Happy New Year. Maybe.

December 27, 2013

Yeh so Lee is at his Dad’s with Lisa. Until tomorrow night. Yay!

Oh my GOD every time I see this dude he gets sexier, I swear! He just looks and smells so amazing to me, I can’t understand how other girls refrain from throwing themselves at him and raping him!

So I said he was turning up at about 10pm but it went a bit tits up because he got here at 9pm and Mum let him up to my room without shouting up that he was here. He caught me having a sneaky fag out the bathroom window! He wasn’t happy about it and said I reeked of it, but I shut him up by snogging his gorgeous face off. He said he had to go back home and see his Mum and Lisa and I was like, ok sexy but when are you coming back to ravish me? Ha!

He did come back. We spent an amazing night together, neither of us slept and M&D were all about the quezzies next day cos I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Oh yeh, they have lifted the ban on me having fun just until Lee goes back. Thank God. I told him about it anyways and he wasn’t happy about my smoking but said he doesn’t own me and therefore can’t tell me to stop. I explained that I don’t smoke much and he seemed ok about it. Just concerned about my health which is fair enough. Even if he had told me to stop I wouldn’t have done cos I am so fucking bloody minded.

Christmas Eve I went to Lee and Lisa’s and we watched some TV and a couple films. Joel stayed until about 10pm and then had to go, he wanted to drive back in the night, back to Surrey, and spend Christmas with his family. Lisa was gutted. I felt for her. I went back home and spent some time with Gramps and Nan before they went off to bed. Then of course waited for Lee to climb the tree at midnight and ……..*£(&^$%^^&&!!!!!

Christmas day was better than what I thought it would be. I got up pretty late, around 11am and Mum was freaking out because she thought I hadn’t made my Christmas dinner veggie style. But I had, it just needed microwaving!

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Jamie Oliver’s Vegetarian Cannelloni

Get the recipe here:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/christmas-honeycomb-cannelloni

I got dressed up in a long silky jade green skirt, a black loose weave jumper with stars in a kind of glittery thread, purple tights and my docs. I have left my hair a pale shade of blue and it looks like it’s got purply lilac in it cos my Aunt put some semi permanent streaks in it the other week! I should have taken a selfie but tbh 1. I’m not that vain and 2. No one wants to see my ugly mug splayed across the internet!

Then I went to get Chester in and put his Christmas collar on him, then called Lee to say hi and Dimitri in Greece. I went downstairs and sat with the oldies while M&D were in the kitchen preparing dinner and Nanna goes ”So, Casey, who is the tall, dark and handsome boy I saw running across the yard early this morning?”

I died. Shrivelled up and almost blacked out.

I sat there and felt like I wanted to die. Then I burst out laughing. You know when you are so shocked, like when someone tells you some really bad news and you laugh cos you don’t know what else to do? Yep. And I couldn’t stop. On and on. I was snorting and snotting everywhere. Dad poked his head round the door and asked me what the heck was going on….I had to leave the room. I stayed in the downstairs loo for about 15 minutes and Mum came and asked me if I was ok and that she wanted a wee. I came out and walked back in. Nanna was asleep! Pops winked at me and whispered ‘It’s alright, love, your nan can keep a secret!’

Jesus.

So then I opened presents. I got a new sewing machine from Pops and Nanna, which I have wanted for EVER, 18 driving lessons from M&D and guess what was attached to the voucher? A certificate, like a promise from Dad that when I pass my driving test, he will BUY ME A CAR!!!!!

Yes, you read it right. BUY ME A FUCKING CAR!

Then Dad gave me my present from Yiayia and Papous in Thessaloniki. Two envelopes. The first one had a letter inside from Olympic Airways saying that I had two return flights to Thessaloniki this summer and I could phone them up and arrange the dates when I was ready. TWO!!!! Second envelope. I opened it and there was a booklet in there about Greek Language courses in Thessaloniki. Yiayia had put a note inside saying that I could research this online and let her know which one I wanted to do and she would go ahead and book it and pay for it! I went online and found it:

http://www.ikariancentre.com/lang/en/greek_language_courses_thessaloniki

OH MY DAYS!

AND LEE CAN GO WITH ME!

We can stay in Yiayia and Papou’s garconier!

Well stoked!

Oh man. My Mum is calling me down to eat. I’ll try and post again soon but Lee is back so….hibernation mode 😉

 

At last! At fucking last! lee is coming home…..

I have been here, waiting for his return, in desperate, shitty, depressing, hollow limbo for a week. WTF. I don’t know how I am still alive.

He had to find someone to replace him at the bar he works at (if he wanted to go back to that job in the new year, which he does cos it’s his only income) and find someone to stay at the house over the holidays as the landlord lives in Japan. A bit far to come and check up on it then? It’s in quite a rough area in North London so there needs to be someone there at all times ideally. He has stayed before and the landlord let him off the rent for that holiday period. Quite a good deal but not NOW. I think he said Cloe was staying and her brother is coming over from Portugal for Christmas to stay there with her. Weird. Lee wasn’t happy about her staying there even one night on her own, but she insisted. I think it would be fucking cool in a big Victorian 4 storey place, all alone, dodgy area, barricaded in! But then I am a little bit fucked up. Or a lot.

Yeh so he is setting off around 6pm and will be here about 10pm…………………………………YEEEEEEEEES!

I have managed to save up 30 quid out of my allowance to buy him something cool for Chrimbo even though he told me not to. I’ll try and persuade M&D to ‘allow’ me to take him into town tomorrow and buy him something. The fricking ‘grounding’ has not yet ceased even though it’s CHRISTMAS, the season of good will and all that crap. Fucking great parents. I really hope they ease off because I will have to tell Lee why I can’t go out with him and Joel and Lisa…because I am grounded for having smokes in my bag!

He will not be impressed.

So I have been just literally moping around. My Aunt has tried to motivate me to add stuff to The Silent Angels website, but I have been lacking motivation. Totally. I wanted to sort out my clothes but I haven’t, well today I managed to put them all away, which is a fucking miracle. That’s only cos I found out last night when Lee was coming and it cheered me up. Pulled me out of my scrooge-like existence.

Have caught up on sleep (I hope Lee has as well cos I intend to keep him up all night, every night, haha) and half cleaned out my room from a term’s worth of crap accumulated. Papers, art work, paint, books, old makeup pallets…carrier bags of rubbish, dirty clothes, broken jewellery needing to be mended…oh the list is endless. At least it’s clean. I intend to aromatherapise it up (is that a word???) and arrange all my candles near the bed area in anticipation of a few hot nights of ‘pash’ coming up VERY soon! Oh I am going to rip the clothes off that scrummy body of his. Phwooooooooooooooooooor!

What else have I done? Been to work at the surgery. Boring as shit Saturday mornings. No one calls much or comes in. I sit and fiddle with my phone. Stare at the clock, text Lee, text Dim, text Stella. Make out my grocery list for ASDAs. Look forward to my weekly shop with Mum. Not. At. All. Grumpy cow.

Pops and Nan are coming on Tuesday. Good job they are deaf, not be awful, but they are staying in one of the guest rooms that’s near my stairs that come up to the attic so they potentially might hear mine and Lee’s night time ‘pursuits’. Nah. They go to sleep at about 9pm bless them.

I have read Book number 3 of The Beautiful Dead series and it was chuffin awesome. The fourth is the last one where Darina gets to solve Phoenix’s murder. I am intrigued by how it’s going to end cos after she has solved Phoenix’s, it’s the last one and she’ll never see him again. Ooo it’s a bit of a heartstring tugger and I don’t usually get soppy about books.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7877758-phoenix

I love the covers:

BD1   
BD2


      BD3

phoenix

 

 

 

So it’s tea time for me. I bought some quorn pies yesterday that look amazing. So I will eat the mash tates that mum is making and have some green beans and carrots as well. Gotta go down and help Mum and try and wangle my way around her so she lets me go out tomorrow…..

This is what I crave…..

this is all I want

So College is over til January. Yay. I have thrown my school bag into a corner of my room and intend to forget it til Lee goes to his Dad’s Boxing day. I can’t, just frickin CANNOT deal with it right now.

So I am playing the waiting game once again. Lee has been asked to please stay on in London and do some shifts in another pub and look after the student house, but he to come here beginning of the week so he gets time with me and his Mum before Christmas. I think Pops and Nan are coming here again. I spoke to my Greek Yiayia and Papous ON THE PHONE yesterday evening! What’s so amazing about that I hear you all yell. Well they don’t speak English and I have learned enough Greek to have a basic convo with them. Well chuffed.

Dimitri is on at me about meeting up before he goes back to Thessaloniki for Christmas. I would LOVE to meet up with him, but I must not forget that 1. I am still grounded like a fucking assclown and 2. He wants to climb inside my pantaloons, you get my drift. 3. I don’t know if I could resist that even though I love Lee. Weird shit going on between myself and these males in my life. Can’t figure it out.

Lisa has been calling around a lot. I told her about why I’m grounded and she swears not to tell her bro. I hate lying to him, but you know, I get so bored and lonely here all on my own. A bottle of red and a few rollies once in a while should be granted to me! Lisa smokes anyways….I have suggested she switch from Camels to Amber Leaf but she won’t. I can’t smoke Camels, fuck no. My chest will cave in.

Yeh so I am just waiting to find out when he’s coming. There was talk of Joel coming too, which would be ok I guess as I like the dude. Makes me laugh. I just need to spend time with Lee on our own, but I guess Joel and Lisa will be surgically joined at the hip (or groin area hahaha) anyways so that should be possible.

one worrying piece of news. Lisa told me that when she was in London, she got talking to Annabelle about her boyfriend and she told her that he is 10 years older than her and it’s like her parents have rented him to take care of her as he buys her all her stuff; clothes, makeup etc. She doesn’t love him and is trying to figure out how to break up with him as he has hit her before and threatened to crash the student house. She has slept in Lee’s room before as well. I didn’t see that! She is also scared that if she tells him to fuck off that her parents will disown her and she will have to survive on her own with no money. Bad luck. As long as she doesn’t try and latch onto lee as a boyfriend, I don’t care what she does. I mean, he is such a provider. Look what he does for his sister and Mum, working all hours to send money home as well as support himself on the miserly allowance his tool of a dad sends him.

Excited about the new novel I am working on with my Aunt. We share this Blog, so we can both work on each post before we publish. Hopefully we’ll get to work on more this holiday period and Lee will be able to help as well cos he has ace ideas for twisty tales of darkness!

Here’s the link to the blog:

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/

I also want to get all my clothes out of my ‘wardrobe’ (I don’t think there are hardly any clothes in my wardrobe, most are in piles on the floor right now hahaha) and see what I can do to revamp them. Lately I have just become a bit lazy with clothes, like for college I tend to wear black or grey skinnies with a dark blouse or maybe something like a band tshirt, a long cardigan,a scarf and Docs. Boring.

This is the kind of thing I am currently wearing:

For college:

casey college college casey long cardies like this

jacket

For going out (when I’m not grounded…)

casey now going out style

I would like to be wearing:

grunge 1 prefered 2 prefered 3 prefered

I just want to look a bit more edgy but without having to spend HOURS getting ready…

I’m hungry. I’m going to Skype Lee for a bit before he goes to work (hopefully for the last shift) and then go cook summats. Tonight, chill out, watch American Horror Story and maybe The Conjuring again. Mum and Dad are still bluing out at me about the smoking. This could go on for AGES. I get to walk Chester, so I get some fresh air, but when Lee gets back I want to go into town with him and Lisa and go to some gigs, maybe go shopping with Lee, which we haven’t done yet EVER, and buy him something cool for Chrimbo.

Lisa brings me tobacco..haha up yours M&D. We are not best buds by far but I guess you could say we are getting along ok. I don’t trust easily and I find most people fuggin annoying, so we shall see. We get to talk about Lee when she comes round though, so that’s a good thing. Oh man I just hope this holiday is going to be a good one. I need some good times………..

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Questions..a light version!

December 9, 2013

1: What are you wearing? Grey-ish skinny jeans, Burgundy Docs, loose fitting indian blouse in dark blues and purples and a long black cardigan. Skull scarf. Black XS perfume.

2: Ever been in love? I am in love right now. Crazily.

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Looking back, no. If I broke up with Lee, THAT would be a terrible fucked up break up

4: How tall are you? short

5: How much do you weigh? no idea

6: Any tattoos? not yet

7: Any piercings? yes, belly and nose

8: OTP? wtf?

9: Favorite Show? American Horror Story

10: Favorite bands? So many..Paramore, Nirvana, Staind, Flyleaf..

11: Something you miss? Freedom

12: Favorite song? At the moment, Korn: Never Never

13: How old are you? 18

14: Zodiac sign? Scorpio

15: Quality you look for in a partner? Opposite to me

16: Favorite Quote? Freddy Nietzsche ”One must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star”

17: Favorite actor? James McAvoy

18: Favorite color? Purple

19: Loud music or soft? Loud mostly.

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? under my duvet or out in the woods

21: How long does it take you to shower? 10-20 minutes

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 40 minutes

23: Ever been in a physical fight? Yes at Secondary School. Twice.

24: Turn on? Long hair

25: Turn off? Being a sheep (following the crowd)

26: The reason I joined WordPress? To rant to everyone or noone

27: Fears? Being trapped, Not seeing the world

28: Last thing that made you cry? When Lee left.

29: Last time you said you loved someone? Last night on Skype with Lee

30: Meaning behind your WordPress Name? I feel like I am half dead most of the time, somewhere in Pergatory.

31: Last book you read? John Green’s Paper Towns

32: The book you’re currently reading? John Green’s The Fault in our Stars

33: Last show you watched? American Horror Story Coven Episode 6 I think

34: Last person you talked to? Mum

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? ‘Flirtyfriends’

36: Favorite food? Garlic bread

37: Place you want to visit? Russia

38: Last place you were? College

39: Do you have a crush? It has gone way past a crush

40: Last time you kissed someone? The day Lee left (and I kissed Lee, not waited for him to go then kissed someone else ha!)

41: Last time you were insulted? Tonight by Mum 

42: Favourite flavour of sweet? Violet

43: What instruments do you play? None

44: Favourite piece of jewellery? Silver Pentagram

45: Last sport you played? For real? Probably Hockey at school 2 years ago. And badly.

46: Last song you sang? Paramore: Daydreaming

47: Favourite chat up line? I don’t chat up!

48: Have you ever used it? Obvioso non!

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? Saturday night with my Aunt

50: Who should answer these questions next? The ghost in my bathroom

 

Our new wordpress blog.

Serena is going to use this blog to write the new novel THE SILENT ANGELS.

You will find mood boards, character notes, location details, inspirations, excerpts and many other interesting facets to this new tale of suspense and horror.

It will be spooktastic!

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com

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The weather has been horrific the last few days, flooding and high winds. I have been LOVING being in my attic cos I can really sit and listen to the wind screaming around the roof and watch the treetops swaying, groaning when their trunks move. It sounds very eerie and intense. My Aunt Serena is here this weekend so we are going to be hanging out again, making notes for the new novel ‘The Silent Angels’. She had a bit of a tiff with my M&D about them grounding me but they haven’t changed their stupid minds about the whole thing, neither the giving Mum all my receipts bollocks. Serena has always had these bouts of grief with my Mum (her older sister) because she’s cool and my Mum isn’t. Simples.

She has brought me some tobacco but not much. She used to smoke herself and gave up so she’s a bit like, Casey it’s bad for you, but knows that I have to give up cos I want to not cos I’m told too. We’re also drinking tonight. Mum and Dad are going to some party (again) so we’re staying in (again) and watching The Conjuring, American Horror story and The Shining. And getting a bit wasted. I deserve it.

I’m not long back from the surgery shift. Or the SSSS as I call it (ShittySaturdaySurgeryShift). Mum has said we have to go shopping tomorrow instead because she wants to go to Lincoln Christmas Market today. Good luck with that one! It’s the biggest and oldest market in Europe ALLEGEDLY and it’s about half hours drive from here. It’ll be crowded to shit. Serena lives in Lincoln and took her students yesterday and said it was heaving and you couldn’t see the stalls for stupid people’s bodies. No, not my type of enjoyable day out!

Lee is a work today until 5 and then comes back to chill and Skype with me until 7 when he’s going back to the bar. He’s trying to get money to give his Mum for Christmas cos he doesn’t trust his cockend Dad to send enough to give his sister a decent Christmas. He’s so sweet! If I was in that situation I would be freaking out about the fact that I wouldn’t be getting many presents but he’s more worried about his sister. *SIGH*

I think him and Lisa are going to Leeds on Boxing Day, for two days. That’s not so bad. We’ll have plenty of time to get up to scrummy activities!

Serena has brought me lunch…mmmm (and a sneaky glass of wine!) I doubt whether I will post today again as we’re going to work on the novel this afternoon and as I said, get wasted tonight.

So, so long imaginary kindred spirits. Have a great Saturday.

Before I go, I was asking S about cool music she used to (still does!) listen to. Two bands we have been listening to are Suede, The Sisters of Mercy and Siouxsie and the Banshees. Check them out! I likey………..

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The latest:

I have been getting a whole bunch of excited as the festive season approaches. Two more weeks at college and then I break up with 3 weeks off! Lee told me that he’s also got 3 weeks and before I really sat down and fucking THOUGHT about it, I started making all these plans in my head about what me and him can get up to with 3 whole muthafuckin weeks on our hands to spend TOGETHER.

But then, of course, the raindrops of shit began falling on my head. AS ALWAYS!

He has to see his Dad. His penis of a Dad will not come here and spend it with his ex family so Lisa and Lee will have to go there. To Leeds. That’s about 2 hours away. At least it isn’t going to be on Christmas actual DAY but still, when? I want to be with him on New Years else I will end up in a drunken stupor in my room alone, probably listening to depressing music and smoking my chest into ashes. I know it’s selfish but fuck it. He had an affair so he shouldn’t be the one calling all the shots!

M&D have told me that they are ‘deeply disappointed’ with my ‘conduct’ and that despite being given a ‘very reasonable’ (pfff) allowance and the chance to earn money to have driving lessons after Christmas, the revelation concerning SMOKING has counteracted all the trust they were building up in me and their hopes for me growing up and not being such a spoilt brat. Yes, Dad actually used the term SPOILT BRAT. Jesus. I am so desperate for a fag now that I have smoked all my hidden packets that I had stashed away or just left under piles of other crap in my room, and now I am CRAVING for the sake of fuck, and I NEVER did before! Dad thinks he is tackling this issue by being the authoritarian who DICTATES what I put into my body, but actually the numbskull has gone and made it all ten times WORSE. I really want a fucking rollup NOW after Lee just called me to tell me about his Dad! I might have to call Kate or my other not-quite-friend from college, Alex. He will bring me tobacco. The thing is though, Alex asked me OUT as in ON A DATE ‘out’ about a week ago and hasn’t spoken to me since. Just a feeble nod and turn of the face away when walking past me. So if I call him and get him to come over, he’ll think it’s to hang out and talk about THAT issue. Plus I NEVER invite people here so M&D are gonna wonder what the hell. Then I will have to lie and say he’s a friend, but then when he doesn’t come again they’ll remember and start grilling me about where Alex fucking is and why/what/how/who …

My life is crammed FULL of dilemmas. I am TRYING so hard not to lie. I used to lie all the time about everything, but since I have met Lee I have learned, from him, that it’s not good. IN THE END. Of course the most humungous lie I tell is that Lee and I are just friends. Hahahaha because it’s not worth the grief if they find out, he will be BANNED from even looking in my direction! I didn’t lie exactly about smoking because they never asked…now I am grounded and I have t give my Mum RECEIPTS when we go to ASDAs food shopping and for everything else I buy like makeup, books, music, clothes….so I don’t buy my beloved Amber Leaf…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhh.  am soooooooooo gagging right now!

And I want to buy Lee a cool present for Christmas but how can I if they think we’re only mates they might give me like a tenner or something.

They have said I am allowed one present because of the driving lessons. Wow. The only thing I want right now can’t be bought with money.

My FREEDOM.

Oh fuck it. I’m calling Alex…..

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