Yeh so not a lot going down on the life front.

Hence my none committal blogging habit that I’ve recently developed.

College. College. College. College.

So what’s the same?

  • still passionately and vomtastically in love with Lee-face.
  • I still love/hate living in the middle of rural Lincolnshire like a disease-ridden hermit. I will wake up one morning and find someone has painted a massive X on my door. Plague resides here. Do not enter. Social disease!
  • Lisa sometimes comes round and hangs but we haven’t got a lot in common. Just her sexy brother and her pseudo-love of rock music.
  • Chester is my only friend.
  • Dimitri is a second contender for the ‘sexy as hell boys I know’ contest. He’s currently dating his next failure. I give it two weeks max.
  • College is dull and pointless. Oh except for the fact that I need the A Levels. Darn.
  • People at college are twats. Except Spencer. He’s ok. Not sexy at all though, so it makes it easier to be his friend.
  • Parents are annoying the hell out of me. Can’t wait for September.
  • driving lessons are wicked. I drive like a serpent.

So what’s different?

  • Apart from fuck-all? Fuck-all………..
  • my hair is purple.
  • my aunt and I finished the second chapter (draft 1). read here:

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/2014/03/21/chapter-2-first-draft/

  • she has designed a front cover. It’s full of creepy awesomeness. Look here:

http://thesilentangels.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/the-silent-angels-book-cover-muse/

  • I am listening to this……

I prom that I’ll try and write more as soon as work eases up a bit. Too much for my brain to absorb……….

for front cover silent angels 4

 

Hahaha!

I’m just in the process of getting my scrubby self gussed up. He arrived at about 4pm with Joel again and is, as I speak, spending some time with Mum and Lisa. He’s coming here after dinner and we are gonna stop in tonight, ALONE as M&D are off out. I don’t know if they realise that Lee isn’t coming with Lisa and Joel. Oh well, not my fault they didn’t ask. I think Joel is stopping in Lincolnshire for the whole half term so I hope we don’t have to hang out with them all the time! Sorry, but this is mine and Lee’s ‘space’, the woods and the graveyard. I doubt that Joel will be particularly bothered about exploring the local ‘tourist’ attractions, ha! He’s a definite city boy and is used to going clubbing and out all the time drinking. Welcome to ‘No man’s (or woman’s) land’, where the drinks are bought when you go into town and stored away behind wardrobes until the next time you can go into town and ASDAs and sneak some more in. I’ve got really good at it, doing it without Mum seeing.

I think I’ve got a bottle of Vodka and two bottles of red wine left. Thing is, if we MUST hang out with Joel and Lisa, at least Joel can drive us around and we might be able to persuade him to take us into town for a night out. I say yay to that!

Before I forget, I want to post the photos taken in London. If I don’t do it now, I’ll forget and then have others to post from this week, so here goes:

c and l - Copy

Selfie~ it shows Lee’s cute as pie freckles

case and lee

Me and Lee~ can’t wait for more of this!

casey and lisa

Me and Lisa more than half cut in The Crowbar

casey woods

We went for a walk on Sunday to try and clear our heads. I felt like ass

lee and lisa

Lee and Lisa. They are always doing stuff like this and goofing.

possible lee and casey change hair shade

Joel thinks he can play guitar but he really couldn’t. Lisa’s effort was better with one hand.

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Lisa and Joel as pissed as.

Oh my God! I had better go and get my dinner sorted. I think it’s gonna be spaghetti. I got some quorn mince and marinated it last night in my tomato and garlic spesh, so it should be scrum. I might feed Lee some later on and then he can eat ME for dessert. Oh my days. I fucking love his ass. I’ve dyed my hair again, it’s really purple! I hope he likes it. He was into the pastel bluey colour but that washed out really fast. Notice in the photos I just had normal hair colour. boooooooooooooooooooring!

I’m outta here!

Happy New Year. Maybe.

December 27, 2013

Yeh so Lee is at his Dad’s with Lisa. Until tomorrow night. Yay!

Oh my GOD every time I see this dude he gets sexier, I swear! He just looks and smells so amazing to me, I can’t understand how other girls refrain from throwing themselves at him and raping him!

So I said he was turning up at about 10pm but it went a bit tits up because he got here at 9pm and Mum let him up to my room without shouting up that he was here. He caught me having a sneaky fag out the bathroom window! He wasn’t happy about it and said I reeked of it, but I shut him up by snogging his gorgeous face off. He said he had to go back home and see his Mum and Lisa and I was like, ok sexy but when are you coming back to ravish me? Ha!

He did come back. We spent an amazing night together, neither of us slept and M&D were all about the quezzies next day cos I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Oh yeh, they have lifted the ban on me having fun just until Lee goes back. Thank God. I told him about it anyways and he wasn’t happy about my smoking but said he doesn’t own me and therefore can’t tell me to stop. I explained that I don’t smoke much and he seemed ok about it. Just concerned about my health which is fair enough. Even if he had told me to stop I wouldn’t have done cos I am so fucking bloody minded.

Christmas Eve I went to Lee and Lisa’s and we watched some TV and a couple films. Joel stayed until about 10pm and then had to go, he wanted to drive back in the night, back to Surrey, and spend Christmas with his family. Lisa was gutted. I felt for her. I went back home and spent some time with Gramps and Nan before they went off to bed. Then of course waited for Lee to climb the tree at midnight and ……..*£(&^$%^^&&!!!!!

Christmas day was better than what I thought it would be. I got up pretty late, around 11am and Mum was freaking out because she thought I hadn’t made my Christmas dinner veggie style. But I had, it just needed microwaving!

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Jamie Oliver’s Vegetarian Cannelloni

Get the recipe here:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/christmas-honeycomb-cannelloni

I got dressed up in a long silky jade green skirt, a black loose weave jumper with stars in a kind of glittery thread, purple tights and my docs. I have left my hair a pale shade of blue and it looks like it’s got purply lilac in it cos my Aunt put some semi permanent streaks in it the other week! I should have taken a selfie but tbh 1. I’m not that vain and 2. No one wants to see my ugly mug splayed across the internet!

Then I went to get Chester in and put his Christmas collar on him, then called Lee to say hi and Dimitri in Greece. I went downstairs and sat with the oldies while M&D were in the kitchen preparing dinner and Nanna goes ”So, Casey, who is the tall, dark and handsome boy I saw running across the yard early this morning?”

I died. Shrivelled up and almost blacked out.

I sat there and felt like I wanted to die. Then I burst out laughing. You know when you are so shocked, like when someone tells you some really bad news and you laugh cos you don’t know what else to do? Yep. And I couldn’t stop. On and on. I was snorting and snotting everywhere. Dad poked his head round the door and asked me what the heck was going on….I had to leave the room. I stayed in the downstairs loo for about 15 minutes and Mum came and asked me if I was ok and that she wanted a wee. I came out and walked back in. Nanna was asleep! Pops winked at me and whispered ‘It’s alright, love, your nan can keep a secret!’

Jesus.

So then I opened presents. I got a new sewing machine from Pops and Nanna, which I have wanted for EVER, 18 driving lessons from M&D and guess what was attached to the voucher? A certificate, like a promise from Dad that when I pass my driving test, he will BUY ME A CAR!!!!!

Yes, you read it right. BUY ME A FUCKING CAR!

Then Dad gave me my present from Yiayia and Papous in Thessaloniki. Two envelopes. The first one had a letter inside from Olympic Airways saying that I had two return flights to Thessaloniki this summer and I could phone them up and arrange the dates when I was ready. TWO!!!! Second envelope. I opened it and there was a booklet in there about Greek Language courses in Thessaloniki. Yiayia had put a note inside saying that I could research this online and let her know which one I wanted to do and she would go ahead and book it and pay for it! I went online and found it:

http://www.ikariancentre.com/lang/en/greek_language_courses_thessaloniki

OH MY DAYS!

AND LEE CAN GO WITH ME!

We can stay in Yiayia and Papou’s garconier!

Well stoked!

Oh man. My Mum is calling me down to eat. I’ll try and post again soon but Lee is back so….hibernation mode 😉

 

What’s up now!

November 10, 2013

Right then, I am determined to be positive all the way through this post. If I lie then I lie. Fuck it. (But I may have to put a bunch of foot notes at the end and admit some true shit!)

Ok so let’s start with my favourite subject, lee. Yeh so he finally backed down and created a Facebook page. I mean hell, is it THAT difficult?? Apparently so. I know I don’t spend much time on it either but it’s really nice to post stuff to each other, right? Well, yeh. It was cool to begin with but it’s kinda started to wear off. The novelty I mean. We Skype every day so what’s Facebook? That was his original argument and I contested it and now I hate to say I agree with him! Oh well. Anyone want to help me by making Facebook more interesting? Befriend me?

https://www.facebook.com/casey.papadaki

At least I badgered him into posting up a nice recent photo of himself. Wtf is his problem with his face? It’s THE most gorgeous face ON the Earth’s surface! What do you guys reck?

lee facebook

I caught him by surprise the day he left after half term. We were standing near the trees and the sun was peeking through the bare branches, illuminating him a bit. I had to lighten it a bit but it’s a good representation of Mr Chapman my lover!

I am pissed off this weekend (being positive has already become tedious!) because all his housemates are away and he’s there all on his own. We could set that place alight all alone this weekend! I’m glad Annabitch has gone. Apparently she is going through some counselling and has been cutting her arms. I feel bad for her (I suppose although not a LOT) cos her parents don’t give a shit, she’s only got this man-friend to fall back on (well, apart from Lee and she does that ALL the time) who beats up on her a lot. lee refuses to have him in their house so she goes off every so often to see him. Lee’s not happy about it and I know he loses sleep over her, but what can he do? He’s got his own family crap going on,even though his dad has started sending some money to his mum and Lisa, at last. Tool.

He’s going to be even busier soon cos he’s starting an Art Therapy course alongside his Fine Art degree. He wants to work with kids eventually which is cool I guess. I wouldn’t do that though, when I get my degree in Art I want to use it for something else like design. More money! lee isn’t like me in that. He reckons that money isn’t everything and we should use our talents to help other people. Ok,yeh. But I want to help myself have a good life as well!

Yep, I’m a selfish bitch! (That’s why me and Lee are great together. He’s the humanitarian and I’m the money grabber. We will be able to do great things hahaha! )

Dimitris is like me in that way. I’ve mentioned before how he and I are similar and we get on because of that, but sometimes hate each other as well! We went a week without Skyping or calling each other over half term because of one little comment I made and he took it all wrong. He is fiery and a bit judgemental like me (apparently, according to lee, very judgemental), and once he gets pissed off he can’t get through that feeling easily and so will retreat. I do the same and it drives Lee crazy as he just wants to talk everything out. I can’t and he gets pissed. I need time to heal Casey and then I come back and I can take the critique better. What’s up with that? Thing is lee takes offence, being hyper sensitive, and takes it all personally, whereas when me and Dimitri fight, we come back a few days later and laugh about it. Most of the time.

Yeh, so what about him? Well. He’s currently single AGAIN. He keeps saying that every time he gets with a new girl, he’s fine for a few weeks then he starts comparing her to me and subsequently dumps her. What can I say? I keep telling him how I feel, and it’s the truth. If I wasn’t with lee I would’ve been on the first train to Manchester months ago. We flirt a little, but I try not to let it go too far. he’s very gorgeous and attractive. We get on really well because we are so similar, but I am in love with Lee. Sometimes I DO think I might be in love with both of them, but I don’t think that’s possible.

Is it?

College is still SHIT. I refuse to discuss it on this Blog because it already permeates too much of my time as it is. I always have a rant about it to Lee anyway so no more about the boredom and doom that IS my crushingly dull 6th Form. Yuuk.

Musically I listen to my favourites on a regular basis, namely when I fall asleep; Nirvana, Paramore, Panic! At the disco, Pearl jam/Eddie vedder.

Other much-listened to-lately are Flyleaf, Slint, Yellowcard and Sick puppies. Here’s a particularly fucking awesome video and track I love:

and on finding this I have also found some full albums such as these: I have just discovered Hurt. Fucking screaming.

Anyways I digress!

Talking of Youtube, I have been watching some awesome Vlogs and stuff by a girl called Sarah Hawkinson, who has her own Youtube Channel. I like her game cos she’s a vegetarian, she loves Rock/Metal music, horror films and also has a pretty cool style. At the moment she’s got a particularly fetching shade of purple hair. Check her out here:

Lee is off to work now. 6 weeks til I see him at Christmas, although he MIGHT get back here sooner if he doesn’t need to work. Same old as far as the finances go cos he needs money now for this Art Therapy Module….. 

Oh yeh the gossip about Lisa and Joel! We had a great time and it ends up that those two are now an item but Lee’s Mum DOESNT know about it. Lisa thinks that she’ll freak, but Lee is all about the honesty again (oh man give it a break!) and keeps getting at Lisa to tell her. Saying that though, she has been on the phone to me most evenings going on about it in that she’s never gonna see him. Welcome to my World!!!! I do actually quite like her, but I feel a bit dubious about her newly found good style of being mildly goth and starting to listen to decent tunes. I know..I KNOW I shouldn’t judge and be shallow about appearances, but you can’t go from dancing around your living room to Lady Gaga and Britney ‘Speared’ to suddenly listening to Metallica! Morally WRONG! I will see…we talk a lot lately so I am giving her a chance. Lee would be stoked up if we got to be genuine friends. 

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I’m off to get food. Maybe back later but have got MOUNDS of work to get through later……………..oh and I MUST post those ghost pics I took with my Aunt! 

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Going out, baby..GOING OUT!

October 25, 2013

Lee’s taking me out, oh Lee’s taking me out…oh Lee, Lee, Lee. HE IS TAKING ME OUT!

Yeh, so Joel has gone back to London and Lee is going to get taken back by his Mum on Sunday night. I think Lisa and Joel are an ITEM because I went round there today and they were all cozied up on the sofa, clearly more than friends. I asked Lee and he raised his eyebrow in that SEXY way he does when he’s not sure about something or he thinks something’s dodgy as fuck, and then smiled. He was like, Oh man Joel! JOEL and my SISTER? I think he’s cool  with it though. I wonder how cool Marie is? Lisa is the same age as me (nearly 18) and Joel’s lee’s age, 20, nearly 20.

I made lunch for him today and then we took Chester out for a long long walk in the woods where we met. We made out bigtime in our clearing and we almost went way too far. It was freezing cold and wet, but we nearly did. I really missed his soft but manly guitar playing artist’s hands and his warm soft lips…..grrrrr! Then we stumbled back home and found that M&D were OUT so we spent a scrummy couple of hours upstairs carrying on from where we left off in the woods….yummy yum yum yum. We managed to get ourselves showered and dressed, downstairs drinking coffee when the Nazis got home.

Lee told me that one of his old mates from college is playing in his band tonight and he wants us to go. It’s in a pub, not a massive gig, but it’ll be fantasmagoria! I think it’s called ‘Leatherblack’. heavy metal. I can’t wait.

So, we’re catching the bus into town in like….20 minutes so I’ve got to post this and get going. Getting a taxi back to HERE later on. I’ll try not to drink too much else I’ll just get home and crash with no yummy yumzi with Lee…I have to make the most of it while I can! Getting drunk v sex with lee? No comparison!

Oh he’s here. I think I look ok. My hair is a bit flat, but I love the colour at the moment. Pale blue pastel. I found a nice new eyeliner as well and it looks ace with my hair. Just wearing black skinnies and a black lacey blouse with cut out shoulders and my Docs. Ready to go! Just another squirt of my Black XS perfumio and my skull scarf and faux leather jacket and…..I’m off!

Laterz!

~C~

First off. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why is my head still shoved full of wet cotton wool? My limbs feel like they have been sawn off and sewn back on by a clumsy drunken elf on acid.

I only just got up and had something to eat. Lazy biaaatch!

So. I spoke to a destroyed Lee last night. Divorce proceedings have now begun between his M&D. How can two people who created another human being as sweet, kind, considerate and loving as Lee, be at each other’s throats? I could understand if it was MY parents. I mean they have a devil spawn for a daughter mwahhhhhhhh aaaaaaaaaaaaarhhaaa! But no, seriously. It’s horrible. Lee is gutted and doesn’t know where his loyalties lie; with his Mum who didn’t want the divorce, or his Dad who instigated all of this but went through a nasty time being unemployed and getting into debt to provide for his family. I said that both of them need him and deserve his attention. I think he his angriest with his Dad though for moving out and not giving his Mum a chance.

I don’t want to get married EVER. Not even to Lee. I will have his love child and we will live in sin.

We had a slight argument because I was irritated and tired and so was he and I didn’t realise I was hassling him about when I was going to see his face again and it better be soon etc etc. He was like, PLEASE Case, give me a chance to work my last shifts and save some money to get back…and sort out my halls room and and and……..don’t keep going on….

Oh Ok.

Fuck.

He then fell asleep with his head facing the wrong way and his feet on the pillow. I could see the top of his head all night. He didn’t stir at all. Knackered out. We exchanged apologies this morning and he went out somewhere to try and sort out the end of that community project he is still doing with Annabelle. He didn’t have exams as such, just continual assessments and critiques, so he should officially have completed his course once this project is wrapped up. Better hurry the fuck up cos I miss you!

I hope bitch face doesn’t want to come here for summer.

So I am here, in my attic AS USUAL. Chester is on my bed and all I can see are HUGE piles of dirty clothes screwed up and flung all over the floor. Scraps of paper and paint and all kinds of crap from my Art prep for the 10 hour exam still littered all over my art desk and the floor underneath. Bollocks. I suppose that’s my next job! Mum is going to FREAK out when she sees all the washing.

She told me the other day that she will not take any responsibility this summer for the state of my room or my unwashed clothes, ironing or meals! WTF? Dad says I am spoiled and need to start looking after myself because Mum is not a skivvy. Oh yeh? So why doesn’t HE cook then? Why does she do EVERYTHING for him? Hypocritical as shit. Male shauvenist fucking pig attitude! Mum is so lame, she gets on my tits. Running around after Dad all day. Can’t she stand up to him? Get a fucking job so she doesn’t have to be at home all the time? HOW DULL!

Anyhow, I digress.

I need to know when D is going back to Thessaloniki for summer. I will be spitting!  His uni stopped a week or more ago but he is still hanging around. I think he’s waiting for his Dad to send him the flight money or summats.

What do I need to fucking do?

1. Tidy up.

2. Dye my pale blue hair. Although it looks ok somehow…

3. Get some summer clothes on the go…need to get into town and raid the charity shops.

4. Decide what I’m gonna do this summer. That depends on Mr Chapman!

5. Do some art work

6. Collaborate with my Aunt about the next spooktastic story about me and Lee!

7. Arrange for Stella to come here…I am NOT going there because a). I would not see Lee and b). She will always be with….him. (Dan? Chris? Can’t remember).

oh! Lee is back! Hahahaha he’s smiling! Best get this posted……….

 

 

I have just spoken to Lee (again) and I think it’s all on for THURSDAY through til SUNDAY!

Thank Godz for Eva and (I hate to say it) Annabelle. Lee has spent most of today planning the ‘rural’ element of the project so that when he arrives we can get to work and go off with the cameras and sketchbooks. His Dad apparently is a little bit suspicious and doesn’t entirely believe what’s going on, Lee not liking having to lie to his M&D, has made sure that the stuff he needs to collect as research will really be used when he gets back.

OH YAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy Happy Happy Casey!

So Lee says his Dad will arrive at his Halls to get him on Wednesday evening and he wants to drive in the night as the roads will be clearer. So he will be here when I wake up on Thursday morning. I’m hoping for decent weather so that we can be out all day, cos it’s not like we’ll be able to sit around watching DVDs and pretending to be friends when Mum walks in the room! He’s here for work so we’ll have to do it. We’ll be together and being creative, so that’s all I give a shit about.

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Oh, Annabelle was hinting that she should come and stay again! Cheeky cow. Lee said no, thank fk, cos I would have been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed out! I’ll never forget the look on her face, so smug, as her and Lee drove off in his Dad’s car after New Years. Fucking bitch was smiling and trying to hang on to Lee’s arm. What the sweet fuckery is her problem anyway? I tried to be the one who was nice, despite wanting to punch her pierced lips in. No wonder she was so keen for him to come here…I bet she wanted to rub the fact that she sleeps next door to him every night in my face! Yes, her room is next to his. Oh the joy….either that or she wants to keep her eye on him while he’s here…well guess what, girlfriend? He’s MY boyfriend!

So tomorrow I’ve got some college work to finish. Research for my textiles project. What I might do is change my original outline for this and base it on something to do with Nature or the woodlands instead. I know it’s a cliche but Lee will be able to suggest a slightly more unusual slant to it….I want something a bit better than fucking LEAVES as the base design.

Still got some pretty dull reading to do, Chaucer………..YAAAAAAAAAWN. I am like this when I read it

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sploooooooooooch. Death by Chaucer.

So I’m going to get my shit together now. Sort out my hair (blue with purple ends!) and get my tip of a bedroom sorted out cos all my clothes are strewn everywhere. Yes, Casey needs to do some washing……….

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**~C~**

I totally agree with you, Wallflower! I think we should do an ‘alternative style and muse icon’ post together!

I’m still ill. It really knocked me for 6, I still feel dazed and wobbly and when I sit up I get dizzy. Colds are viruses and Dad said it’s normal. It doesn’t feel normal! I need to be 100% for Saturday when Lee comes home. Oh I can’t wait. Time is going so slooooooooooooooooow…

Guess what? He sent me this picture. I remember taking it when we were walking through the graveyard in late August. I snatched his phone out of his pocket and he chased me for a bit and tried to trip me up, but I ‘persuaded’ him to pose. He knows I can beat the living shit out of him if I want hahaha. He hated it, but look what a GORGEOUS pic came out!

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This is the ONLY photo he has let me have so make the most of it!

I certainly am.

He really can’t see how good looking he is. I can.

Hell yeh.

I have enlarged it and printed it out. It’s now up next to my bed. Casey, you sad sap!

I’ve got to go back to college tomorrow to get my Christmas project stuff and give in some bits and pieces I have finished today. Bloody Kate hasn’t been in touch, charming! I have been calling and calling. No text either. People really piss me off. That’s why I would rather have animals. They don’t let you down.

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My hair has faded a bit but I’m going to dye it again tomorrow ready for Saturday. Lee said my hair looked ‘amazing’ by the way.

Oh I can’t wait to see him. I wonder how long I’ve got with him before a) Annabelle turns up and starts flinging her dreadlocks around and b) before my demanding grandparents arrive.

My parents don’t know what to buy me for Christmas and Mum is getting pissed! What?!

I have tried to explain that, like Valentine’s Day and other mass media consumer ‘delights’ it’s all for the sake of multi-million pound profit making companies to slurp even more profit from gullible people. Most people are already in debt and this will probably finish them off for good. Others may have kids who see all the adverts on TV and start demanding things that poor parents can’t afford. Come on! Most of the presents given this Christmas will either be broken or forgotten about by New Year. Bullshit. Plus imagine the resources used up from the environment! Paper,metals, plastics……Jesus.

I didn’t used to be like this, by the way. Only a year ago I was hoarding a PS3, Laptop, and various other gadgets under my bed because I had been bought them and simply couldn’t be arsed to open the boxes. My parents would give me anything I asked for so things had gotten like, I don’t know, valueless?

It was only when I got to know Lee and Lisa that it all came home to me how privileged I was.  I don’t want to go into it as I have explained before, it’s weird and creepy, but just to say; THINGS DON’T MAKE YOU HAPPY!

So I have asked for some art materials.

It’s done!

I just dried it and it looks awesome. I haven’t straightened it yet but this is what it looks like:

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That’s exciting! I feel better already. More rebellious, weirder…less of a sheep!

Mum can freak out as much as she likes in the morning (and she really will!) but by the time she sees it, it’ll be too late! Ha!

So, Lee just called me. I think Lisa must have told him that I’m acting weird because he never usually calls til around 10pm. It was 8:00. He started out by begging me to send him a pic of my hair…which I will…*smile* and then he said that he wanted to talk to me about…..ANNABELLE. I won’t pretend, I almost had a heart attack right there but tried to keep my voice as normal as a squeaky mouse could be.

He said that he was sorry Lisa had got to tell me before he did and that he meant to tell me himself and he felt bad. That was the least of my concerns, but anyway. He then said that she might be coming to spend a few days with him over New Year to help with a group project they have to do. I thought I was going to die of fucking relief! Apparently there’s 5 of them in the group and it’s for a community project, but the other three live way down south and can’t meet up. They are going to do their bits and then discuss it over Skype, but they might have to go back a bit early to London to finalise it before the project starts in January. So it’s not a social visit?

I was so light headed that I went and spurted out that I had hideous visions of me being a gooseberry to them all over Christmas and new year. He went quiet for a few seconds and then kind of laughed and said no, he wanted to spend the holiday with me.

Yeeeees.

I then said something lame like ‘So she’s not your girlfriend?’ and again he coughed and cleared his throat (I hadn’t notice him do that before) and he goes ‘No Case. She’s just a friend. Really. I want you to know that. I’m not interested in anyone else.’

WHAT THE FUCK does that mean?????????????????

I was so relieved to know that there was nothing happening between them and he didn’t want there to be, that I didn’t really register in my love infested brain what he had said and the connotations of it. Until we had come off the phone, that is. TYPICAL.

I feel like ringing him back NOW but really, what would I say? ‘Oh Lee about what you said before’ and QUOTE the guy? Er..no.

in anyone else ………that’s what he said.

that implies there’s someone else……and the only ‘else’ would be me seeing as he was talking to me.

Oh God, Goddess, Buddha……PLEASE let it be true!

Lisa said that he was talking about me in that way before he left for uni, just before we became friends. So what changed? Maybe he is waiting to see what I say to him, because let’s face it I was a prize bitch to him over summer. He probably feels vulnerable, not knowing whether I can be trusted as a girlfriend. I would think the same if I had met myself under those circumstances of utter hostility. Stupid cow that I am, not being able to see what was right under my nose. Ok Ok. So I wait more. Christmas is only a few weeks away now and although it’s unbearable, I have to ride it out without making a complete tit of myself before I see him again.

I have to think of small hints though. Maybe he’ll start being a bit bolder and we might get somewhere………

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