November 25, 2013
November 25, 2013
I’ll get straight to it, cyber friends.
1. I’m grounded. I pointed out to Dad that IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE I feel like a prisoner here anyway.
2. Lisa went to LONDON. Yes, LONDON, the same city as Lee..and not only that but the same ROOM as Lee! More on that tragedy later. If I haven’t thrown myself out of my attic window before I get to the end of this rantblog.
3. Dad won’t let me have driving lessons. Because according to his warped sense of good parenting, being grounded includes not going out in a car. Fuck off!
4. My loving parents are threatening to make me move into one of the spare rooms. Hideous much? Bare this in mind: my attic room spans most of the length of the house. BIG. The guest room in question can fit a single bed in it and one chest of drawers. NO.
5. College sucks. I cannot even begin to explain how much it is sucking right now.
On Wednesdays evening Chester got out of the garden and started a bid for freedom down the lane towards the surgery. He has done this before but that was in the day and I found him after about a half hour. But at night there are no lights around which is bloody chuffing cool normally as it makes the whole area spooktastic, but for losing dogs…not cool.
So I leg it out the front door and trip over some random stupid ass box or rock or something and go flying arse over tit onto the driveway where Dad is pulling in. I am literally sprawled everywhere like I am doing angels in the gravel, and my bag has nose dived, opened up (that’s probably due to the fact I never zip the bastard thing up) and things have splayed out in his path. One of those items HAPPENED to be my tobacco. My trusty stash of Amber leaf. Yes, the rolling delight that I hardly ever smoke. Needless to say Dad picks it up and demands I find Chester and then get my self in the house for a ‘talk’. By talk, he always means ‘I will shout at you and not let you open your mouth in response, not even to defend yourself against my gross injustices, because I am older than you therefore assume that I am right at all times.’
I was almost crying with rampant rage fever while looking for Chester and I reckon he must have sensed I was hovering on the edge of despair, stumbling amongst the twigs and shrubbery, calling his name like a Banshee. He turned up quickly and I took him through the front door and upstairs to my room, stiffly perching on the end of my bed thinking what to do to calm down. I usually would have rolled a ciggie and smoked it through the bathroom window, but obviously Dad had got the fucking packet and I couldn’t remember if I had another stash in my room somewhere.
So I just went downstairs and faced the music. Yes, I got shouted at and no, I didn’t get to explain that I smoke probably one cig a day, maybe a few more if I get really stressed at college. I never smoke in the evenings because I am Skyping with Lee while doing my coursework, right, and he HATES the fact that I smoke and thinks I gave up. I have one before I sleep out the open bathroom window. Big wow, let’s hear it for the chainer!
So he grounded me. To be honest I retorted back with the fact that I already feel like I am grounded anyways, but he didn’t give a monkey’s fart as usual. It’s ok, let’s leave my (nearly) 18 year old daughter to rot up in the attic. That’s child (nearly adult) abuse…surely?
Of course the shit hit the fan on Friday night when Lisa texted me, telling me that her (cool as fuck) Mum had allowed her to go to LONDON for the weekend to see Joel. I called her immediately to get the facts of this smash to the gut, and yes, it was all arranged. She could go on the condition that she sleep in Lee’s room and lee would be keeping his eye on her. I think I hung up on her because I was just like, WHATTHEACTUALFUCKISGOINGON!!!???
and I called Lee. He was weird about it, and so he should have been, I mean what a fucker for him as well! What could he say? He asked me if I would come, well he BEGGED me to seeing as Joel was coming all the way to Lincolnshire to pick Lisa up, I had to come too….he didn’t care if we were all sleeping in his room together, he wanted to see me. BUT I WAS GROUNDED! And I couldn’t tell him why else he would have gone apeshit. But I hate lying to lee..I just had to say I was grounded and I said that I had fucked something up at the surgery and I think he believed me. He was sooooooooo gutted and even offered to talk to my Dad to try and redeem the situation just this once. But I couldn’t let him could I? Dad would have told him the real fucking reason!
So I did something hateful. I told Lee I would give him Dad’s mobile number by text so he could talk to him. This was at about 5pm and Joel was due to arrive at 5:30pm. I knew that Lee was going to work soon and probs wouldn’t be able to call me about the missing text message so I just DIDNT text him it. Lisa kept calling and texted me about a million times saying to pack my bag and just COME, but I was too distraught to even talk to her. I vowed I would never talk to her again at that point.
5:30pm. I was just sitting on my bed staring into space. I had about 10 missed calls from Lee and texts asking me to send the number quick cos Joel would be there soon….and then ones like, ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ and ‘Case, where are you, answer your phone,’ etc etc
The final text from Lisa. ‘Joel’s here and we’re about to go. Please Casey, come! My bro is desperate to see you!’
I sat there for a long, long, agonising time. I hadn’t dare look at Skype, in fact I had draped a scarf over the screen and muted it so I couldn’t hear Lee’s pleading voice.
I think it was around 10pm when Lee called me, on his break. This time I answered. he wasn’t pissed off, just really really upset with me. Lee doesn’t DO angry. Sometimes I wish he would cos Lee upset is worse. I told him that Dad wasn’t speaking to me and I thought he might shout at him if he called. Lee was all like, Case, I maybe could’ve talked him down a bit, me and him get along well…
Yes, but Dad thinks we’re just mates. Why would he think Lee was being so eager to get me to London? He would have smelled shit shining and I would then have got the third degree about my relationship with Lee.
I hate my life.
So I had to put up with watching Lisa in lee’s room waving and being nice, like Lisa is. Just be a goth! Stop being so sweet! She annoys the fuck out of me. I haven’t been able to Skype with Lee properly or fall asleep with him, cos Lisa has been there. Granted she did SLEEP in Lee’s room, but I can tell you, she spent most of the nights with Joel. I saw the door creaking open at 4am on Friday night and 5am last night. I was so jealous of her there, I wanted to hurl at the screen. Lee has been weird with me as well…as bit distant. I guess he is thinking why we have to hide everything from my parents after all this time when Lisa n Joel have been together a few months and she’s there. Why does he put up with me?
I have just Skyped with Lee but he said he was tired and has fallen asleep already. And I’ve got to go to twatting college tomorrow. Oh the joys. Why can’t being grounded include not having to go to college? Fucking double standards! No wonder I don’t want kids when I grow up. It’s all bullshit…parents just play around with their heads and cut all their puppet strings whenever they feel like it and think that knotting them back together afterwards will make them ok again.
I will never be ok.
November 10, 2013
alomost identical to mine……
November 10, 2013
Right then, I am determined to be positive all the way through this post. If I lie then I lie. Fuck it. (But I may have to put a bunch of foot notes at the end and admit some true shit!)
Ok so let’s start with my favourite subject, lee. Yeh so he finally backed down and created a Facebook page. I mean hell, is it THAT difficult?? Apparently so. I know I don’t spend much time on it either but it’s really nice to post stuff to each other, right? Well, yeh. It was cool to begin with but it’s kinda started to wear off. The novelty I mean. We Skype every day so what’s Facebook? That was his original argument and I contested it and now I hate to say I agree with him! Oh well. Anyone want to help me by making Facebook more interesting? Befriend me?
At least I badgered him into posting up a nice recent photo of himself. Wtf is his problem with his face? It’s THE most gorgeous face ON the Earth’s surface! What do you guys reck?
I caught him by surprise the day he left after half term. We were standing near the trees and the sun was peeking through the bare branches, illuminating him a bit. I had to lighten it a bit but it’s a good representation of Mr Chapman my lover!
I am pissed off this weekend (being positive has already become tedious!) because all his housemates are away and he’s there all on his own. We could set that place alight all alone this weekend! I’m glad Annabitch has gone. Apparently she is going through some counselling and has been cutting her arms. I feel bad for her (I suppose although not a LOT) cos her parents don’t give a shit, she’s only got this man-friend to fall back on (well, apart from Lee and she does that ALL the time) who beats up on her a lot. lee refuses to have him in their house so she goes off every so often to see him. Lee’s not happy about it and I know he loses sleep over her, but what can he do? He’s got his own family crap going on,even though his dad has started sending some money to his mum and Lisa, at last. Tool.
He’s going to be even busier soon cos he’s starting an Art Therapy course alongside his Fine Art degree. He wants to work with kids eventually which is cool I guess. I wouldn’t do that though, when I get my degree in Art I want to use it for something else like design. More money! lee isn’t like me in that. He reckons that money isn’t everything and we should use our talents to help other people. Ok,yeh. But I want to help myself have a good life as well!
Yep, I’m a selfish bitch! (That’s why me and Lee are great together. He’s the humanitarian and I’m the money grabber. We will be able to do great things hahaha! )
Dimitris is like me in that way. I’ve mentioned before how he and I are similar and we get on because of that, but sometimes hate each other as well! We went a week without Skyping or calling each other over half term because of one little comment I made and he took it all wrong. He is fiery and a bit judgemental like me (apparently, according to lee, very judgemental), and once he gets pissed off he can’t get through that feeling easily and so will retreat. I do the same and it drives Lee crazy as he just wants to talk everything out. I can’t and he gets pissed. I need time to heal Casey and then I come back and I can take the critique better. What’s up with that? Thing is lee takes offence, being hyper sensitive, and takes it all personally, whereas when me and Dimitri fight, we come back a few days later and laugh about it. Most of the time.
Yeh, so what about him? Well. He’s currently single AGAIN. He keeps saying that every time he gets with a new girl, he’s fine for a few weeks then he starts comparing her to me and subsequently dumps her. What can I say? I keep telling him how I feel, and it’s the truth. If I wasn’t with lee I would’ve been on the first train to Manchester months ago. We flirt a little, but I try not to let it go too far. he’s very gorgeous and attractive. We get on really well because we are so similar, but I am in love with Lee. Sometimes I DO think I might be in love with both of them, but I don’t think that’s possible.
College is still SHIT. I refuse to discuss it on this Blog because it already permeates too much of my time as it is. I always have a rant about it to Lee anyway so no more about the boredom and doom that IS my crushingly dull 6th Form. Yuuk.
Musically I listen to my favourites on a regular basis, namely when I fall asleep; Nirvana, Paramore, Panic! At the disco, Pearl jam/Eddie vedder.
Other much-listened to-lately are Flyleaf, Slint, Yellowcard and Sick puppies. Here’s a particularly fucking awesome video and track I love:
and on finding this I have also found some full albums such as these: I have just discovered Hurt. Fucking screaming.
Anyways I digress!
Talking of Youtube, I have been watching some awesome Vlogs and stuff by a girl called Sarah Hawkinson, who has her own Youtube Channel. I like her game cos she’s a vegetarian, she loves Rock/Metal music, horror films and also has a pretty cool style. At the moment she’s got a particularly fetching shade of purple hair. Check her out here:
Lee is off to work now. 6 weeks til I see him at Christmas, although he MIGHT get back here sooner if he doesn’t need to work. Same old as far as the finances go cos he needs money now for this Art Therapy Module…..
Oh yeh the gossip about Lisa and Joel! We had a great time and it ends up that those two are now an item but Lee’s Mum DOESNT know about it. Lisa thinks that she’ll freak, but Lee is all about the honesty again (oh man give it a break!) and keeps getting at Lisa to tell her. Saying that though, she has been on the phone to me most evenings going on about it in that she’s never gonna see him. Welcome to my World!!!! I do actually quite like her, but I feel a bit dubious about her newly found good style of being mildly goth and starting to listen to decent tunes. I know..I KNOW I shouldn’t judge and be shallow about appearances, but you can’t go from dancing around your living room to Lady Gaga and Britney ‘Speared’ to suddenly listening to Metallica! Morally WRONG! I will see…we talk a lot lately so I am giving her a chance. Lee would be stoked up if we got to be genuine friends.
I’m off to get food. Maybe back later but have got MOUNDS of work to get through later……………..oh and I MUST post those ghost pics I took with my Aunt!