for front cover silent angels

I promise you, it’s worth a read. I have given my Aunt some tips but she would like more. Please read and leave her a comment below. How could she make it better? What do you like about it?

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/2014/03/02/chapter-1-and-diary-entries-1/

 

What’s up now!

November 10, 2013

Right then, I am determined to be positive all the way through this post. If I lie then I lie. Fuck it. (But I may have to put a bunch of foot notes at the end and admit some true shit!)

Ok so let’s start with my favourite subject, lee. Yeh so he finally backed down and created a Facebook page. I mean hell, is it THAT difficult?? Apparently so. I know I don’t spend much time on it either but it’s really nice to post stuff to each other, right? Well, yeh. It was cool to begin with but it’s kinda started to wear off. The novelty I mean. We Skype every day so what’s Facebook? That was his original argument and I contested it and now I hate to say I agree with him! Oh well. Anyone want to help me by making Facebook more interesting? Befriend me?

https://www.facebook.com/casey.papadaki

At least I badgered him into posting up a nice recent photo of himself. Wtf is his problem with his face? It’s THE most gorgeous face ON the Earth’s surface! What do you guys reck?

lee facebook

I caught him by surprise the day he left after half term. We were standing near the trees and the sun was peeking through the bare branches, illuminating him a bit. I had to lighten it a bit but it’s a good representation of Mr Chapman my lover!

I am pissed off this weekend (being positive has already become tedious!) because all his housemates are away and he’s there all on his own. We could set that place alight all alone this weekend! I’m glad Annabitch has gone. Apparently she is going through some counselling and has been cutting her arms. I feel bad for her (I suppose although not a LOT) cos her parents don’t give a shit, she’s only got this man-friend to fall back on (well, apart from Lee and she does that ALL the time) who beats up on her a lot. lee refuses to have him in their house so she goes off every so often to see him. Lee’s not happy about it and I know he loses sleep over her, but what can he do? He’s got his own family crap going on,even though his dad has started sending some money to his mum and Lisa, at last. Tool.

He’s going to be even busier soon cos he’s starting an Art Therapy course alongside his Fine Art degree. He wants to work with kids eventually which is cool I guess. I wouldn’t do that though, when I get my degree in Art I want to use it for something else like design. More money! lee isn’t like me in that. He reckons that money isn’t everything and we should use our talents to help other people. Ok,yeh. But I want to help myself have a good life as well!

Yep, I’m a selfish bitch! (That’s why me and Lee are great together. He’s the humanitarian and I’m the money grabber. We will be able to do great things hahaha! )

Dimitris is like me in that way. I’ve mentioned before how he and I are similar and we get on because of that, but sometimes hate each other as well! We went a week without Skyping or calling each other over half term because of one little comment I made and he took it all wrong. He is fiery and a bit judgemental like me (apparently, according to lee, very judgemental), and once he gets pissed off he can’t get through that feeling easily and so will retreat. I do the same and it drives Lee crazy as he just wants to talk everything out. I can’t and he gets pissed. I need time to heal Casey and then I come back and I can take the critique better. What’s up with that? Thing is lee takes offence, being hyper sensitive, and takes it all personally, whereas when me and Dimitri fight, we come back a few days later and laugh about it. Most of the time.

Yeh, so what about him? Well. He’s currently single AGAIN. He keeps saying that every time he gets with a new girl, he’s fine for a few weeks then he starts comparing her to me and subsequently dumps her. What can I say? I keep telling him how I feel, and it’s the truth. If I wasn’t with lee I would’ve been on the first train to Manchester months ago. We flirt a little, but I try not to let it go too far. he’s very gorgeous and attractive. We get on really well because we are so similar, but I am in love with Lee. Sometimes I DO think I might be in love with both of them, but I don’t think that’s possible.

Is it?

College is still SHIT. I refuse to discuss it on this Blog because it already permeates too much of my time as it is. I always have a rant about it to Lee anyway so no more about the boredom and doom that IS my crushingly dull 6th Form. Yuuk.

Musically I listen to my favourites on a regular basis, namely when I fall asleep; Nirvana, Paramore, Panic! At the disco, Pearl jam/Eddie vedder.

Other much-listened to-lately are Flyleaf, Slint, Yellowcard and Sick puppies. Here’s a particularly fucking awesome video and track I love:

and on finding this I have also found some full albums such as these: I have just discovered Hurt. Fucking screaming.

Anyways I digress!

Talking of Youtube, I have been watching some awesome Vlogs and stuff by a girl called Sarah Hawkinson, who has her own Youtube Channel. I like her game cos she’s a vegetarian, she loves Rock/Metal music, horror films and also has a pretty cool style. At the moment she’s got a particularly fetching shade of purple hair. Check her out here:

Lee is off to work now. 6 weeks til I see him at Christmas, although he MIGHT get back here sooner if he doesn’t need to work. Same old as far as the finances go cos he needs money now for this Art Therapy Module….. 

Oh yeh the gossip about Lisa and Joel! We had a great time and it ends up that those two are now an item but Lee’s Mum DOESNT know about it. Lisa thinks that she’ll freak, but Lee is all about the honesty again (oh man give it a break!) and keeps getting at Lisa to tell her. Saying that though, she has been on the phone to me most evenings going on about it in that she’s never gonna see him. Welcome to my World!!!! I do actually quite like her, but I feel a bit dubious about her newly found good style of being mildly goth and starting to listen to decent tunes. I know..I KNOW I shouldn’t judge and be shallow about appearances, but you can’t go from dancing around your living room to Lady Gaga and Britney ‘Speared’ to suddenly listening to Metallica! Morally WRONG! I will see…we talk a lot lately so I am giving her a chance. Lee would be stoked up if we got to be genuine friends. 

292897_584898338199214_1219854572_n

I’m off to get food. Maybe back later but have got MOUNDS of work to get through later……………..oh and I MUST post those ghost pics I took with my Aunt! 

1016313_484767118266619_1221007801_n

 

 

Brendon is amazing. Talented in so many ways. Musically gifted, sexy as HELL, funny as hell, the goofy idiot…and a dog lover……and he wears makeup…NOMZ!!!  If I didn’t have Lee who also a big sexy face, I would be over to the states and properly stalking his wife and pushing her over and scrapping with her in a bitch fight to win his love!

brendon

 

Geeky and sexy…so sexy I just can’t………

 

 

 

images (2)

 

He looks loads like Lee here……nuanga!!

images (3)

loving this look….grrrrrrr roaaar!

 

 

images (5)

 

I REALLY SO JUST CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!

 

My Aunt is here at the moment. It’s half term and that means I have a whole week of getting up late and lazing around. Except that I can’t because I’ve got an EXTORTIONATE amount of college work to do as well as fulfilling my ‘promise’ to Dad of working at the surgery in the mornings. Beginning bastard tomorrow. Goodbye lye ins……:(

So back to stuff. My Aunt is here, the cool one who I share my blog with. I don’t know why we still share it but it’s fine. Yeh I have been hanging out with her since Friday and we’ve been talking about a bunch of stuff including Mum and Dad. They really piss me off. I am living like a frickin hermit here. She agrees with me that life is shit-on-a-stick for a 17 year old..nearly 18, but the thing is what can I do when I’ve got another year of A levels to do…? She offered to give me a place to stay at hers with her boyfriend but I wouldn’t have my own space and it would be too far to travel to my 6th form. Plus the college near her doesn’t do my Theatre Studies A level so I wouldn’t be able to transfer there. You reckon my M&D would let me move away? Pfffffffffffffffff no fucking way while the moon is round…

The worst scenario right now is with Lee. Apart from the OBVIOUS that he’s NOT here and it’s half term, he and Annabelle are plotting stuff. Well, there are three of them, him, Annabitchface and Chloe who are buddies in the Halls of residence near his Uni. They are all on the Fine Art Course so they hang out etc. lee’s best mates are on the Film and Animation Course at the same Uni but they live in a house quite a long way from Lee. Now apparently there are two spare rooms in this house up for rent and Lee has suggested that to make the whole dealio cheaper, those three should move in with his buddies. There’s a huge room with two double beds in it and an en suit and another single room. Annafuckingslut wants her and Lee to live in there!!!!!!!

You absolute BITCH.

I mentioned that Chloe wanted to Skype with me, well she has been texting me while she gets her laptop so we have been getting to know each other. She can’t stand Annabellend either! She finds her arrogant, snobbish and nasty. Ha! She told me that A has a way with lee, like she behaves nice in front of him but as soon as he leaves or she’s not with him, she turns nasty. She, Chloe, has suggested to Lee that Annabelle has the single room and her and him share the big one. Thing is that A’s parents are rich and pay for everything. I reckon she’s got a credit card so she can buy anything she wants on them. It would make sense for her to have her own room so that Chloe can help lee out with the rent for their room. I don’t know Chloe that well, but I would rather he share with her than Annabelle. PLUS, Chloe has brilliantly pointed out that my parents would feel better about me sleeping in that shared room with her and Lee than just with lee. (As if Chloe would stay there though….no no no we have already discussed that as Chloe has got another flat that we can stay in or she can stay in! MY PARENT DON’T KNOW WE ARE TOGETHER so if I wanted to go to London it would be all above board! (in their eyes until I get there haha!) Plus they think that Annabelle is Lee’s girlfriend (makes puking gestures) so it’s all covered for future fun and games!

So yes. Where the sweet fuck is my beautiful, sexy boyfriend? Still in pigging London that’s where. WORKING. As usual I am the last person in his life to know what’s going on. As in the summer, he has to think about his job in the bar, his Mum and sister desperately missing him, his Dad, (who he is still properly raging at) wanting to see him and ME. Yes. His secret lover who remains in the background. FUCK. The last thing we spoke about was that he might be able to come here on Wednesday until Monday. Let’s fucking hope so.

I wish I could just pack a bag and go go go to London right NOW. Fuck college work and working for my Dad. But no. Sensible Casey says she needs driving lessons and to get her work done so she can finish college and get THE SWEET FUCK out of here…..that’s what being with Lee has done to me! I’m all about the sensible. Well, sometimes…….

………….until I talk to DIMITRIS! He is threatening to come here. He doesn’t want to go back to Greece this half term without me and says that he can’t stand it, he misses me and wants to meet up. My parents agree that he can..yes because his parents are friends with my Grand YIAYIA and PAPOUS! Can you believe this shit………..what do I do? If Lee doesn’t come and Lee does, i don’t know if I can trust myself to NOT do something nuts like kiss him or sleep with him. If Lee does come (please please any God or Goddess who is listening…) then how can I have two guys who I adore, for different reasons, in the same vicinity and feel ok about it?

Me to Lee: Yes so this is Dimitri who I met in Thessaloniki and lives next door to my Grandparents and goes to Manchester Uni and who I find monstrously attractive in the sense that he’s crazy, rebellious and free spirited…like you are not………….

Me to Dimitri: Yeh, so this is Lee who I fell head over heels in love with last year because he’s so cute, loving, loyal and sensible, all the stuff that you and I are not and that makes him my polar opposite…as well as being drop dead gorgeous and sexy, as he’s the one I lost my virginity to…..and would stick by me through WW3 unlike you Dimitri…..

*SHOCK*

Hmmmm………….

I am in a shitter of a dilemma. As usual. I will be back later. Right now me and Aunty S are going to cook our vegetarian roast dinner to eat with M&D.

Laterz ………..oh I will be up here with S drinking beer. At least for a few days we’ve got a car to go out in and go buy stuff………….just to breathe.

7d49d722ad32207a49623a9058ae9307

 

 

I know I am posting a lot tonight but I feel kinda weird and strung out. Lee is at work, D isn’t answering my texts and I don’t want to talk to Kate or Stella. M&D have been out all evening at some dinner party and I have been alone (as usual) in my room playing music and trying to chill out. It’s not happening. Anxiety reins. I swear that ghost is there in my bathroom again. I have left the lights on around the mirror but my eyes keep flitting there and I hear small sounds. Lee says I should leave a camera on in there at night. I’m thinking I should but actually what’s the difference. I know she’s there, I have seen her figure many times.

I feel like watching a horror film but I can’t choose. Oh! Did I tell you I went to see Evil Dead~the new release~ the other night? It was COOL. I’m not usually into slashy stuff but it kinda satisfied some kind of dark side in me. You would think a vegetarian wouldn’t like to see people being cut up and all that, but if I’m honest. LOVE IT.

download

download (2)

images (1)

images

Have you guys seen The Last Exorcism? That was a decent flick! Part 2 is due out soon. These are the next two horror movies on my ‘to see’ list:

The story of Ed and Lorraine Warren!

When is this out???!!!

When I think of Lorraine Warren it makes me miss Ryan Buell:

images (2)

images (3)

Always been my dream boy!

yeh so now I’m gonna just watch Paranormal State.

G’Night all

ink not mink!

May 1, 2013

I was just reading through Kerrang magazine and found this:

248032_10151586851759711_758014723_n

 

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Neil Gaiman

I’m still ill. It really knocked me for 6, I still feel dazed and wobbly and when I sit up I get dizzy. Colds are viruses and Dad said it’s normal. It doesn’t feel normal! I need to be 100% for Saturday when Lee comes home. Oh I can’t wait. Time is going so slooooooooooooooooow…

Guess what? He sent me this picture. I remember taking it when we were walking through the graveyard in late August. I snatched his phone out of his pocket and he chased me for a bit and tried to trip me up, but I ‘persuaded’ him to pose. He knows I can beat the living shit out of him if I want hahaha. He hated it, but look what a GORGEOUS pic came out!

15501_4205387726966_1471654159_n

This is the ONLY photo he has let me have so make the most of it!

I certainly am.

He really can’t see how good looking he is. I can.

Hell yeh.

I have enlarged it and printed it out. It’s now up next to my bed. Casey, you sad sap!

I’ve got to go back to college tomorrow to get my Christmas project stuff and give in some bits and pieces I have finished today. Bloody Kate hasn’t been in touch, charming! I have been calling and calling. No text either. People really piss me off. That’s why I would rather have animals. They don’t let you down.

522296_548463451835501_2017350940_n

My hair has faded a bit but I’m going to dye it again tomorrow ready for Saturday. Lee said my hair looked ‘amazing’ by the way.

Oh I can’t wait to see him. I wonder how long I’ve got with him before a) Annabelle turns up and starts flinging her dreadlocks around and b) before my demanding grandparents arrive.

My parents don’t know what to buy me for Christmas and Mum is getting pissed! What?!

I have tried to explain that, like Valentine’s Day and other mass media consumer ‘delights’ it’s all for the sake of multi-million pound profit making companies to slurp even more profit from gullible people. Most people are already in debt and this will probably finish them off for good. Others may have kids who see all the adverts on TV and start demanding things that poor parents can’t afford. Come on! Most of the presents given this Christmas will either be broken or forgotten about by New Year. Bullshit. Plus imagine the resources used up from the environment! Paper,metals, plastics……Jesus.

I didn’t used to be like this, by the way. Only a year ago I was hoarding a PS3, Laptop, and various other gadgets under my bed because I had been bought them and simply couldn’t be arsed to open the boxes. My parents would give me anything I asked for so things had gotten like, I don’t know, valueless?

It was only when I got to know Lee and Lisa that it all came home to me how privileged I was.  I don’t want to go into it as I have explained before, it’s weird and creepy, but just to say; THINGS DON’T MAKE YOU HAPPY!

So I have asked for some art materials.

Ode to Brandon Lee

December 13, 2012

I adore this man. He encompassed everything I think is magical in a man:

  • Good looks. He was mixed race. Dark, brooding and that black hair is so sexy.
  • Gentleness. All about peace and non violence. (He said he was against violence but playing Eric Draven in The Crow, the aggression was justified).
  • He’s spiritual and philosophical. He spoke about how people take so much for granted; that they will see a thousand sunrises, but in fact they may not and how differently people would look upon a sunrise if they knew it would be their last.
  • He’s a great actor. (See The Crow. In my top 5 film faves of all time.)

Watch The Crow here. I think I have seen it about 50 times. I love it so much. It’s Gothic, romantic, tragic, sexy and thought provoking!

Here is the Divine Man’s last interview. RIP you gorgeous creature.

brandon-lee-5116

download (6)

download (8) images (42) jdhfjdhf ncvdmnv nvnv oopopo vbdkvbdkjfvb vkjvfjk vnvnv

December 12, 2012

Mr Johnny Depp. That’s all that needs to be said!