March 30, 2014
Yeh so not a lot going down on the life front.
Hence my none committal blogging habit that I’ve recently developed.
College. College. College. College.
So what’s the same?
- still passionately and vomtastically in love with Lee-face.
- I still love/hate living in the middle of rural Lincolnshire like a disease-ridden hermit. I will wake up one morning and find someone has painted a massive X on my door. Plague resides here. Do not enter. Social disease!
- Lisa sometimes comes round and hangs but we haven’t got a lot in common. Just her sexy brother and her pseudo-love of rock music.
- Chester is my only friend.
- Dimitri is a second contender for the ‘sexy as hell boys I know’ contest. He’s currently dating his next failure. I give it two weeks max.
- College is dull and pointless. Oh except for the fact that I need the A Levels. Darn.
- People at college are twats. Except Spencer. He’s ok. Not sexy at all though, so it makes it easier to be his friend.
- Parents are annoying the hell out of me. Can’t wait for September.
- driving lessons are wicked. I drive like a serpent.
So what’s different?
- Apart from fuck-all? Fuck-all………..
- my hair is purple.
- my aunt and I finished the second chapter (draft 1). read here:
- she has designed a front cover. It’s full of creepy awesomeness. Look here:
- I am listening to this……
I prom that I’ll try and write more as soon as work eases up a bit. Too much for my brain to absorb……….
February 3, 2014
Boom! What a fucking awesome weekend I had. It started when Lee arrived with Joel last Thursday evening and we all stayed up stupid late watching horror films and snuggled up. Lee fell asleep on me a few times, but I didn’t mind at all, I was over the frickin moon just to have him beside me, all squished.
We left at 1:30am and Lee wanted to walk me home, even though it’s only a few minutes walk. The house was a whole lot of quiet so Lee just crept upstairs with me and we spent another few hours in passionate sexual bliss!
Luckily he woke up at 6am cos we hadn’t set the bloody alarm…close, real close.
I went to college but decided to leave at lunchtime cos I was knaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackered and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I fell asleep on the bus and nearly missed my stop. Duh. I didn’t text Lee, just crawled into bed and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke up at 4:30 when Mum came back. I heard Chester barking.
Anyway, we set off about 6 and Mum and Dad seemed weird. They were eyeing Lee closely when he was taking my bag to the car and Dad embarrassingly had to say ‘Look after Casey.’ No, he’s gonna drown me after subjecting my body and soul to endless hours of necrofilia! Man….lame. Tediously lame.
We bombed it down the motorway with some great tunes blasting out, although Joel likes his indie stuff more than rock and metal and we kept digging him for that. He kept trying to play us some 90s bands like…er…I can’t remember…Inspiral Carpets? eh something like that, and Primal Scream. Those two are the only ones I remember. I’m not that into it, but I like one particular track:
It kinda encompasses the mood of the whole weekend!
So it was a 4 hour car drive but it went really fast, we were all enjoying ripping the shit out of Joel and his bizarre indie tastes! We pulled up outside the student house in Tottenham. It was in a square with a fucked up church in the middle, all overgrown. The house loomed over us like a gothic cloud. Four stories of pure shambles. I loved it. The front door was up a flight of stone steps that had worn away over the years. There were still those mosaic tiles in the entrance, some of them had fallen off and lay crumbled on the floor, some others had been kicked into the front ‘garden’. It was amazing inside, one bedroom at the front, Chloe’s (but she was at work) and then through the long corridor the kitchen and the rickety old wooden stairs. Lee’s room is on the third floor with Joel’s and Annabitch has got the attic. There are two bathroom, one on Lee’s level and one toilet downstairs.
I went straight to Lee’s room to put my bags in there. Claimed! Annabitch didn’t seem to be around. Good. I hoped she didn’t appear at all. Of course she did, but I digress.
It was cold and dark so we all congregated in the kitchen with the massive old wooden table that had a broken leg and thy had put a couple of magazines under the foot to balance it. The table was the only object in that kitchen that didn’t have things strewn all over it. Pans, plates, food, bread, wine bottles….all over the worktops. Oh I wished I lived there! The table was clean and only had a candle in the middle of it in a big cut glass pink plate that contained loads of bits of paper. Apparently that is where they put messages to each other. On the top was a torn in half sticky note that said ‘Buy bread you twats, love Joel’ on it. Ha.
We had toast, so someone had bought the bread, and then we went into the living room which was on the other side of the kitchen area. A massive sofa, two tatty but oh so comfy looking armchairs, a huge patchwork rug that had holes in, a massive wall length bookcase FULL of books and art stuff and a flat screen TV. Apparently Joel’s.
We all sat there and got slowly pissed. I was tired but so happy and kind of surreal. I was away from my Nazis and in this massive bohemian palace, the sound of traffic outside, rushing by, police sirens wailing every so often, people outside laughing and shouting. It was ALIVE.
We went up to bed soooo late. Me and Lee just snuggled under the duvet and fell into long blissful sleep. I woke up a few times with a headache but couldn’t remember where the hell the bathroom was so just went back to sleep, Lee clinging to me. The single bad was cosy, man. I miss it.
We woke up at about 10am and I felt like shit. Lee went and got us some water, coffee and toast.. It was ace to sit up in bed and watch silly stuff on TV while we ate and laughed. Joel kept tapping on our door but Lee warned him away and he pushed a note under the door to call us ass clowns. Nice. Hahaha.
I had a shower. While I was in there I heard Lee talking to someone outside the door, saying that I was in there. A girl’s voice I recognised, Annabitch was there. I didn’t want to see that fucking bitch, so listened outside the door til she had gone and slipped back into the haven of Lee’s room.
Later on we went for a walk around Tottenham and then caught the tube into Camden Market, I had been there before with Dad, but it was even cooler than I remembered. Lee bought me a cool American Indian type tshirt with a symbol of freedom on it. I bought some rings and bracelets. I gave one to Lee, it looked good on him, Bronze with celtic patterns on.
We went to get a snack in a pub called The Hawley Arms. Awesome vegetarian and vegan options. Joel started taking the piss out of me and Lee but however hard he tried, he couldn’t catch me out. I have spent too many years arguing my points with ignorant twats! He LOST badly!
Me and Lisa had all day tube tickets and the guys had Oyster Cards so we decided to go to a few places around the centre, but not Oxford Street or any heaving nightmare places. We went to Atlantis European in Whitehall, which is like a MASSIVE artist’s emporium of delights! Lee needed some supplies and I bought a few odds and ends too. We then found an exquisite old market and I bought a gorgeous indian blouse for 50p!
I took some cracking photos in Whitechapel. I googled all the places where Jack the Ripper’s victims were found. Joel thought I was grim. I thought he was a douche. Hahaha. We went in the art gallery but we didn’t rate the stuff hanging in there.
Our hangovers starting getting the better of us so we went back to Tottenham. The walk from the tube station seemed soooooooooo long. Lee said that London is the most tiring city EVER to live in. When you are tired, like most of the time, everything seems huge, crowded and too far away. I get that but I still love it.
We slept for a bit when we got back. I saw Annabitch in the kitchen and she tried a smile. I didn’t bother cos I’m not a hypocrite. Chloe joined us in the living room. She seemed ok, quiet but sweet. Maybe a bit too sickly sweet for me. Annabelle sat in for a while and glared at me when she thought no one was looking her way. Lee went out when she did and they were talking in the kitchen. Awkward. Lisa tried to keep me talking until Lee came back. Distracting me?
Then we planned our moves for the evening. The guys discussed which pubs would be best and nearest. Our tube tickets lasted up til midnight but obviously we would be out later. We decided to get a cab back, but not go too far. Taxi are heaped up expensive apparently. Annabelle declared she wanted to come out with us which apart from pissing me off no end, made it difficult as we would need 2 taxis. Chloe managed to persuade her to stay in and watch some DVDs with her. Thanks Chloe! Chloe seems to sense how I feel about her.
So we got ready. I wore black. Lee loved my look. I loved Lee’s look. I could have stayed in and ravished him but the plan was to go out….hahaha.
So to shorten this part of the story. I got pissed as a fart AGAIN and posted some stupid shit on facebook via my phone while in the toilet of The Crobar in Tottenham, Lisa threw up in there and missed the loo bowl. Foul. But funny.
We also went to Garlic and Shots which is a goth/metal/rock pub like The Crowbar. Amazing. Of course Joel wanted to go to some Indie pubs but there weren’t any around there apart from The Good Ship but it was heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaving.
I don’t remember much of the rest! Just Lee telling me to stop smoking so many fags and Lee getting a bit pissed off with a guy who was trying to look too closely at my pentagram, LOL! I don’t know who I was smoking with but I must have been outside as it’s clearly forbidden inside pubs. I had loads of tobacco left on sunday so someone must have given me their fags. Joel? Maybe.
Sunday. Well. It was hell to wake up to but we found a cure and didn’t surface from the bed room until about 2pm when we had food and a shower, needing to get sorted so that Joel could take us back later on. And the rest you’all can imagine. The deathly blanket of silence as we left the tangle and hustle of London and back into the slow twirl of the countryside and the quiet. Boring. Listless. Lonely…………
What a weekend. I have felt dead since I got back here. I see Lee’s room on Skype and it feels nice that I have spent time in there, like it’s now OUR room, but frankly I AM NOT THERE so it SUCKS. 😦
December 9, 2013
2: Ever been in love? I am in love right now. Crazily.
3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Looking back, no. If I broke up with Lee, THAT would be a terrible fucked up break up
4: How tall are you? short
5: How much do you weigh? no idea
6: Any tattoos? not yet
7: Any piercings? yes, belly and nose
8: OTP? wtf?
9: Favorite Show? American Horror Story
10: Favorite bands? So many..Paramore, Nirvana, Staind, Flyleaf..
11: Something you miss? Freedom
12: Favorite song? At the moment, Korn: Never Never
13: How old are you? 18
14: Zodiac sign? Scorpio
15: Quality you look for in a partner? Opposite to me
16: Favorite Quote? Freddy Nietzsche ”One must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star”
17: Favorite actor? James McAvoy
18: Favorite color? Purple
19: Loud music or soft? Loud mostly.
20: Where do you go when you’re sad? under my duvet or out in the woods
21: How long does it take you to shower? 10-20 minutes
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 40 minutes
23: Ever been in a physical fight? Yes at Secondary School. Twice.
24: Turn on? Long hair
25: Turn off? Being a sheep (following the crowd)
26: The reason I joined WordPress? To rant to everyone or noone
27: Fears? Being trapped, Not seeing the world
28: Last thing that made you cry? When Lee left.
29: Last time you said you loved someone? Last night on Skype with Lee
30: Meaning behind your WordPress Name? I feel like I am half dead most of the time, somewhere in Pergatory.
31: Last book you read? John Green’s Paper Towns
32: The book you’re currently reading? John Green’s The Fault in our Stars
33: Last show you watched? American Horror Story Coven Episode 6 I think
34: Last person you talked to? Mum.
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? ‘Flirtyfriends’
36: Favorite food? Garlic bread
37: Place you want to visit? Russia
38: Last place you were? College
39: Do you have a crush? It has gone way past a crush
40: Last time you kissed someone? The day Lee left (and I kissed Lee, not waited for him to go then kissed someone else ha!)
41: Last time you were insulted? Tonight by Mum
42: Favourite flavour of sweet? Violet
43: What instruments do you play? None
44: Favourite piece of jewellery? Silver Pentagram
45: Last sport you played? For real? Probably Hockey at school 2 years ago. And badly.
46: Last song you sang? Paramore: Daydreaming
47: Favourite chat up line? I don’t chat up!
48: Have you ever used it? Obvioso non!
49: Last time you hung out with anyone? Saturday night with my Aunt
50: Who should answer these questions next? The ghost in my bathroom
- The Fault In Our Stars (the post in which I apologize to John Green) (straycatlogic.wordpress.com)
- Paper Towns Review and a Extremely Nice Place For a Date (skyumbreon.wordpress.com)
- Quotes from one of my favorite authors (kraycuppakarrola.wordpress.com)
- The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (paintingthegalaxy.wordpress.com)
- Paper Towns by John Green (juliesaysthings.wordpress.com)
- Dear John Green, (teensteach.wordpress.com)
December 7, 2013
The weather has been horrific the last few days, flooding and high winds. I have been LOVING being in my attic cos I can really sit and listen to the wind screaming around the roof and watch the treetops swaying, groaning when their trunks move. It sounds very eerie and intense. My Aunt Serena is here this weekend so we are going to be hanging out again, making notes for the new novel ‘The Silent Angels’. She had a bit of a tiff with my M&D about them grounding me but they haven’t changed their stupid minds about the whole thing, neither the giving Mum all my receipts bollocks. Serena has always had these bouts of grief with my Mum (her older sister) because she’s cool and my Mum isn’t. Simples.
She has brought me some tobacco but not much. She used to smoke herself and gave up so she’s a bit like, Casey it’s bad for you, but knows that I have to give up cos I want to not cos I’m told too. We’re also drinking tonight. Mum and Dad are going to some party (again) so we’re staying in (again) and watching The Conjuring, American Horror story and The Shining. And getting a bit wasted. I deserve it.
I’m not long back from the surgery shift. Or the SSSS as I call it (ShittySaturdaySurgeryShift). Mum has said we have to go shopping tomorrow instead because she wants to go to Lincoln Christmas Market today. Good luck with that one! It’s the biggest and oldest market in Europe ALLEGEDLY and it’s about half hours drive from here. It’ll be crowded to shit. Serena lives in Lincoln and took her students yesterday and said it was heaving and you couldn’t see the stalls for stupid people’s bodies. No, not my type of enjoyable day out!
Lee is a work today until 5 and then comes back to chill and Skype with me until 7 when he’s going back to the bar. He’s trying to get money to give his Mum for Christmas cos he doesn’t trust his cockend Dad to send enough to give his sister a decent Christmas. He’s so sweet! If I was in that situation I would be freaking out about the fact that I wouldn’t be getting many presents but he’s more worried about his sister. *SIGH*
I think him and Lisa are going to Leeds on Boxing Day, for two days. That’s not so bad. We’ll have plenty of time to get up to scrummy activities!
Serena has brought me lunch…mmmm (and a sneaky glass of wine!) I doubt whether I will post today again as we’re going to work on the novel this afternoon and as I said, get wasted tonight.
So, so long imaginary kindred spirits. Have a great Saturday.
Before I go, I was asking S about cool music she used to (still does!) listen to. Two bands we have been listening to are Suede, The Sisters of Mercy and Siouxsie and the Banshees. Check them out! I likey………..
November 10, 2013
Right then, I am determined to be positive all the way through this post. If I lie then I lie. Fuck it. (But I may have to put a bunch of foot notes at the end and admit some true shit!)
Ok so let’s start with my favourite subject, lee. Yeh so he finally backed down and created a Facebook page. I mean hell, is it THAT difficult?? Apparently so. I know I don’t spend much time on it either but it’s really nice to post stuff to each other, right? Well, yeh. It was cool to begin with but it’s kinda started to wear off. The novelty I mean. We Skype every day so what’s Facebook? That was his original argument and I contested it and now I hate to say I agree with him! Oh well. Anyone want to help me by making Facebook more interesting? Befriend me?
At least I badgered him into posting up a nice recent photo of himself. Wtf is his problem with his face? It’s THE most gorgeous face ON the Earth’s surface! What do you guys reck?
I caught him by surprise the day he left after half term. We were standing near the trees and the sun was peeking through the bare branches, illuminating him a bit. I had to lighten it a bit but it’s a good representation of Mr Chapman my lover!
I am pissed off this weekend (being positive has already become tedious!) because all his housemates are away and he’s there all on his own. We could set that place alight all alone this weekend! I’m glad Annabitch has gone. Apparently she is going through some counselling and has been cutting her arms. I feel bad for her (I suppose although not a LOT) cos her parents don’t give a shit, she’s only got this man-friend to fall back on (well, apart from Lee and she does that ALL the time) who beats up on her a lot. lee refuses to have him in their house so she goes off every so often to see him. Lee’s not happy about it and I know he loses sleep over her, but what can he do? He’s got his own family crap going on,even though his dad has started sending some money to his mum and Lisa, at last. Tool.
He’s going to be even busier soon cos he’s starting an Art Therapy course alongside his Fine Art degree. He wants to work with kids eventually which is cool I guess. I wouldn’t do that though, when I get my degree in Art I want to use it for something else like design. More money! lee isn’t like me in that. He reckons that money isn’t everything and we should use our talents to help other people. Ok,yeh. But I want to help myself have a good life as well!
Yep, I’m a selfish bitch! (That’s why me and Lee are great together. He’s the humanitarian and I’m the money grabber. We will be able to do great things hahaha! )
Dimitris is like me in that way. I’ve mentioned before how he and I are similar and we get on because of that, but sometimes hate each other as well! We went a week without Skyping or calling each other over half term because of one little comment I made and he took it all wrong. He is fiery and a bit judgemental like me (apparently, according to lee, very judgemental), and once he gets pissed off he can’t get through that feeling easily and so will retreat. I do the same and it drives Lee crazy as he just wants to talk everything out. I can’t and he gets pissed. I need time to heal Casey and then I come back and I can take the critique better. What’s up with that? Thing is lee takes offence, being hyper sensitive, and takes it all personally, whereas when me and Dimitri fight, we come back a few days later and laugh about it. Most of the time.
Yeh, so what about him? Well. He’s currently single AGAIN. He keeps saying that every time he gets with a new girl, he’s fine for a few weeks then he starts comparing her to me and subsequently dumps her. What can I say? I keep telling him how I feel, and it’s the truth. If I wasn’t with lee I would’ve been on the first train to Manchester months ago. We flirt a little, but I try not to let it go too far. he’s very gorgeous and attractive. We get on really well because we are so similar, but I am in love with Lee. Sometimes I DO think I might be in love with both of them, but I don’t think that’s possible.
College is still SHIT. I refuse to discuss it on this Blog because it already permeates too much of my time as it is. I always have a rant about it to Lee anyway so no more about the boredom and doom that IS my crushingly dull 6th Form. Yuuk.
Musically I listen to my favourites on a regular basis, namely when I fall asleep; Nirvana, Paramore, Panic! At the disco, Pearl jam/Eddie vedder.
Other much-listened to-lately are Flyleaf, Slint, Yellowcard and Sick puppies. Here’s a particularly fucking awesome video and track I love:
and on finding this I have also found some full albums such as these: I have just discovered Hurt. Fucking screaming.
Anyways I digress!
Talking of Youtube, I have been watching some awesome Vlogs and stuff by a girl called Sarah Hawkinson, who has her own Youtube Channel. I like her game cos she’s a vegetarian, she loves Rock/Metal music, horror films and also has a pretty cool style. At the moment she’s got a particularly fetching shade of purple hair. Check her out here:
Lee is off to work now. 6 weeks til I see him at Christmas, although he MIGHT get back here sooner if he doesn’t need to work. Same old as far as the finances go cos he needs money now for this Art Therapy Module…..
Oh yeh the gossip about Lisa and Joel! We had a great time and it ends up that those two are now an item but Lee’s Mum DOESNT know about it. Lisa thinks that she’ll freak, but Lee is all about the honesty again (oh man give it a break!) and keeps getting at Lisa to tell her. Saying that though, she has been on the phone to me most evenings going on about it in that she’s never gonna see him. Welcome to my World!!!! I do actually quite like her, but I feel a bit dubious about her newly found good style of being mildly goth and starting to listen to decent tunes. I know..I KNOW I shouldn’t judge and be shallow about appearances, but you can’t go from dancing around your living room to Lady Gaga and Britney ‘Speared’ to suddenly listening to Metallica! Morally WRONG! I will see…we talk a lot lately so I am giving her a chance. Lee would be stoked up if we got to be genuine friends.
I’m off to get food. Maybe back later but have got MOUNDS of work to get through later……………..oh and I MUST post those ghost pics I took with my Aunt!
October 24, 2013
Brendon is amazing. Talented in so many ways. Musically gifted, sexy as HELL, funny as hell, the goofy idiot…and a dog lover……and he wears makeup…NOMZ!!! If I didn’t have Lee who also a big sexy face, I would be over to the states and properly stalking his wife and pushing her over and scrapping with her in a bitch fight to win his love!
Geeky and sexy…so sexy I just can’t………
He looks loads like Lee here……nuanga!!
loving this look….grrrrrrr roaaar!
I REALLY SO JUST CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!
- Panic! At The Disco’s Brendon Urie’s ‘Starbucks Drake Hands’ Video Is The ‘Citizen Kane’ Of ‘Starbucks Drake Hands’ Videos (buzzworthy.mtv.com)
- Brendon Urie Gets Very Naked In Panic! At The Disco’s ‘Girls/Girls/Boys’ Video In Homage To D’Angelo, And NO ONE IS MAD! (buzzworthy.mtv.com)
- Panic!’s Revealing Power (briannafish.wordpress.com)
- WATCH: An interview with Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco (globalnews.ca)
- Video: Panic! At The Disco – Girls/Girls/Boys (thesweetuniverse.com)
- Brendan Urie’s personal album (contactmusic.com)
- Panic! At The Disco’s Brendon Urie: Fourth Album Is A Confessional (hollywoodlife.com)
October 13, 2013
Ok so Dad decided to NOT pay for the internet connection AGAIN. Excuse me but whatever we fight and scream at each other about, surely he has to realise that HE dragged me here to live in this wilderness of doom, with like 3 buses going out to town per day ONLY and NO buddies to hang out with because he won’t let me learn to drive…because I won’t work for him at the surgery….because Mum has laid down all these new rules and regs about what I have to do to earn my independence and I haven’t got time to do everything………..
Can you see how all this shit is woven into multi layers of crap?
So. If I AGREE to work at the surgery, Dad will pay for driving lessons and buy me a second hand car when I’ve passed my test. All well and GOOD but….
He wants me to work there 8:30am to 12:30 on Saturdays. Then I will go home and have lunch before Mum drives me to town to go to ASDAs because I have to buy my own food to cook nowadays. Fine, but as I explained in previous rant, Mum likes to spend about 3 hours roaming around ASDAs looking for ‘bargains’ whereas I plan ahead and just go chuck, chuck,chuck and to the cashier. I am always stood there in the entrance waiting for her like a complete dork. She always manages to meet people and have gossip time which adds at least another 40 minutes to the proceedings and my dork time.
So we’re talking like …getting back at 3:30-4pm. Then it’s time for me to do my chores like cleaning my room (pfff) and doing laundry. She seems to have a tally system and knows when I last washed my bedding and underwear cos she’s always on my case about it. Then I cook my dinner,eat and go straight upstairs quick to skype with Lee face before he goes to work. GREEEEAAAAAT saturday!
So that leaves me Sunday to do all my college work and indulge my hobbies. NOT ENOUGH TIME.
To be honest I don’t get up on a Saturday morning much before 12 so theoretically I COULD go and work but…I AM EXHAUSTED!!! I need that lye in…
What can I do? Circle of doom!
I try to do all my college crap during the week but Lee doesn’t work at the bar week nights so we end up skyping most of the evening. When else could I talk to him?????? It’s bad enough already that I never see him,let alone having to ration my skyping.
My dad doesn’t know but I figured out how to get wi-fi from my phone so I connected it to my laptop. Ha! I bet he doesn’t know he can do that…he uses internet for his medical research and keeps making sure I know that he is suffering from my self absorbed attitude as well as me. But now I’m not.
Yeh so nothing really changes in the land of Casey. I have rationalised my terrible jealous streak aimed at Annabitch and all the other female enemies living in Lee’s halls with him. Well, I think I have. She hasn’t done anything to majorly piss me off lately, unless Lee is deliberately not talking about her cos he knows I will kick off.
Oh yeh. Lee’s friend Chloe wants to skype with me. Lee told her about my haunted bathroom and she is also into paranormal stuff and claims to be able to do rituals that allow spirits to ‘cross over’ to the spirit realm and find peace. lee doesn’t really believe her but I will be talking to her when she gets a lap top. She’s also a Fine Art student and her Mum is French (useless fact!) so she might be an interesting person to get to know. You know what I’m like though….I don’t usually take to girls as mates, only if they are not too ‘girlie’ and have a brain.
We shall see….
Sorry for the boring post, but NOTHING exciting ever happens! It’s half term soon though so MAYBE I’ll be graced with a certain sexy man’s presence……..
Favourite song at the moment:
And when is AMERICAN HORROR STORY COVEN coming to UK?
September 25, 2013
September 25, 2013