Yes, so Lee came back!

In case you were all wondering where the heck I have been! Mostly with Lee, enjoying my days, chilling out, dodging my M&D (well Lee has been!) and just being in a generally good place. It has been so hot as well….I’ve got a beaut tan…advantage of having a big back garden with no immediate neighbours! Yeppers, topless sunbathing….hoorah!

There are loads of things going on in the background too.

Dimitri has started to get really possessive, even though he’s in Halkidiki for the summer…he won’t stop texting me and has been going to an internet cafe every day, sometimes three/four times a day, to get on Skype. But I am rarely inside. I am either outside ston kipo (in the garden- trying to practice my Greek) or in the woods/ fields/bedroom/surgery  with Lee..sorry filo mou but I just can’t get my head around your demands on me. He lead me to believe that he was dating loads of gomena and having fun but clearly he aint cos he texts me every evening and seems to be lonely. I do miss him but I’ve got Lee. What can I do?

Yes, Lee is working in Dad’s surgery in the mornings, that’s why I have had chance to gussy up and get my white transparent skin to see some UVs. I was honestly scary! With my pale blue hair, I really did look like a friggin ghoul. I love that look for winter but not for summer. Must be my Greekness coming out cos I tan really easily….

Lee keeps hassling me to come clean to M&D about us. I pointed out that if I tell them, they’ll be extra OTT on their guard at bed times…and so it’ll make his climbing up more risky. He told me to tell them we are sleeping together….PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF what the actual fuck does he think he’s on about? My Dad is adamant that I’m staying a virgin til my wedding night! It’s more fun this way I think , but for Lee it’s hard cos Dad has given him this part time job and he feels guilty for going behind his back. I get that but t would spoil everything. I know Lee wants it all out in the open and we keep talking about it with me ending up sulking (only because I know I haven’t got a leg to stand on…he’s right and I hate that he’s right!) and him going quiet on me. This is the only downer so far.

I’m off to make dinner…yes, Mum has been insisting I cook for myself. I quite enjoy it! I’m making quorn wraps..like chicken wraps with onion, tomato, peppers, garlic…but with quorn pieces instead. Lee loves them. He should be round soon. I will try and write more but if I don’t……HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!

DGBCatDolphin

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in the white noise

June 29, 2013

Lee is still in London. I feel like I am living in the white noise….unheard but still lingering

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The Community Arts project has finished and Lee and Annabelle are there together. God knows what they’re doing, but it pisses me off. I know that she hates going home to her parents in Gloucestershire because they are never around, a bit like mine really, but why does Lee prefer to be there with her than here with me?

He seems distant and I can’t get through to him. It’s like the Lee I used to know has gone. Every time I ask him when he’s coming home he gets tetchy and tries to change the subject. I spoke to Lisa yesterday and she’s well fed up too….he won’t talk to her either and they were so close. She reckons he is trying to avoid making the decision because he feels torn between his M&D. If he goes to his Dad’s then he’ll feel bad about her and his Mum but if he comes home he’ll feel bad for his Dad and that his Mum will have an extra mouth to feed.

Writing this has given me an idea. Dad mentioned that he wants me to do some work on reception at the surgery. Why don’t I suggest that Lee takes up the position instead? That would bring some cash in. His Mum cleans every morning for Dad there, so she will be able to give him a lift!

Then he might come home.

There are NO jobs around here. Let me put this into perspective.

There is my house and Lee’s house. We live exactly 3 minutes and 24 seconds apart (I know cos I have timed it!) and there is NOTHING else around here except woodland, a bus stop, an old graveyard and one winding country road that goes out of the hamlet towards the town where I go to college. Dad’s surgery is a renovated village hall that stands on this road just after you leave the hamlet. There are a few other hamlets and some villages around here, that’s why Dad took over the surgery, but no shops or ANYTHING.

Mum helps him out sometimes but Lee’s Mum is the only person that Dad employs right now and she cleans, as I said. He needs someone to answer the phone and book appointments etc. I was about to agree to do it in the mornings, cos quite frankly, me is BOREEEEEED and piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed off and needing some serious diversion from missing Lee and worrying my guts about what the actual fuck he is still doing with bitch face in London! I had an eureka moment with this as I made out I really didn’t want to…and bugged Dad for a compromise…which was….DRIVING LESSONS! And do you know what? He had agreed! Oh my GOD how I would love to own a frickin car and be able to get the sweet fuck out of here whenever I want!!!!

But I would rather be here with Lee than have driving lessons right now.

Oh….a text just came through.

”Hi beauty. Just to say that I will be back in my room at about 9 o’clock and I am staying in tonight. No shift. Hope you’ll be in as well. Need a long Skyper with you. Love you xx’

Aww. Ok. Where’s the Bitchabelle then? Ha that’s pretty cool! Bitchabelle!

That means in about an hour.

Right. I will go downstairs and talk to Dad about undoing our dealio about the driving lessons, and if Lee can do it instead. Then I can tell him!

Then sort out my fugly face ready to Skyper…..

Laterz 🙂

 

 

 

 

1. The internet.

We have only just got our connection back after a week! It went down on Sunday and Dad wasn’t ready to phone up BT anytime soon. I was so pissed off. They don’t really use it, it was bought for me really and so they don’t think it’s a priority. I tried to tell them that I need it. I DO! I love Youtube, I love my Blog for ranting and sobbing on and I love surfing for alternative lifestyle info and creative ideas. And what a time to go down! When I wanted to shout it out to the world. LEE IS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!! 🙂

2. My parents at being Human Beings. I really thought we had improved on our relationship since all that stuff over summer but NO. They are becoming more and more like freedom nazis and stricter and stricter. I will soon have to inform them when I want to take a shit.

3. Playing in cool with Lee. Oh this is just precious! (Did I mention that he is now my BOYFRIEND?!!)

4. Getting Christmas project work in on time. But I don’t give a flying frick.

Back to Lee.

Yes, so Lee has GONE back to London. BUT……………He is my boyfriend! Yes, you read it. B.O.Y.F.R.I.E.N.D!!!

BOYFRIEND!!!! 

Perhaps I didn’t mention that!??

Ssshhh because NO ONE knows. If my M&D or HIS find out we are friggin in the shit right up to our necks.

This poses a few (million) problems, as Lee explained to me, but I really didn’t and still don’t give a shit. We are together and I couldn’t be happier! (Well except if we were actually together………)

So, back to the story. Mum walked in on our ’embrace’ and the fact that I launched myself at him and had him pinned him to the door frame kinda looked suspicious. We jumped apart but the damage was done as it was written all over our faces. Well, he was beaming and as red as a beetroot so I guess I was as well. My mum stood there for what seemed like ages and then just said. ‘Casey, go upstairs. Lee, I think you should be going now.’

He smiled the most beautiful smile and I just melted. I heard Mum tell me again to go upstairs and I went. Like a zombie. A few minutes later she appeared and sat on my bed. I was sitting at my art desk with my back to her, trying not to say something bitchy. She then asked me to tell her what was going on between me and Lee. I calmly said nothing…which was true at that point. (I managed to make it seem that way in my head as we hadn’t done anything. Well, not since New Year.) She got really mad then. She went on about how he was a MAN and I was only 17…I tried to talk over her calmly and say it was only 2 years difference but she was just going for it. I let her. I stayed with my back to her and tried to shut it all out. I didn’t want to provoke it and make her ground me or stop us from seeing each other, but I also couldn’t stand to hear her condescending me and treating me like a child. So I just said:

‘There’s nothing going on between Lee and me.’

And pretended to draw. It seemed like hours until she got up, said ‘Ok then. But if I ever find out you’re lying to me there will be serious repercussions,’ and left the room.

Poor Stella had been hiding in the bathroom and came out, grinning like a dork. I was really glad she was there.

I called Lee. I told him what had happened. That was when he said that we had no choice but to keep it all secret. Then he said that Annabelle had arrived and everything kind of went flat. The adrenalin I had been experiencing turned from a pleasant electrical fuzz called excitement to a dull pumping of jealousy. I asked him when we could see each other and he said that he had to spend the day with Annabelle, she needed to talk, and then he would see if she was up to meeting me. Was I up to meeting her though? Nope. I just wanted him all to myself after all this, we were finally moving on, yet SHE had got between us. I really didn’t want to see her that day, or the day after that either for that matter.

But then I didn’t want her to be with Lee, my Lee, in his house….I wanted to somehow put my mark on it, mark my territory if you like, a bit like cats do. Yeh, I’m a cat. And I can scratch……….

What happened between Annabelle and me? I will write about that next time. Right now I have to get some College work done. And stop fantasising about Lee…and Annabelle with Lee……..Lee, Lee, Lee……

My Lee! 🙂

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and it’s snowing!

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Well that’s ‘the talk’ over with.

Shit.

Basically, M&D are worried that me and Lee are going to start having sex (how embarrassing to hear them talk about it?) and they are worried that in this ‘tiny’ community where people gossip, me and Lee will be the centre of everyone’s attention and it will look bad.

Look bad???!!!

My Dad is concerned about how much I am going to show THEM up! He doesn’t give a flying fucking shit about me or how I feel or what I want!

Oh jesus. I am going to go properly MENTAL.

I am ONLY 17 years old! Lee is 2 years older than me. OH WHAT A FRICKIN CRIME!!!! And?????????????????????

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but Dad says he’s going to talk to Lee’s Mum when she goes to the Surgery in the morning to clean. Oh sweet crap. I am ‘allowed’ to invite Lee over tomorrow because Mum will be in all day. Thanks a fucking load. I feel like a small, pathetic kid. I mean, Holy crap, Lee is at UNI, he can do whatever he wants, when he wants and with whomever he wants. Why in the fuck would he choose to be with me, a prisoner in her parents’ house because they treat her like a 12 year old? What in hell is he gonna think when he hears this?????????

 

Just got back from college and I’ve got my blue hair dyes. I got in during my lunch hour from a hippie shop round the corner from college. Mum eyed my bag suspiciously when I got in just now but I didn’t show her what I had in it as she would just forbid the whole thing. I am sick of living up to her and Dad’s standards, it’s stifling me. Mum’s still a bit arsy about the (slight) argument we had yesterday about going shopping for clothes. She gets all her stuff from Next and bloody French Connection, BORING, and expects me to just conform to the fads of the day. No I won’t. She will try and say that if I was meant to have blue hair, I would have been born with it. I can hear it now. She shut up once when we were on about tatoos (another one of my intended ‘projects’) and she came out with that line. I retorted ‘So if God wanted you to have blue shades above your eyes, he would have given it to you at birth and saved you money on eye shadow.’ OOOO she did not like that and Dad told me off for being cheeky! WTF. So hypocritical or have I missed something? If she says ANYTHING about my blue hair, I will simply come back at her with a question referring to why she DYES HER HAIR BLONDE at the roots! Eat that shit.

They are out tonight so I can chill out up in my room and do it without disturbances.

I spoke to Lisa again last night. She said that Lee had told her on the phone that Annabelle wouldn’t be here for the whole of the Christmas hols, just maybe a few days. Ok then I can take that. I tried to make out I wasn’t bothered cos I don’t want him to hear about my feelings for him from his sister. She sounded a bit surprised but changed the subject and started talking about the dyes that I told her I had bought. She offered to come round and help me but I would rather just do it on my own. Listen to some tracks, experiment with some eyeliner, watch a DVD or read a bit and have a nice ‘lonely’ evening with me, myself and I.

I thought about writing Lee a letter as well. Maybe as an email? But letters are more personal and he shares a laptop with his friend in Halls so it might not be secure or private to send an email like that. I can get his address from Lisa. Watch this space.

I’m being called for dinner so I will dye my hair after and hopefully get a chance to write another post tonight.

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