my aunt and I finished the second chapter (draft 1). read here:

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/2014/03/21/chapter-2-first-draft/

  • she has designed a front cover. It’s full of creepy awesomeness. Look here:

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/the-silent-angels-book-cover-muse/

  • I am listening to this……

I prom that I’ll try and write more as soon as work eases up a bit. Too much for my brain to absorb……….

for front cover silent angels 4

 

2014 so far….

January 12, 2014

I haven’t blogged since before New Year, in fact I haven’t blogged THIS year at all. Sounds so bad.

I left all my college work til last minute and when Lee left last weekend I had to get it all done. In one day. Feeling SHITBALLS about life as I usually do after he has gone. I went back to college for one day and then started (well, continued) to feel like shit and dad said I had a virus. Then I started chucking chunks. It was vile. I have been off this whole week, just curled up in bed between hurling into a bowl on the floor and visiting the loo. Just fucking hideous.

There’s not really much to write about, well nothing exciting at least. I had a perfect time with Lee. He came back from his Dad’s the day after boxing day and wasn’t in a great mood, but that’s understandable. He spent some time with his mum after that but kept coming back at night. I had my period (yeh, thanks for that. GREAT TIMING) so it was no sex but he still wanted to sleep in the same bad as me and cuddle up. Result. Stella’s boyfriend doesn’t stay with her when she’s on so I feel blessed that lee sees me as more than a shag at night. I just LOVE waking up all tangled with him. He’s got really hairy legs and it feels weird but I have got used to it hahaha.

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We had another blue about me not wanting to tell my parents. I think I mentioned that my Nan somehow found out that Lee was in my room? She left me a note in one of my jacket pockets saying that she knew about ‘the boy’ and that she wouldn’t tell M&D but that I should be really careful. We’ve already been through the pregnancy scare once so we are both more aware of that possibility. I told him that it’s not long before I (hopefully) get accepted on the foundation course in London so we can be together. I just HAVE to get into Uni in London. What if I don’t? It’s not worth thinking about. My first choice is St Martin’s, not because lee is there, but it’s the best one in my opinion. My second and third choices are Chelsea and Kingston. I have applied already and I have to get at least a B in each of my A level subjects to get into St Martins. This is why I am freaking out most of the time and spend all my time working! I managed to persuade Dad to let me go to London to do my Art Foundation because there are NO foundations courses close by around here and because I have done A levels, that’s the next step before my Degree. Lee did it differently, I think he did BTEC so he could go straight to London and start his Degree.

I just can’t wait to get away from here, even though I love it for the serenity, lack of humans and woods and nature. I need to meet cool people, be with Lee, stop all this insane jealousy about Annabelle, and be in a place that inspires me and lets me be Casey.

I listened a lot to Lee playing guitar this holiday. I really want to learn but when he tried to teach me I screamed like a dick cos it really hurt my fingers! Here’s a GIF I made of him playing. I did it on Photoshop.

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So tomorrow it’s back to the grindstone and the rat race. Fuck it. The one positive is that I’ll be starting driving lessons on Tuesday evening and the sooner I get my licence, the sooner I get a car and the sooner I’ll be able to motor on down to London whenever I feel the fuck like it. I would set off at about 11pm, drive for about 3 hours cos there wouldn’t be anyone on the motorways at that time really, and get to London at about 2am….spend a divine few hours in bed with Lee and then drive home by about 8am and get ready for college. Then die at about 2pm that day from being trashed! So what, Fuck it.

QadITiR

Oh forgot to tell youz. One of the prezzies Lee gave ‘us’ for Christmas was this cute pillowcase set. He has taken one with him though so we are both sleeping on them.

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So ….dinner time for me now. Uggh I still feel a bit queazy. Oh well. I can’t stand the thought of anymore fucking soup. Vomtastic. I wish I could drink copious amounts of wine to get me through to February half term. So fucking LONG. Amber Leaf, red wine and Chester.

th (1) th keep-calm-and-drink-wine

hair casey pink

~C~

Happy New Year. Maybe.

December 27, 2013

Yeh so Lee is at his Dad’s with Lisa. Until tomorrow night. Yay!

Oh my GOD every time I see this dude he gets sexier, I swear! He just looks and smells so amazing to me, I can’t understand how other girls refrain from throwing themselves at him and raping him!

So I said he was turning up at about 10pm but it went a bit tits up because he got here at 9pm and Mum let him up to my room without shouting up that he was here. He caught me having a sneaky fag out the bathroom window! He wasn’t happy about it and said I reeked of it, but I shut him up by snogging his gorgeous face off. He said he had to go back home and see his Mum and Lisa and I was like, ok sexy but when are you coming back to ravish me? Ha!

He did come back. We spent an amazing night together, neither of us slept and M&D were all about the quezzies next day cos I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Oh yeh, they have lifted the ban on me having fun just until Lee goes back. Thank God. I told him about it anyways and he wasn’t happy about my smoking but said he doesn’t own me and therefore can’t tell me to stop. I explained that I don’t smoke much and he seemed ok about it. Just concerned about my health which is fair enough. Even if he had told me to stop I wouldn’t have done cos I am so fucking bloody minded.

Christmas Eve I went to Lee and Lisa’s and we watched some TV and a couple films. Joel stayed until about 10pm and then had to go, he wanted to drive back in the night, back to Surrey, and spend Christmas with his family. Lisa was gutted. I felt for her. I went back home and spent some time with Gramps and Nan before they went off to bed. Then of course waited for Lee to climb the tree at midnight and ……..*£(&^$%^^&&!!!!!

Christmas day was better than what I thought it would be. I got up pretty late, around 11am and Mum was freaking out because she thought I hadn’t made my Christmas dinner veggie style. But I had, it just needed microwaving!

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Jamie Oliver’s Vegetarian Cannelloni

Get the recipe here:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/christmas-honeycomb-cannelloni

I got dressed up in a long silky jade green skirt, a black loose weave jumper with stars in a kind of glittery thread, purple tights and my docs. I have left my hair a pale shade of blue and it looks like it’s got purply lilac in it cos my Aunt put some semi permanent streaks in it the other week! I should have taken a selfie but tbh 1. I’m not that vain and 2. No one wants to see my ugly mug splayed across the internet!

Then I went to get Chester in and put his Christmas collar on him, then called Lee to say hi and Dimitri in Greece. I went downstairs and sat with the oldies while M&D were in the kitchen preparing dinner and Nanna goes ”So, Casey, who is the tall, dark and handsome boy I saw running across the yard early this morning?”

I died. Shrivelled up and almost blacked out.

I sat there and felt like I wanted to die. Then I burst out laughing. You know when you are so shocked, like when someone tells you some really bad news and you laugh cos you don’t know what else to do? Yep. And I couldn’t stop. On and on. I was snorting and snotting everywhere. Dad poked his head round the door and asked me what the heck was going on….I had to leave the room. I stayed in the downstairs loo for about 15 minutes and Mum came and asked me if I was ok and that she wanted a wee. I came out and walked back in. Nanna was asleep! Pops winked at me and whispered ‘It’s alright, love, your nan can keep a secret!’

Jesus.

So then I opened presents. I got a new sewing machine from Pops and Nanna, which I have wanted for EVER, 18 driving lessons from M&D and guess what was attached to the voucher? A certificate, like a promise from Dad that when I pass my driving test, he will BUY ME A CAR!!!!!

Yes, you read it right. BUY ME A FUCKING CAR!

Then Dad gave me my present from Yiayia and Papous in Thessaloniki. Two envelopes. The first one had a letter inside from Olympic Airways saying that I had two return flights to Thessaloniki this summer and I could phone them up and arrange the dates when I was ready. TWO!!!! Second envelope. I opened it and there was a booklet in there about Greek Language courses in Thessaloniki. Yiayia had put a note inside saying that I could research this online and let her know which one I wanted to do and she would go ahead and book it and pay for it! I went online and found it:

http://www.ikariancentre.com/lang/en/greek_language_courses_thessaloniki

OH MY DAYS!

AND LEE CAN GO WITH ME!

We can stay in Yiayia and Papou’s garconier!

Well stoked!

Oh man. My Mum is calling me down to eat. I’ll try and post again soon but Lee is back so….hibernation mode 😉

 

I’ll get straight to it, cyber friends.

1. I’m grounded. I pointed out to Dad that IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE I feel like a prisoner here anyway.

2. Lisa went to LONDON. Yes, LONDON, the same city as Lee..and not only that but the same ROOM as Lee! More on that tragedy later. If I haven’t thrown myself out of my attic window before I get to the end of this rantblog.

3. Dad won’t let me have driving lessons. Because according to his warped sense of good parenting, being grounded includes not going out in a car. Fuck off!

4. My loving parents are threatening to make me move into one of the spare rooms. Hideous much? Bare this in mind: my attic room spans most of the length of the house. BIG. The guest room in question can fit a single bed in it and one chest of drawers. NO.

5. College sucks. I cannot even begin to explain how much it is sucking right now.

On Wednesdays evening Chester got out of the garden and started a bid for freedom down the lane towards the surgery. He has done this before but that was in the day and I found him after about a half hour. But at night there are no lights around which is bloody chuffing cool normally as it makes the whole area spooktastic, but for losing dogs…not cool.

So I leg it out the front door and trip over some random stupid ass box or rock or something and go flying arse over tit onto the driveway where Dad is pulling in. I am literally sprawled everywhere like I am doing angels in the gravel, and my bag has nose dived, opened up (that’s probably due to the fact I never zip the bastard thing up) and things have splayed out in his path. One of those items HAPPENED to be my tobacco. My trusty stash of Amber leaf. Yes, the rolling delight that I hardly ever smoke. Needless to say Dad picks it up and demands I find Chester and then get my self in the house for a ‘talk’. By talk, he always means ‘I will shout at you and not let you open your mouth in response, not even to defend yourself against my gross injustices, because I am older than you therefore assume that I am right at all times.’

I was almost crying with rampant rage fever while looking for Chester and I reckon he must have sensed I was hovering on the edge of despair, stumbling amongst the twigs and shrubbery, calling his name like a Banshee. He turned up quickly and I took him through the front door and upstairs to my room, stiffly perching on the end of my bed thinking what to do to calm down. I usually would have rolled a ciggie and smoked it through the bathroom window, but obviously Dad had got the fucking packet and I couldn’t remember if I had another stash in my room somewhere.

So I just went downstairs and faced the music. Yes, I got shouted at and no, I didn’t get to explain that I smoke probably one cig a day, maybe a few more if I get really stressed at college. I never smoke in the evenings because I am Skyping with Lee while doing my coursework, right, and he HATES the fact that I smoke and thinks I gave up. I have one before I sleep out the open bathroom window. Big wow, let’s hear it for the chainer!

So he grounded me. To be honest I retorted back with the fact that I already feel like I am grounded anyways, but he didn’t give a monkey’s fart as usual. It’s ok, let’s leave my (nearly) 18 year old daughter to rot up in the attic. That’s child (nearly adult) abuse…surely?

Of course the shit hit the fan on Friday night when Lisa texted me, telling me that her (cool as fuck) Mum had allowed her to go to LONDON for the weekend to see Joel. I called her immediately to get the facts of this smash to the gut, and yes, it was all arranged. She could go on the condition that she sleep in Lee’s room and lee would be keeping his eye on her. I think I hung up on her because I was just like, WHATTHEACTUALFUCKISGOINGON!!!???

and I called Lee. He was weird about it, and so he should have been, I mean what a fucker for him as well! What could he say? He asked me if I would come, well he BEGGED me to seeing as Joel was coming all the way to Lincolnshire to pick Lisa up, I had to come too….he didn’t care if we were all sleeping in his room together, he wanted to see me. BUT I WAS GROUNDED! And I couldn’t tell him why else he would have gone apeshit. But I hate lying to lee..I just had to say I was grounded and I said that I had fucked something up at the surgery and I think he believed me. He was sooooooooo gutted and even offered to talk to my Dad to try and redeem the situation just this once. But I couldn’t let him could I? Dad would have told him the real fucking reason!

So I did something hateful. I told Lee I would give him Dad’s mobile number by text so he could talk to him. This was at about 5pm and Joel was due to arrive at 5:30pm. I knew that Lee was going to work soon and probs wouldn’t be able to call me about the missing text message so I just DIDNT text him it. Lisa kept calling and texted me about a million times saying to pack my bag and just COME, but I was too distraught to even talk to her. I vowed I would never talk to her again at that point.

5:30pm. I was just sitting on my bed staring into space. I had about 10 missed calls from Lee and texts asking me to send the number quick cos Joel would be there soon….and then ones like, ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ and ‘Case, where are you, answer your phone,’ etc etc

The final text from Lisa. ‘Joel’s here and we’re about to go. Please Casey, come! My bro is desperate to see you!’

No response.

I sat there for a long, long, agonising time. I hadn’t dare look at Skype, in fact I had draped a scarf over the screen and muted it so I couldn’t hear Lee’s pleading voice.

I think it was around 10pm when Lee called me, on his break. This time I answered. he wasn’t pissed off, just really really upset with me. Lee doesn’t DO angry. Sometimes I wish he would cos Lee upset is worse. I told him that Dad wasn’t speaking to me and I thought he might shout at him if he called. Lee was all like, Case, I maybe could’ve talked him down a bit, me and him get along well…

Yes, but Dad thinks we’re just mates. Why would he think Lee was being so eager to get me to London? He would have smelled shit shining and I would then have got the third degree about my relationship with Lee.

I hate my life.

So I had to put up with watching Lisa in lee’s room waving and being nice, like Lisa is. Just be a goth! Stop being so sweet! She annoys the fuck out of me. I haven’t been able to Skype with Lee properly or fall asleep with him, cos Lisa has been there. Granted she did SLEEP in Lee’s room, but I can tell you, she spent most of the nights with Joel. I saw the door creaking open at 4am on Friday night and 5am last night. I was so jealous of her there, I wanted to hurl at the screen. Lee has been weird with me as well…as bit distant. I guess he is thinking why we have to hide everything from my parents after all this time when Lisa n Joel have been together a few months and she’s there. Why does he put up with me?

I have just Skyped with Lee but he said he was tired and has fallen asleep already. And I’ve got to go to twatting college tomorrow. Oh the joys. Why can’t being grounded include not having to go to college? Fucking double standards! No wonder I don’t want kids when I grow up. It’s all bullshit…parents just play around with their heads and cut all their puppet strings whenever they feel like it and think that knotting them back together afterwards will make them ok again.

I will never be ok.

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Because lee’s not here yet. And I’m boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored.

He’s working. Why? Well to cut a long story short, his Dad has decided that he’s not going to be sending his Mum and sister any money! WTF would be about right. I mean, it’s NOT right that he should do this, surely? Lee has been on the phone with him every night trying to sort it, but apparently his M&D had a huge row and that was the last thing he said to her. Lee is, of course, fuming with him for many reasons. The obvious being that he HAS to provide for his family even though they are filing for divorce. He will have to pay them money legally so why stop now and make it worse!? Poor lee has had to scrounge extra hours in the bar to send money back to his Mum while this childish situation gets resolved. That leaves me and him up in the air as to when he can come back home for the summer, as well as the problem that he can’t stay in his house over summer without paying rent, which is massive. His Dad’s not going to carry on paying for his rent (if he’s in such a fucking foul strop) for Lee to work to send money home to his Mum. lee said that he’s willing to lie to his Dad, saying that he’s got to stay and do Uni work, for the sake of being able to stay and earn some cash! Jesus fucking Christ.

I just listen to all this every night, trying not to get upset, trying to be supportive, thinking WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME!!!??? I don’t want him to have extra ball ache because I’m whining like a bitch at him. Fuck it!

Dimitri has gone to Thessaloniki for the summer and is, as we speak, at his parent’s summer house in Halkidiki. Mmmm. Jealous much? Hell yeh! I miss him. He hasn’t got an internet connection that can support skype so we just use msn and texting. Ouch. He told me that he’s dating three girls there already, all from Thessaloniki. Again, I try not to think about why I am scratched by the nails of the green eyed monster when he talks about it. I don’t know why.

He sent me this a few days ago. Twist the knife RIGHT into the wound why not?Diamerisma_agora_Thesaloniki_fotografia_19113222

Ok, this is the view he had of my (Grandparent’s) balcony when I was there earlier this year and we would sit outside til late in the night talking. looks like Yiayia has been clearing out a bit cos there are some cupboards and stuff there. I MISS MY ROOM SO MUCH!!!

I have been writing to my Greekies and I got a letter back from Yiayia the other day. I will post it on here, it’s amazing to see the Greek writing. I showed it to Dim on skype and he translated it for me. Awww I love my Greekies! I want to go back so much and I keep having dreams about it. I wake up and feel so sad. Lee is always there with me and Dimitri. I wish it could be like that…

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So I haven’t been doing much, just moping around. I know I should be happy that college is over til September, but surprisingly, I am am feeling deflated after the exams. I guess it’s cos I feel like I am DOING something constructive in my mission to get away from here and go to London with Lee when I am at college and working towards exams. Afterwards it’s back to being 17 year old Casey who still lives with her parents in a house in the middle of nowhere. Going nowhere with only Chester dog for company.

I did get to go shopping with Mum (well, I say with, but she went to Next and I went to some charity shops) and these are two things I picked up. Cool eh?

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There are so many things I want to do, but can’t. Like:

1. Get a tattoo on my wrist. (M&D forbidden).

2. Get a nose ring. (M&D forbidden).

3. Go to Greece and hang out with D.

4. Go to London and hang out with Lee.

5. Go to my Aunt’s and help her write the next novel about me and Lee. (I might get to do that soon actually).

Basically, this is what I have done every day since I broke up from college:

  • Got up around midday.
  • Taken Chester for a walk.
  • Showered and put makeup etc on.
  • Sometimes eaten breaky and mostly not!
  • Sent Lee and Dim a text message each and replied to them.
  • Tried to tidy up my room and sort out dirty clothes, taken some downstairs, shoved them in the washing machine.
  • Attempted to iron some but given up. How dull is that fucking job???
  • Gone for a walk in the woods again with Chester.
  • Read a book or magazine. (Currently reading The Ritual by …..some guy and can’t get into it!)
  • Surfed around on Youtube for any new stuff on paranormal investigations.
  • Listened to music. Current favourite includes Sneaker Pimps.
  • Had a cheese and pickle sandwich.
  • Written some diary stuff.
  • Talked to lee on the phone or Skype.
  • Stared out the window and missed Lee a lot.
  • Gone downstairs to eat with M&D. Avoided a lot of topics -of -the- day for example, what are you going to do for the next 6 weeks, Casey?
  • Helped Mum (not Dad you notice!) clean up the kitchen.
  • Back out to take Chester for a walk. Stayed out a long time cos I love this time of day. Twilight.
  • Watched TV in my room or some youtube vids.
  • Listened to music on my i pod. Dozed off.
  • Woken up at around 12 midnight to talk to Lee on Skype. He texts me if he sees I am asleep hahaha! How cool is that!
  • Watched a DVD or something else to try and take my mind off missing Lee (approximately 3am each night after he falls asleep).
  • Fallen asleep around 4:30am……………

Cool. Not. Very not.

Things have to change………..

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Who would miss me?

June 9, 2013

I have been thinking about this a lot. And I have just read another blog saying exactly the same.

It’s at times like this when I have spent my entire weekend doing college work (we have got given details about our end of year exams which are actually AS Levels) and been trying to call/text people just to hear someone else SPEAK and no one is picking up or answering, that I feel just so fucking lifeless and devoid of purpose.

My parents…well Dad has been working all weekend. He usually does, this is the thing about him being the only Doc for miles around. His own daughter going through a SHIT time but he doesn’t seem to know or bother to ask. Mum has been either out in the garden fiddling with her flowers and paving slabs and hasn’t called upstairs hardly at all, just to tell me when meals are ready. Then she usually just gives me mine and goes off somewhere else saying that she has had hers and Dad’s is plated up ready for when he gets home. And???

Ok, I know I could go downstairs into the garden more often, play with Chester there, but she usually shouts and says he scuffs up the lawn or tramples the flowers. That’s why I always take him to the woods. My haven.

Stella is NEVER free to talk. Always with Ian. Or is it Mark? Fuck’s sake I can’t keep up with her.

Kate and I haven’t spoken for about 2 weeks.

Dimitri is in London this weekend. I think it’s a cousin of his or a relative at least, who is doing a Masters there and he’s gone to spend some time with him. He says he gets tired of speaking English sometimes and needs to kick back and speak his own language. I get that, it must be hard. I tried to talk to him in Greek the other night on Skype but he fell about laughing as soon as I opened my mouth so he has put me off doing it now, the evil shitface! Yes so anyway, he’s not picking up.

Lee. I spoke to him this morning but he’s got a shift at the bar today. He does only weekends now. I will get to talk to him later on at about 11:30, but meanwhile…???

He gets a bit pissy with me when I talk about this anyway. He thinks I am being hostile and should try and talk to my parents more instead of hiding away in my attic, away from the world. Yeh ok, but he’s really close to his M&D and sister. I am an only child and do not have anything in common with my parents. Except that my Mum used to be a good artist and my Dad is Greek. Loads then!

I can’t be arsed to talk to them. Am I a bitch?

I like my own company. Is that wrong?

I’m allowed Chester up here now as well so even less reason to go downstairs into Mum’s domain of Elle Decor magazine.

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I’ll just listen to some music and stare outside at the setting sun. It’s peaceful.

Unlike me.

 

 

I don’t know how or why, but I have been nominated for above award by

http://primalnights.wordpress.com

and

http://hauntedteenager.wordpress.com/

To be really damn honest here, I don’t know WHO reads my blog…and it doesn’t matter THAT much cos it’s a place for me to rant at (oh so many) things that make me CRAZY and just about everyday crap that occurs. None of my friends know I write a blog so it’s kinda safe and I feel free! I’m pretty sure that’s the case for a whole bunch of other Bloggers here as well, but anyways THANKS to these guys, I really appreciate it!

So now I have to do what I have to do….

Here are the Little Rules.

1. Display the Award Certificate on your website.

2. Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented your award.

3. Present fifteen awards to deserving bloggers

4. Drop them a comment to tip them off after you have  linked them in the post.

5. Post seven interesting things about yourself

So here goes!

Here are my nominees (sorry not 15!) I am putting them in categories cos it kind of shows you facets of my personality and therefore you will understand a bit more about me… and also…you can select whichever you like to read based on my descriptions!

So.

General thoughts and diary style blogs

(some of which include rantings and stuff about relationships and similar issues that I blog about):

Avalanche of a Mindset  www.rhairyza.wordpress.com

I Speak Lyrics www.kec98.wordpress.com

Just another Teenage Blogger www.justanotherteenageblogger.wordpress.com

Life from the Queen of Hearts www.lifefromthequeenofhearts.wordpress.com

You are a Wallflower www.youareawallflower.wordpress.com

Primal Night’s www.primalnights.wordpress.com

Thank you all for making me realise I am not alone in feeling fucked up!

Ghosts/Horror & films/Dark Stories

Freaky Folk Tales www.freakyfolktales.wordpress.com

Graveology www.graveOlogy.com

My Life with Ghosts www.mylifewithghosts.com

Spider Goddess www.spidergoddess.wordpress.com (mystic subjects)

Animal Rights:

www.newsforanimalwelfare.com

Now for the bit that makes me cringe!

7 ‘Interesting’ (or not) things about myself:

  • I have got a birth mark on my left butt cheek in the shape (or design!) of a spider’s web and I love it..
  • I am half Greek. My Dad was born in Thessaloniki in the North. I am learning Greek!
  • When I was a toddler I fell into a well that my parents didn’t know existed and I was there for 12 hours. I wasn’t even hurt when they found me. Not a single scratch!
  • I have a ghost girl in my attic bathroom. I see her watching me sometimes.
  • I am an only child. I think that’s why I hate sharing stuff and I am anti~social!
  • I have got a dog called Chester. I love all animals and do NOT eat them or wear them.
  • One of my ambitions is to live on a self sufficient farm in the middle of a forest.

Thanks to everyone who follows me and reads my garbage! 🙂 34705_485251998184137_751667628_n

Animallib

Animallib (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Depressed…or just bored?

February 3, 2013

Ok so my last few posts have been morbid. I don’t want this one to be the same~ moaning, missing Lee, bored with life. The thing is I want to write amazing, interesting blogs, but when I get to the weekend and look back on the week I realise there’s nothing interesting to write! 

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I know I’m not a normal teenager. Last night, Saturday night, what did I do? I took Chester for a very long walk in the woods, got very wet, came back, washed him down, went upstairs, sat on my bed for ages staring outside at the tree tops listening to Veronica Falls, watched a documentary on YouTube about parallel universes, texted Lee (many many times), went downstairs and stole a glass of wine from the kitchen (M&D had dinner guests) watched some more stuff about Paranormal Investigations, watched American Horror Story (must blog about that at some point. Violet is ME. Her dad’s a Doctor, she’s an only child, grungy, moody, likes Morrissey, hangs out with ghosts in an old mansion house…) and then waited to skype Lee. Then remembered it was Saturday night and we don’t skype on Saturday night. Why? Well because he goes out with his art student buddies…..’nuff fucking said about that…another reason I hate Saturday nights…

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Violet

Called him. He didn’t answer.

Waited for the attic room to consume me in my jealousy and longing.

It didn’t. Unfortunately.

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I tried to write something here but I couldn’t even manage one single line.

I tried to write a list of things I love to cheer myself up. Here’s what I came up with:

  • Chester and our walks in the woods.
  • Skyping (with Lee and Stella)
  • Reading strange books. Eg Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Stephen King…
  • Watching documentaries about ghosts, parallel universes (a new interest of mine), social issues, asylums, criminals etc
  • Drawing and painting (subjects including above themes)
  • Listening to music. (Band names too many to mention)
  • Surfing the web to find ideas for clothes/outfits and upcycling
  • Going to charity shops and buying things…ie clothes that are made from amazing fabric to cut up for upcycling. (If I find a style that I like, for eg a blouse, I cut it up carefully along the seams and lay it out as pieces. Then I make patterns in the fabric I want that match exactly then sew them all together to make a new blouse. Get it? I might have to post a demo to show everyone.)

Things I want to do: (Not including all the ‘things’ I want to do with Lee!)

  • learn Greek. I am half Greek and my dad says he will teach me.
  • Go to Salonika. That’s where Dad is from and my grandparents that I don’t know live there. I will be able to talk to them if I learn Greek. (Kalimera is good morning. I remember cos my mum said ‘Kalamari’ instead which is squid!)
  • Have a bunch of 3 or 4 really good friends that come round and sit in my attic room, drinking wine and talking.
  • Join an URBEX group. (Urban Exploration~exploring abandoned buildings)
  • Do proper Paranormal Investigations (starting in my bathroom hahaha!)
  • Have the inspiration to paint more.
  • Learn to play violin (M&D have already said hell no!)

Ok so now I need to figure out how to inject some enthusiasm into my Sunday.