Pandora’s box has no lid. The shit has hit the fan.

September 4, 2015

My mouth had said it before I could even stop myself.

“Ok then, I admit it. Yes I slept with someone. Simon. I slept with Simon.”

And what did he say?

“Thank you.”

It wasn’t until much later, when I was in my  box room and Lee was in our room, that I realised what he meant. It wasn;t thank you for sleeping with my best mate. It was simply,

Thank you for being honest. Thank you for respecting me enough to admit it.

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It has taken me a lot of soul searching and time alone, to realise what Lee is going through right now. I think he’ll eventually speak to me, but right now I respect his request that I don’t try and talk to him. He’s been locked in our room for ages, although he did come out today cos he had Clients to see…(or maybe he cancelled them cos I listen at the wall with a glass and he was on the phone to someone an hour ago, saying he had an issue to deal with….it could’ve been his supervisor who is like HIS counsellor, in a way) he just smiled weakly and his eyes pleaded something like, please stay away until I can come to terms with what you have done……

And what of Simon? he has gone. I think he is staying with his brother in Hackney, I heard Anna talking to Chloe about it. I am the world’s best eavesdropper, by the way. (As well as the world’s worst girlfriend).

I got a text from him yesterday at 3am, saying he was sorry but he’d had to tell Lee as it was eating his insides…well great but you’ve properly fucked up my life now you selfish prick! Then today, another one, going….I have to be true to myself. I love you. You’re worth being honest about. I hope you can stand up for me the same way. 

What?

I never told him I loved him or was in love with him……. but this confuses me so much more. He feels that connection and believes in it to the extent that he has jeopardised his friendship with Lee for it.

Fuck. What have I done?

I haven’t answered him.

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