What’s up now!

November 10, 2013

Right then, I am determined to be positive all the way through this post. If I lie then I lie. Fuck it. (But I may have to put a bunch of foot notes at the end and admit some true shit!)

Ok so let’s start with my favourite subject, lee. Yeh so he finally backed down and created a Facebook page. I mean hell, is it THAT difficult?? Apparently so. I know I don’t spend much time on it either but it’s really nice to post stuff to each other, right? Well, yeh. It was cool to begin with but it’s kinda started to wear off. The novelty I mean. We Skype every day so what’s Facebook? That was his original argument and I contested it and now I hate to say I agree with him! Oh well. Anyone want to help me by making Facebook more interesting? Befriend me?

https://www.facebook.com/casey.papadaki

At least I badgered him into posting up a nice recent photo of himself. Wtf is his problem with his face? It’s THE most gorgeous face ON the Earth’s surface! What do you guys reck?

lee facebook

I caught him by surprise the day he left after half term. We were standing near the trees and the sun was peeking through the bare branches, illuminating him a bit. I had to lighten it a bit but it’s a good representation of Mr Chapman my lover!

I am pissed off this weekend (being positive has already become tedious!) because all his housemates are away and he’s there all on his own. We could set that place alight all alone this weekend! I’m glad Annabitch has gone. Apparently she is going through some counselling and has been cutting her arms. I feel bad for her (I suppose although not a LOT) cos her parents don’t give a shit, she’s only got this man-friend to fall back on (well, apart from Lee and she does that ALL the time) who beats up on her a lot. lee refuses to have him in their house so she goes off every so often to see him. Lee’s not happy about it and I know he loses sleep over her, but what can he do? He’s got his own family crap going on,even though his dad has started sending some money to his mum and Lisa, at last. Tool.

He’s going to be even busier soon cos he’s starting an Art Therapy course alongside his Fine Art degree. He wants to work with kids eventually which is cool I guess. I wouldn’t do that though, when I get my degree in Art I want to use it for something else like design. More money! lee isn’t like me in that. He reckons that money isn’t everything and we should use our talents to help other people. Ok,yeh. But I want to help myself have a good life as well!

Yep, I’m a selfish bitch! (That’s why me and Lee are great together. He’s the humanitarian and I’m the money grabber. We will be able to do great things hahaha! )

Dimitris is like me in that way. I’ve mentioned before how he and I are similar and we get on because of that, but sometimes hate each other as well! We went a week without Skyping or calling each other over half term because of one little comment I made and he took it all wrong. He is fiery and a bit judgemental like me (apparently, according to lee, very judgemental), and once he gets pissed off he can’t get through that feeling easily and so will retreat. I do the same and it drives Lee crazy as he just wants to talk everything out. I can’t and he gets pissed. I need time to heal Casey and then I come back and I can take the critique better. What’s up with that? Thing is lee takes offence, being hyper sensitive, and takes it all personally, whereas when me and Dimitri fight, we come back a few days later and laugh about it. Most of the time.

Yeh, so what about him? Well. He’s currently single AGAIN. He keeps saying that every time he gets with a new girl, he’s fine for a few weeks then he starts comparing her to me and subsequently dumps her. What can I say? I keep telling him how I feel, and it’s the truth. If I wasn’t with lee I would’ve been on the first train to Manchester months ago. We flirt a little, but I try not to let it go too far. he’s very gorgeous and attractive. We get on really well because we are so similar, but I am in love with Lee. Sometimes I DO think I might be in love with both of them, but I don’t think that’s possible.

Is it?

College is still SHIT. I refuse to discuss it on this Blog because it already permeates too much of my time as it is. I always have a rant about it to Lee anyway so no more about the boredom and doom that IS my crushingly dull 6th Form. Yuuk.

Musically I listen to my favourites on a regular basis, namely when I fall asleep; Nirvana, Paramore, Panic! At the disco, Pearl jam/Eddie vedder.

Other much-listened to-lately are Flyleaf, Slint, Yellowcard and Sick puppies. Here’s a particularly fucking awesome video and track I love:

and on finding this I have also found some full albums such as these: I have just discovered Hurt. Fucking screaming.

Anyways I digress!

Talking of Youtube, I have been watching some awesome Vlogs and stuff by a girl called Sarah Hawkinson, who has her own Youtube Channel. I like her game cos she’s a vegetarian, she loves Rock/Metal music, horror films and also has a pretty cool style. At the moment she’s got a particularly fetching shade of purple hair. Check her out here:

Lee is off to work now. 6 weeks til I see him at Christmas, although he MIGHT get back here sooner if he doesn’t need to work. Same old as far as the finances go cos he needs money now for this Art Therapy Module….. 

Oh yeh the gossip about Lisa and Joel! We had a great time and it ends up that those two are now an item but Lee’s Mum DOESNT know about it. Lisa thinks that she’ll freak, but Lee is all about the honesty again (oh man give it a break!) and keeps getting at Lisa to tell her. Saying that though, she has been on the phone to me most evenings going on about it in that she’s never gonna see him. Welcome to my World!!!! I do actually quite like her, but I feel a bit dubious about her newly found good style of being mildly goth and starting to listen to decent tunes. I know..I KNOW I shouldn’t judge and be shallow about appearances, but you can’t go from dancing around your living room to Lady Gaga and Britney ‘Speared’ to suddenly listening to Metallica! Morally WRONG! I will see…we talk a lot lately so I am giving her a chance. Lee would be stoked up if we got to be genuine friends. 

292897_584898338199214_1219854572_n

I’m off to get food. Maybe back later but have got MOUNDS of work to get through later……………..oh and I MUST post those ghost pics I took with my Aunt! 

1016313_484767118266619_1221007801_n

 

 

Advertisements

You know, I sometimes read back on my posts and lately the ones I’ve read back on are as dull as……..well, you know. Crap.

So instead of me going on about my solitary existence in Recluseville and my obsession with Annabitch, I will talk from now on, maybe sporadically though, about other subjects. Time allowing. And energy of course. Y’all get me on that.

I have just seen these quezzies on ‘justanotherteenblog’

http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/

and I thought they would offer some semi-interesting substance to my posts! So thanks to you, fellow blogger!

1. Weird things you do when you are alone.

2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

3. What kind of person attracts you.

4. What you wear to bed.

5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

6. The person you like and why you like them.

7. Your opinion on cheating on people.

8. Something you’re currently worrying about.

9. Your last kiss.

10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.

11. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

12. Things you want to say to an ex.

13. A date you would love to go on.

14. Something disgusting that you do.

15. The best things to happen to you this week.

16. Three things you are proud of about your personality.

17. Things that make you scared.

18. Disrespecting parents.

19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.

20. The last argument you had.

21. Something you can’t seem to get over.

22. Ten things about you people don’t really expect.

23. Something you always think “what if…” about

24. Things you want to say to five different people.

25. Ten ways to win your heart.

26. Your religious beliefs.

27. Talk about your siblings.

28. The month you were happiest this year why.

29. A picture of yourself.

30. What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month

Ok so let’s begin!

Weird things I do when I’m alone….(which is most of the time btw!)

  • I put on loads of layers of clothing to see how many I can wear before I literally can’t move my arms. Then I can’t get them off! It’s strangely comforting, such as a straight jacket I assume. Eeeek.
  • I ‘test’ things out, like a prediction tool. For example I sit at my desk and stare out the window and go ‘If a bird flies past before I’ve counted to 10 I will end up going to the same Uni as Lee next year.’ Yeh I know. Lame.
  • I like sitting in weird places in my attic room to get different perspectives. Like, I will go into the corner near the bathroom and stand on my head with legs against the wall and take a photo.
  • I leave my skype on all night so I can watch Lee sleeping. Stalker-weird! (But he does it too so that’s ok).
  • I leave my dictophone on all night to record EVPs. I am sure my bathroom is haunted.
  • I find the lamest songs of the moment on Youtube and sing to them in a thrash metal voice. Faves include Miley Cyrus.
  • Ask myself questions. And answer them. I never disappoint myself like other people do……….

I used to do stuff like this with my poor hand made rag dolls but I’ve grown out of that now….at least I think I have…hmmmm

 

Because lee’s not here yet. And I’m boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored.

He’s working. Why? Well to cut a long story short, his Dad has decided that he’s not going to be sending his Mum and sister any money! WTF would be about right. I mean, it’s NOT right that he should do this, surely? Lee has been on the phone with him every night trying to sort it, but apparently his M&D had a huge row and that was the last thing he said to her. Lee is, of course, fuming with him for many reasons. The obvious being that he HAS to provide for his family even though they are filing for divorce. He will have to pay them money legally so why stop now and make it worse!? Poor lee has had to scrounge extra hours in the bar to send money back to his Mum while this childish situation gets resolved. That leaves me and him up in the air as to when he can come back home for the summer, as well as the problem that he can’t stay in his house over summer without paying rent, which is massive. His Dad’s not going to carry on paying for his rent (if he’s in such a fucking foul strop) for Lee to work to send money home to his Mum. lee said that he’s willing to lie to his Dad, saying that he’s got to stay and do Uni work, for the sake of being able to stay and earn some cash! Jesus fucking Christ.

I just listen to all this every night, trying not to get upset, trying to be supportive, thinking WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME!!!??? I don’t want him to have extra ball ache because I’m whining like a bitch at him. Fuck it!

Dimitri has gone to Thessaloniki for the summer and is, as we speak, at his parent’s summer house in Halkidiki. Mmmm. Jealous much? Hell yeh! I miss him. He hasn’t got an internet connection that can support skype so we just use msn and texting. Ouch. He told me that he’s dating three girls there already, all from Thessaloniki. Again, I try not to think about why I am scratched by the nails of the green eyed monster when he talks about it. I don’t know why.

He sent me this a few days ago. Twist the knife RIGHT into the wound why not?Diamerisma_agora_Thesaloniki_fotografia_19113222

Ok, this is the view he had of my (Grandparent’s) balcony when I was there earlier this year and we would sit outside til late in the night talking. looks like Yiayia has been clearing out a bit cos there are some cupboards and stuff there. I MISS MY ROOM SO MUCH!!!

I have been writing to my Greekies and I got a letter back from Yiayia the other day. I will post it on here, it’s amazing to see the Greek writing. I showed it to Dim on skype and he translated it for me. Awww I love my Greekies! I want to go back so much and I keep having dreams about it. I wake up and feel so sad. Lee is always there with me and Dimitri. I wish it could be like that…

296113_518772128176952_1759885843_n

So I haven’t been doing much, just moping around. I know I should be happy that college is over til September, but surprisingly, I am am feeling deflated after the exams. I guess it’s cos I feel like I am DOING something constructive in my mission to get away from here and go to London with Lee when I am at college and working towards exams. Afterwards it’s back to being 17 year old Casey who still lives with her parents in a house in the middle of nowhere. Going nowhere with only Chester dog for company.

I did get to go shopping with Mum (well, I say with, but she went to Next and I went to some charity shops) and these are two things I picked up. Cool eh?

shot_1369071924900 shot_1369071955956

There are so many things I want to do, but can’t. Like:

1. Get a tattoo on my wrist. (M&D forbidden).

2. Get a nose ring. (M&D forbidden).

3. Go to Greece and hang out with D.

4. Go to London and hang out with Lee.

5. Go to my Aunt’s and help her write the next novel about me and Lee. (I might get to do that soon actually).

Basically, this is what I have done every day since I broke up from college:

  • Got up around midday.
  • Taken Chester for a walk.
  • Showered and put makeup etc on.
  • Sometimes eaten breaky and mostly not!
  • Sent Lee and Dim a text message each and replied to them.
  • Tried to tidy up my room and sort out dirty clothes, taken some downstairs, shoved them in the washing machine.
  • Attempted to iron some but given up. How dull is that fucking job???
  • Gone for a walk in the woods again with Chester.
  • Read a book or magazine. (Currently reading The Ritual by …..some guy and can’t get into it!)
  • Surfed around on Youtube for any new stuff on paranormal investigations.
  • Listened to music. Current favourite includes Sneaker Pimps.
  • Had a cheese and pickle sandwich.
  • Written some diary stuff.
  • Talked to lee on the phone or Skype.
  • Stared out the window and missed Lee a lot.
  • Gone downstairs to eat with M&D. Avoided a lot of topics -of -the- day for example, what are you going to do for the next 6 weeks, Casey?
  • Helped Mum (not Dad you notice!) clean up the kitchen.
  • Back out to take Chester for a walk. Stayed out a long time cos I love this time of day. Twilight.
  • Watched TV in my room or some youtube vids.
  • Listened to music on my i pod. Dozed off.
  • Woken up at around 12 midnight to talk to Lee on Skype. He texts me if he sees I am asleep hahaha! How cool is that!
  • Watched a DVD or something else to try and take my mind off missing Lee (approximately 3am each night after he falls asleep).
  • Fallen asleep around 4:30am……………

Cool. Not. Very not.

Things have to change………..

tumblr_mamdj7sMLW1qeo4lho1_500

 

 

still into you

May 26, 2013

Yes I am, lee Chapman!

Sunday sanctuary

November 18, 2012

Having a break from college work. I haven’t been out anywhere at all this weekend, not even to Kate’s. I saw Lisa (Lee’s sister) when I took Chester for a walk earlier on, but only a quick hi from over the fence. I should try and go round and see her more but to be honest, it’s hard to sit there when Lee’s not there. It makes me really sad and I get home and feel depressed. I don’t want to bug her about Lee, like ask her if he ever says anything to her about me (they’re really close) and I can’t ever think of much else to talk about. She’s not at college any more, she decided to do a Hairdressing Course instead. We kind of lost contact.

So really, nothing much to write about. I love weekends where Mum and Dad don’t disturb me and I can stay up in my room on my own. It’s fricking freezing out there anyway and apart from taking Chester for walks, I don’t feel like going out. Summer is cool because even when it rains it’s not too cold and that smell of sun drenched earth rises up and it’s refreshing. Winter is great viewed from indoors! I can see a lot from my attic room anyway. The tops of the trees as they sway and throw their mottled, burned leaves around. The birds taking flight to hide under the woodland canopies. The rain as it sweeps through the woods, showering the trees and mudding up the paths and fields. I’m warm. I never close my curtains. I love watching the dusk and twilight and how shadows are cast and the shapes that come forth. The trees dance, blackened against the purple sky. Clouds dyed ink against charcoal canvas. When it pours the rain flows like bent forks down the glass, distorting the view of the world outside. Just as I see it.

Stella is always asking me what the hell I do at the weekends. Well, Friday night I’m usually with Kate just chilling out at hers, listening to music and watching films. (On Friday night we watched ‘Chronical’ I’ll write more about that later.) Most of the time I stay over because it’s a half hour drive and Dad refuses to pick me up after 11pm. I get back Saturday morning and take Chester for his morning walk (By the way, Chester’s my labrador pup, well not so much a pup now, he’s about 6 months old! I LOVE him sooooo much. I nearly lost him in the summer, again part of that whole nightmare scenario that I try not to think about, so he’s like my most precious thing now.) I walk him despite the rain and cold and I take him to all my favourite woodland places behind the house. Lee and I have explored everywhere and I always think he’s going to pop out from behind a tree at any moment and pounce on me. I miss him!!!

Then I usually help Mum a bit around the house (draaaaaaaaag) but again, after all that has happened it’s kind of the least I can do. We get along ok now, although she still gets on my tits when she tries to tell me what to do. I mean, I know parents are supposed to know best, but at the end of the day, they are not ME. They don’t know what goes on in my head. No one does to be honest. Dad is cool and we have some good talks, although I don’t see him that much what with his surgery and stuff. He’s sometimes out nights as well on call so then during the day I have to be all quiet cos he sleeps. I can do quiet as my room is at the top of the house. Away from everyone. It’s my haven!

After lunch it’s college work, although I have to fight the urge to do other things. It’s hard to get down to work when you know you’ve got Sunday as well. I used to be really bad at it, like leaving homework till Sunday evening. Truth is I can’t do that now I’m doing A levels. As I’ve already said, there’s LOADS. Still don’t think I can handle it…..

Saturday nights are a bit shitty. Lee always calls (well that is if he’s not with ANNABELLE) and we have a got chat. Too bad he’s still not on Skype, but I can’t persuade him. He says it’s too expensive to have an internet connection what with the amount of money his parents already pay out for his Halls and everyday stuff. London is expensive. I like cosying up on my bed with my laptop, watching music vids on Youtube or dvds. I’m usually into a good read but do that at night before I go to sleep. At the moment I’m reading a weird book called The Sensualist. It’s cool. My sort of book. Spooky and chilling with a bit of mystery:

Here’s the link to details:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/553069.The_Sensualist

I also LOVE all books so far by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. I mean OMG so gothic, so dark and so full of suspense! I’m a sucker for books about books and writing, so this is probs my favourite:

Check out the Synopsis!

‘Buried in the back streets of Barcelona lies the Cemetery of Lost Books – a mausoleum for out-of-print works, salvaged by the bibliophiles of the city. There, 10-year-old Daniel Sempere discovers a book called The Shadow of the Wind, by Julián Carax, which captures his young imagination.

But when he investigates this unknown author, he finds out that his is the last surviving copy, as a mysterious figure called Laín Coubert has dedicated himself to eradicating Carax’s work completely. But in Carax’s book, Laín Coubert is the name of the Devil.’

HELL YEAH! 🙂

Anyway I digress.

I’ve just noticed the time. Oh Balls. So much work to do for tomorrow. I’ll try and post again tonight, later though. Much later!

‘Every book, every volume you see here, has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it. Every time a book changes hands, every time someone runs his eyes down its pages, its spirit grows and strengthens.’
Carlos Ruiz Zafón‘s Shadow of the Wind.