dreaming

February 25, 2013

Did that really happen?

I am assured by my beautiful lover that yes, in fact it did! I don’t want to spill all our private stuff on here, it’s not appropriate, but I am just overwhelmed by how I feel, how it has changed everything in my life. All the stories I have heard about nightmare first experiences of sex….and mine couldn’t have been better. I was in heaven until we fell asleep cuddled up at about 3:30am. We only had 3 hours sleep but I felt more alive than ever before afterwards, even though he was falling over trying to get dressed in the dark and sneak down the tree back to his house before any of our parents woke up. I remembered to tell him not to enter the garden at the back cos of Chester, who would have gone apeshit if Lee had appeared creeping past his little house.

I do not know how I got through today at college. I don’t remember much of yesterday only that I couldn’t get up out of that warm nest of a bed that smelt of Lee…Lee’s skin and Lee’s warmth. I still haven’t changed the sheets or pillowcases and won’t for ages. Hahahaa. I didn’t even want to have a shower but thought I should seeing as I had to face M&D sooner or later yesterday evening!

Oh we have spent hours on the phone talking and going over those delicious sexy moments again and again. He was soooooo gentle, I think I was the one who was a bit rampant but he wasn’t complaining! Oh I want to talk about it from the first second he slipped into bed with me but I can’t…secrets…for him and me only!

All I will say is that it was perfect. We had candles, we had warmth, we had time, we took it slow….we got to know what each other likes, we laughed a lot and had fun. We were like two people who fit together, like we were separated and now we have found our other halves. Oh I long for it again. I wish I could just have a kiss, a hug and look from those deep dark eyes of his…feel those silky hands running all over my skin…….

Casey….stop…. 🙂

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Sex part 2

February 24, 2013

Rolling over, face buried in pillows then sheets then duvet, his smell engulfing me. My senses are so alive, so electric. I want to laugh and I want to cry. No, bawl. Scream my lungs out. Happy. Full. Empty. Sad. Ecstatic. He has gone but he is still here. In this bed. In my arms. What a night! He left at 6:30am. The alarm had been set before he even sneaked in, both of us being petrified that we would oversleep and get found out again. It was so easy. The hard thing was to let him go but after about ten minutes of hugs and kisses and longing looks, he climbed back out the window, me clinging to him til the last second, wishing he would drag me with him. Either that or stay. Locked in my attic forever. I have not been able to move since he returned, through the door this time, to say goodbye. Ironically mum let him come uo and see me in my room, saying she didn’t know why I hadn’t come down for breakfast yet!
Another 10 minutes of clinging and rolling around in our maelstrom of sheets before he put his beautiful soft hands on my face, looked deep in to my eyes and told me he loved me and that it had been the most amazing night of his life.
Goodbye was all I managed to say before the heat in the back of eyes threatened stupid tears. I managed to blink them away until he had left and I heard him say bye to mum downstairs. The crying started and hasn’t yet stopped. I don’t know how I can feel this sad and be this happy at the same time. I just want to wallow in this nest of a bed forever.

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waiting

February 23, 2013

So Lee just left.

I am in my room waiting for M&D to go to bed and settle down. They are still moving around. I know this because I’ve got my lights off and my attic room door open so I can hear noises floating up the stairs.

I am to text him when I’m sure they are asleep and he is going to come to the tree which grows under my back window. He will climb up, because I have give him detailed instructions on how to do so, and then he will be in my room for the night. 

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Sex part 1

February 23, 2013

Ok I know I am going to get shitloads of hits from that title alone. Perverts may now fuck off because this post isn’t for you. This is quite serious actually and personal. I don’t even know if I’m going to end up pressing ‘publish’ or not!

Right, so obviously Lee and I have been close friends for…8 months almost. I know about his ‘relationships’ and exs, but now that we are in love, I don’t really like to think about the stuff he has told me about! I myself have not yet gone ‘all the way’ with anyone, the closest to it was with that moron Phil and we were just fooling round. Not wanting to go into it in much detail (I was no way near in love with him and it seems foul now) we got naked but it was cut short by his drunk brother coming in. Thank God actually! I am also, for the record, proud that I haven’t slept with anyone yet and pleased because I know it’ll be Lee who I love with a passion and who respects me and loves me back.  Lee has had sex with two girls (ouch) one of them was when he was 16 and  a french exchange student called Julietta. The other was with a girl he was with for about 6 months. (Penny). He was madly in love with her (ouch once more) but she moved abroad with her M&D and they lost touch. He’s 19, nearly 20, so it’s not like he has really been a slut. 🙂

Now this is the thing. I was talking to Stella last night when Lee had gone (and we had gone right to the bottom of the garden in the dark to have a long goodnight snog where no one could see us). He said that he was finding it really hard to control himself and wished we could just spend the night together snuggled up in bed. (swoon). I said I felt the same but how could that ever happen? He was the one that had been going on about us behaving like mates to cover up our feelings and risking being grounded and split up! Anyways we left each other feeling all frustrated and…well you know….fucking horny!

So Stella was being honest as usual. She is a good mate because she likes indulging in the heady excitement of it all but always says stuff that is serious and could go wrong. In this case she pointed out that Lee is almost 20, at Uni surrounded by beautiful girls (like fucking Annabelle she meant) and that how can I expect him to NOT want sex? OUCH x 500!!! She is right as well. I was being a bit naive or just trying not to think about stuff like that. I wanted it to be all fairytale love…I didn’t consider the male sex drive thing.

So today. We have been out all day around and about. Lee was a little bit cold towards me first thing, not like he wasn’t speaking to me, just with the affection. I asked him if he was feeling bad and he admitted yes; he was trying to back off so as to make it easier to walk away. He said he had hardly slept the night before from imagining me and him in a ‘plethora of hot positions’ (his words) and he laughed. So I started the discussion, saying that I didn’t want him to feel this way, it is bad enough that we are in a long distant relationship and have to wait months to see each other, let alone that when we do, we can’t sleep together. He was quiet for a while, thinking. We were sitting on our coats at this point, under a tree cos it was snowing a bit. He said that he knew I was a virgin (yaaaaaaaaaaak how childish that sounded) and that I had to be sure I wanted it. He didn’t want to push me into anything. I was the one who wanted to push HIM into it I told him. He laughed but his face was serious. I just kept saying I wanted it. BADLY. He was entwining his fingers round mine as he looked down, contemplating. I felt really alive and strong and confident. I kept saying stuff like he was the sexiest. hottest guy I had ever met and how lucky I was to be in love with my best mate…that I trusted him 200%. I thought I should stop and let him talk a bit and he gave me a scrummy hug and stayed with his arms round me. He asked me what we should do about it.

Well, me being Casey the relentless rebel, suggested that he climb up my tree and get in through the window. TONIGHT. (I was only half joking!) He made a tutting noise and poked me in fun, as that was what got us into trouble before, me climbing down to meet him. We sat in silence for ages and he suddenly he turned to me and said, ‘Ok then, I’ll do it.’

He’s coming round later on and we’re going to have some wine with M&D and watch a DVD. Then our plan is going to be put into place before he leaves at about 11. I feel sick but so fucking excited. If this works….oh my god…..I’m going to sleep with Lee!

I will write tomorrow. If I haven’t died of passion………..has anyone ever done that? Heart attack from sexual pleasure????

ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckinggod!

 

Arrival

February 21, 2013

So I went back to sleep til about 11:30 when Lee called me and said he was up and eating breakfast. He had managed to explain to his parents what he needed to do and they were apparently cool with it. All my Mum and Dad said was ‘Oh, so his girlfriend’s not here with him then?’ Which OUTRAGED me inside. I just smiled and said no.

I told M&D that I would be going out with Lee to do some sketching and take photos for my Textiles project and they didn’t say anything. (It seems that we are out of the woods (hahaha) as far as suspicion goes. They think he’s still with Annabelle). I took Chester out for a bit and then went off to meet Lee on the path that joins our houses. I was sooooooooo excited and nervous as well because we parted acting like mates and didn’t get chance to kiss or anything. The woods at the back of here are so dense and no one goes there cos there are no other houses around. Conveniently!

He was already waiting, standing there grinning with his scrummy hair hanging down over his eyes. It has grown. Yum. I ran up to him and he put his arms round me and swung me round. I thought my heart would explode. OH MY GOD. He smelt really nice as well, some scent I don’t remember him wearing before. Meltdown. We were both laughing like idiots and then his face came down and he was about to kiss me when we realised we were a bit exposed for that show of affection. We could see his house from there so that meant we could be seen as well. We walked off towards the thickets and wooded area, I was teasing him and trying to grab his hand and he was pushing me away with his shoulder and whispering ‘not yet’ and smiling like a kid….we got into the woodland clearing and he grabbed me, pulled me down onto the ground and started planting kisses all over my cheeks and eyes. Oh jesus. Then he kissed me properly and the entire universe spun away and I was a weightless, mass of nothing except star dust. It was THE most amazing (I don’t know) 5 minutes of my life.

Eventually we came up for breath. He stared into my eyes and smiled. I just thought, this was worth waiting for. It has all been worth it. Every night of no sleep. Every depressing day at college thinking what the hell am I doing…all the stinging thoughts of Annabelle. All of it. I don’t regret this relationship, not for one milli-second.

We DID actually get some art work done and some photos taken, although we also got a lot of lip action going as well! It has all been too long coming and we need to make up for lost time. I just want to eat him. Never had that raging desire for anyone like this. Clearly he feels the same way because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself all afternoon…hugging, tickling, arms round me, holding my hand….aaaaaaaaaaaaaa heaven.

So tonight he is going to stay at home for a while and print out the photos and put everything in order. (Look like he is doing something substantial!) Then he say he will call and we can decide what to do. I think it will only be us two sitting in the kitchen or living room with M&D coming in and out. But that’s ok. He’s here.  I love him so much! 

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Wide asleep

February 21, 2013

I have not slept a wink. We have been texting each other since he got in his Dad’s car last night. He got home at about 3, which was hideously frustrating as I was wide awake and so was he and we wanted to see each so fucking badly! We discussed getying out to meet but decided against it after the last time we tried it. Being grounded is NOT an option right now!
So imagine. Laying in bed texting when he’s only 5 minutes walk away. Ffsake. He must have fallen asleep at about 6 because he didnt reply back. Now its nearly 10 so thats only 4 hours sleep. I told him to text as soon as he wakes up. Now i could either try and get some shut eye or get up and get ready….

On his way

February 20, 2013

Just got a text from Lee to say his Dad has picked him up and they are on the way back home. Oh god. How am i meant to sleep???? *EXCITED*

February 19, 2013

Saying ‘You are……..(any adjective)’ is crap. We are who we are and nobody, especially the mass media, fashion designers, pop stars or celebs, have the right to label anyone. Not even your friends have the right, unless you specifically ask them to, but then it’s only THEIR take on you. I hate the labels like ‘Goth’ ‘Hippie’ and ‘Metal head’ So, what are you if you like a mixture of all of the above? Ok, I will make a new label. How do ya’ll like it? The ECLECTIC. There. Even that’s stoooopid.

Random Art of mine 1

February 18, 2013

Random Art of mine 1

Some weird watercolour doodle! Found under my bed while fishing out dirty socks 🙂

I have just spoken to Lee (again) and I think it’s all on for THURSDAY through til SUNDAY!

Thank Godz for Eva and (I hate to say it) Annabelle. Lee has spent most of today planning the ‘rural’ element of the project so that when he arrives we can get to work and go off with the cameras and sketchbooks. His Dad apparently is a little bit suspicious and doesn’t entirely believe what’s going on, Lee not liking having to lie to his M&D, has made sure that the stuff he needs to collect as research will really be used when he gets back.

OH YAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy Happy Happy Casey!

So Lee says his Dad will arrive at his Halls to get him on Wednesday evening and he wants to drive in the night as the roads will be clearer. So he will be here when I wake up on Thursday morning. I’m hoping for decent weather so that we can be out all day, cos it’s not like we’ll be able to sit around watching DVDs and pretending to be friends when Mum walks in the room! He’s here for work so we’ll have to do it. We’ll be together and being creative, so that’s all I give a shit about.

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Oh, Annabelle was hinting that she should come and stay again! Cheeky cow. Lee said no, thank fk, cos I would have been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed out! I’ll never forget the look on her face, so smug, as her and Lee drove off in his Dad’s car after New Years. Fucking bitch was smiling and trying to hang on to Lee’s arm. What the sweet fuckery is her problem anyway? I tried to be the one who was nice, despite wanting to punch her pierced lips in. No wonder she was so keen for him to come here…I bet she wanted to rub the fact that she sleeps next door to him every night in my face! Yes, her room is next to his. Oh the joy….either that or she wants to keep her eye on him while he’s here…well guess what, girlfriend? He’s MY boyfriend!

So tomorrow I’ve got some college work to finish. Research for my textiles project. What I might do is change my original outline for this and base it on something to do with Nature or the woodlands instead. I know it’s a cliche but Lee will be able to suggest a slightly more unusual slant to it….I want something a bit better than fucking LEAVES as the base design.

Still got some pretty dull reading to do, Chaucer………..YAAAAAAAAAWN. I am like this when I read it

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sploooooooooooch. Death by Chaucer.

So I’m going to get my shit together now. Sort out my hair (blue with purple ends!) and get my tip of a bedroom sorted out cos all my clothes are strewn everywhere. Yes, Casey needs to do some washing……….

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**~C~**