Ha! So Mum had made a vegetarian dinner for her and dad, forgetting that I could actually eat it…so she said why should I cook something different if I want it? Yeh it’s like a nut roast and quite FINE! Things do taste better when someone else cooks it. It’s ages since I ate someone else’s cooking. Oh, except when Lee made us a pasta dish during the half term. That was deeeeeeeeevine!

So I’m here eating. Lee has gone. We leave Skype on all the time so when I come out of wordpress now I can see his room. Unmade bed, clothes on the floor and some books and sketch pads on the bed. He’s usually Mr Anal when it comes to tidiness. I wonder if I may have rubbed off on him perchance?! Mum and Dad are watching The Golden Compass downstairs. I love that film but I’ve seen it like a GAZILLION times……

I wanted to mention my passion to watch at the moment which is AMERICAN HORROR STORY 3:COVEN. I mean oh my god, I just can’t tell you. My Aunt found it on Blinkbox and there are currently two episodes out, even though from Facebook I see that in USA they are on episode 6 or something!

https://www.facebook.com/americanhorrorstory?fref=ts

fiona goode kyle and zoe misty day

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It’s hard for me to see her as Zoe in this series. She was Violet in Season 1 and that’s how I love her!

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I really identified with Violet when I watched this series. Yes, the plot is fab and the scenes are just to die for, but it was as if I was her and she me……Violet. I cut myelf once but I am afucking chicken. I kind of liked it but it hurt and I am so vain that I didn’t want scars on my wrists.

Pause for reflection? Anyways….

Next post I will:

1. Post those ghost photos

2. Answer another one or two of those questions I started answering here:

https://caseyepapadaki.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/questions-questions-and-some-questions/

3. Do a cool ‘currently’ list like Justanotherteenblogger here:

http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/currently-2-0/e:

Mind the bed bugs don’t bite!

~C~

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And he’s here!

October 23, 2013

I have been waiting all week for this and FINALLY he has just texted. He’s about 10 minutes from here, in the car. The only downer is that his buddy Joel is bringing him in his car so he’ll have to stay over. Conclusion? No midnight rendezvous meet up climbfest up the tree! Boooooooohooooooo…………

How the fuck am I gonna cope, laying here when he’s two minutes away? ALL night? I haven’t seen him for 7 weeks or more….it feels like 7 years!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.

music will get me through…..a few dvds until I fall asleep…..I might make my Aunt sit up all night with me and ghost hunt to take my mind off it. We have caught some weird shit in my attic room and bathroom over the last few nights. I’ll post them if anyone’s interested in paranormal stuff then please comment.

We have been discussing the new novel by the title of SILENT ANGELS. I’m not going to disclose what that refers to, only that it’s the PLACE where the story unfolds!

oh MAN. Another text. He’s almost here. oh fuckety fuck. Do you know what? Fuck THIS I’m going to meet him and snog his face. Joel knows about us so he’ll have to excuse the vom.com while we crush each other to death in the driveway!

Laterz! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! :)))))))))))))

 

You know, I sometimes read back on my posts and lately the ones I’ve read back on are as dull as……..well, you know. Crap.

So instead of me going on about my solitary existence in Recluseville and my obsession with Annabitch, I will talk from now on, maybe sporadically though, about other subjects. Time allowing. And energy of course. Y’all get me on that.

I have just seen these quezzies on ‘justanotherteenblog’

http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/

and I thought they would offer some semi-interesting substance to my posts! So thanks to you, fellow blogger!

1. Weird things you do when you are alone.

2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

3. What kind of person attracts you.

4. What you wear to bed.

5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

6. The person you like and why you like them.

7. Your opinion on cheating on people.

8. Something you’re currently worrying about.

9. Your last kiss.

10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.

11. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

12. Things you want to say to an ex.

13. A date you would love to go on.

14. Something disgusting that you do.

15. The best things to happen to you this week.

16. Three things you are proud of about your personality.

17. Things that make you scared.

18. Disrespecting parents.

19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.

20. The last argument you had.

21. Something you can’t seem to get over.

22. Ten things about you people don’t really expect.

23. Something you always think “what if…” about

24. Things you want to say to five different people.

25. Ten ways to win your heart.

26. Your religious beliefs.

27. Talk about your siblings.

28. The month you were happiest this year why.

29. A picture of yourself.

30. What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month

Ok so let’s begin!

Weird things I do when I’m alone….(which is most of the time btw!)

  • I put on loads of layers of clothing to see how many I can wear before I literally can’t move my arms. Then I can’t get them off! It’s strangely comforting, such as a straight jacket I assume. Eeeek.
  • I ‘test’ things out, like a prediction tool. For example I sit at my desk and stare out the window and go ‘If a bird flies past before I’ve counted to 10 I will end up going to the same Uni as Lee next year.’ Yeh I know. Lame.
  • I like sitting in weird places in my attic room to get different perspectives. Like, I will go into the corner near the bathroom and stand on my head with legs against the wall and take a photo.
  • I leave my skype on all night so I can watch Lee sleeping. Stalker-weird! (But he does it too so that’s ok).
  • I leave my dictophone on all night to record EVPs. I am sure my bathroom is haunted.
  • I find the lamest songs of the moment on Youtube and sing to them in a thrash metal voice. Faves include Miley Cyrus.
  • Ask myself questions. And answer them. I never disappoint myself like other people do……….

I used to do stuff like this with my poor hand made rag dolls but I’ve grown out of that now….at least I think I have…hmmmm

 

Lee went back to London yesterday.

I’ve literally just managed to drag my depressed ass out of bed. I don’t know why I thought I had to do it because now I can’t even be assed to do anything. It’s cloudy and I feel cold. I’m sitting cross legged on my messy bed wrapped in my duvet that I haven’t changed (cover-wise) for about a month. No kidding .

I didn’t sleep much last night. I had some bad ass dreams that made me wake up in a complete stress panic and at about 2:30 I decided not to go back to sleep so I fucking just went out for a long walk for like, FOREVER.

He left at about 10am. He was booked on a coach from town to London and got there at 3 in the afternoon and fucking bitch Annabelle was waiting for him at the coach station at Victoria. Like I really needed to know that? He texted me and then I didn’t hear from him at all last night so he basically left me here on my own for the first time in what? 2 months? FUCK.

I don’t even know how to write how I’m feeling. I don’t know WHAT to write. Thing is I don’t know WHAT to do about life at all right now. I can’t stand the thought of having to go back to 6th form on Monday and start the whole numb-skull process of getting through each fuck boring dull day again with the same shit. I know how it will go; Get up at 7, get ready, have breaky, catch the bus….have 3 classes of various crap, then go home and do homework, skype with Stella, Lee and Dim and stay up too late reading or watching movies, fall asleep….you get the black picture!

What can I do to stop the rot of 2013/2014 setting in? Apart from the half terms and holidays when I (hopefully) get to spend time with Lee.

It hasn’t been all romance and flowers in a meadow of passion!

We haven’t, or should I say I haven’t, got over that issue about me being almost pregnant. We spent a good week after that not really communicating. I felt like we weren’t suited on a non-romantic level..like we had just been surfing on a huge wave of lust for all this time and hadn’t noticed how little we have in common. I know we HAVE cos we spent the first gazillion years being best buddies, but when something like that hits you, it’s like, woahh and what the actual fuck do we do now!

Lee wants to get married in his twenties and have a family, at least 3 kids. I don’t. Hence the big hole in my heart. And when I say I don’t I really fucking MEAN I don’t. I want to travel, I want to go work and live abroad like my Aunt did, I want to be wild and free and a fucking liability in my 20s not some slipper wearing, bun of hair wearing, apron tied mother and housewife dying of boredom. I would defo become a drug addict or severely alcoholic. Lee or no Lee, I can’t do it. I had visions of us doing all the crazy shit together! Yes, MY crazy shit which I had never discussed with him because I ASSUMED we both shared that desire.

Fuck my fucking life.

stella thinks I should break up with him now. She reckons the longer we carry on the worse it’s gonna be when we break up like a few years time when he wants THE FAMILY. How the HELL can I? I love him to absolute distraction! He’s the other( better) half of me.

We haven’t talked about this because let’s face facts. I am 17 years old, yes nearly 18 but…wtf should I have to talk about THIS for????

I don’t know if it has ground into his brain as deep as it has in mine, but he seems a bit more distant, like we both suddenly grew older by 10 years. He is now 29 and I’m 27. Somehow I don’t think we’ll still know each other by then and THAT makes me want to lay down and die, quite frankly.

Stella’s like ‘There are so many other guys you could go out with and meet, and you’re off to Uni as well so imagine it there, all those sexy rocker boys.’

I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE.

Well, except perhaps Dimitris, but let’s not discuss that in this post.

Mum’s calling me.

Ok so I will try and muster up the energy to lift my fingers up and write some more later. I have a load of work to do that of course I forgot about during the holidays. I could have done it as well, Lee being at work every morning, but that’s me. Procrastinator supreme.

Fucking shit.tumblr_m2nds6CIuU1qfdwsio1_400

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still waiting

October 31, 2012

Ok, so I got onto Skype about an hour ago as Phil said he’d be back from football by then. HE suggested the time. He’s still not there, but when I went onto Facebook, who should I see ONLINE? Yes, Philip bloody Herring. I will wait here on Skype for another 15 minutes and that is ALL. He won’t get a chat message on Facebook from me either. Screw him. I notice he’s got a few new ‘friends’ on there as well since last time I looked on his profile. One girl I know is from school, Hannah. She flirts with him a lot but she’s a bit of a towny so I don’t think he’ll be that keen on her. Bloody hell. We hardly see each other as it is so when we arrange to Skype he should at least make the effort. And hide the fact he’s on Facebook, the moron.

😦

On a happier note, Lee is coming back from uni on Friday for the weekend! YAY I AM SO HAPPY!!!! He misses me, he misses me, HE MISSES ME! I wish we were an item but…if I say something it might ruin what we have and I don’t want that. Shit. After what we’ve been through together I can’t lose him now. It’s ok for Stella to go ‘Just kiss him’ but come on! JEEZ. When I think about Phil and then Lee, I’m like what are you doing, Casey. I know I know I KNOW. I guess Phil is just THERE and it’s filling a void. He’s using me as well, obviously. I know he’s chatting with other girls like Hannah par example…so I’m not arsed at this point. I just want to see Lee.

*SMILES*

Listening to: Breathe by Breaking Benjamin

I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.Is it over yet, in my head?I know nothing of your kind, and I won’t reveal your evil mind.Is it over yet? I can’t win.So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what’s left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I’m going all the way, get away, please.
You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
’cause I will be the death of you.This will be all over soon.
Pour salt into the open wound.Is it over yet? Let me in.So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what’s left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I’m going all the way, get away, please.You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
’cause I will be the death of you.I’m waiting, I’m praying, realize, start hating.You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
’cause I will be the death of you.
Dedicated to PHIL HERRING