London, baby!

August 21, 2014

It’s been an age since I posted, mainly because I have been bombing it this summer, including spending every waking second I can with the scrum-bum Lee-face! And I got my A level results.

I’m in! I’m going to London to do my Art Foundation Course!

I wanted to write and let everyone (all 3 of you that read my blog hahaha) that I’m still alive, very very much so, and what’s going on. This weekend, well tomorrow specifically, I am going to the capital of AWESOME with Mum, Dad and Lee and we are going to check out the house, you know the one that Lee lives in (The Feral house as it has been named. I have an incline as to why and I can’t wait to find out more) because they’ve got a spare room. Ok, so we all know that I won’t be spending A SINGLE night sleeping in any spare box room, but M&D don’t know and if M&D knew? Well let’s just say, SHIT and FAN, and lots of it cascading off!

I know,I know. I’m 18 and shouldn’t let them control me, but what choice do I have? There’s no way until hell freezes over and I give birth to Brenden Urie’s love children, that they would pay rent for me to stay with Lee. I mean if they knew we were together. So I play them to get what I want. Lee’s still riding my ass to tell them, but I won’t. He’s freaking out cos he’s like, ‘Oh Case, they’re going to buy you a new bed and stuff, which you’ll never need, it’s a waste.’ Ok then, what would you prefer? Me living in some Halls miles away that they have to pay through the nose for? I mean this rent for the house is a pittance compared to any rent for Halls. It’s got 5 massive double rooms and this single room which they use for junk. They all pitch in and pay the rent monthly which is something like £1200. It’s a run down old Victorian so it’s cheaper than normal. That divided by 6 of us? Bargain. For London prices it’s ridiculous!

M&D are all stressing about it saying how can I live in a tiny box room when I’m used to the attic space I’ve got here. I just said that you know, London’s a huge city. I’d rather spend my first year there around familiar faces and plus the fact Dad’s got another 3 years after my Foundation to fork out for me. That seemed to sedate them, but we’re going tomorrow so they can check it out and Lee’s going to get rid of all the crap in there so Dad can measure up for my bed. Hahaha. It’s just going to be an extra space for me, maybe to do my art. Lee’s really tidy, so it’s better to avoid any screaming matches by having my messy space and letting him do his unmessy art in ‘our’ room. OUR FUCKING ROOM! How cool is this?????

I don’t know how I’m going to handle the Annabitch situation, but at least I’ll be able to keep my beady eye on her better from up close!

Mum’s stressing me to start packing what stuff I want to take, but I’m too excited…

Meanwhile, in normal life, I am still having driving lessons but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take my test before I leave. Bummer. Lee says that it’ll be a nightmare bringing a car to London anyway as there’s nowhere to park it outside the house and it’s a dodgy area so my insurance premium would go sky high. He reckons the tube is the best for students anyway. He gets to travel around for next to nowt with his student oyster card. Sorted!

So I just can’t wait to be a weird, freak of an Art student in LONDON! This is like a fucking dream come true! I wish I could take Chester but no pets allowed. Chloe’s got a cat in her room but the landlord doesn’t know. I think a barking dog would cause a stir. Plus there’s only a scraggy overgrown garden (that slopes upwards, how creepy) and Lee reckons it could have any chemical crap in it cos there’s old paint pots and shit littered around. I don’t want Chester getting his paws on that!

I’ll be back at Christmas anyway..

I hope I’ll find time to blog once I’m there. I will try. It’s going to be hella different from being here all on my tod every day and night! I have loved this blog, but I guess I have used it as a convenience for my lonely rantings. I don’t imagine I’ll be lonely any more!

Ok. lunchtime. Lee’s coming in a while and we’re going to start making a list of what I’ll need. OH MY DAYS! LONDON!

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spending time with LeeBee!

That’s what I am calling my dude now cos he got stung this afternoon! No, I shouldn’t laugh, but it was by far the fucking funniest thing I have ever seen…I will write about it when I can stop crying from laughing. Yes, he’s fine now, don’t worry!

He’s back with me as from this morning! It has been the classic scenario, he gets here and spends time with Mum and Lisa then comes to be my best mate in front of my M&D, (and gets stung by a tiny bee and freaks out like a girl hahahahahahaha!) then goes back home to eat and then back here in the evening to carry on pretending to be my best friend, then climbs the tree circa 1am……..well at least I hope to holy crap he does….later on.

We’ve already had ‘the convo’ about why I can’t just tell my Nazi parents. I’m 18, yes, I know that BeeBoy, (rotfl) but then they wouldn’t give us as much freedom. Think about it. Although, he did say, and I have to admit, I sat and considered this…I could stay at HIS house cos his Mum is cool about us. I mean he’s 20. She trusts him. Unlike my parental prison guards.

But then, mine would forbid me to stay there, so wtf…..and it’s only 5 minutes walk away so my dad would stroll along down and knock on the door. Then Lee’s Mum would be in shit and she works for Dad and needs the money, so then? No. Let’s keep it

SECRET!

just for a laugh:

(and in case you are wondering, yes, I am in fact mildy drunk as I write, at this precise moment in time)

except we don’t belong to anyone else!

Oh I’m laughing so hard right now I think I just dislocated a rib!

 

Yay! Another weekend in London is on the cards and Lee wants me to go with Lisa. I brought the subject up last night with M&D and they were silent at first. Mum was washing pots and Dad sat there in the kitchen. Mum just turned round, glanced at me blankly and then at dad and said ‘ What do you think?’

Dad looked at me and sighed. I asked what the problem was, innocently of course, and he said there was nothing wrong, just that it was a long way to go for two days. I explained that Lee and Joel would come and stay over Thursday night and we would go Friday after college. I told them that Lisa was going and that she would stay in Lee’s room and I would be in with Chloe, Lee’s friend. Dad was like, ‘I hope you won’t be drinking and smoking all weekend’ and Mum just cut in and said ‘This is Lee we are talking about, Theo.’

I CAN GO!!!! My wonderful, sexy, mature, boyfriend swung the deal! They think light rays shine out of his ass, which they actually DO and that he is trustworthy enough to look after me. Dad phoned Lee’s Mum and she confirmed that she was fine with it as Lee is ‘extremely responsible and protective of Lisa as he is of Casey.’ Ha!

I’M FUCKING GOING TO LONDON!! Lee is totally made up and his cheeky, grinning face on Skype has just FLAWED me!

Too excited to fruckin write anymore. Plus I’ve got to get tons of college work done before Thursday…….cos the weekend is gonna be ONE BIG FAT MUTHAFUKING PARTY.

Well, more like me and Lee hibernating for two days in his room.  *SMILE*

2014 so far….

January 12, 2014

I haven’t blogged since before New Year, in fact I haven’t blogged THIS year at all. Sounds so bad.

I left all my college work til last minute and when Lee left last weekend I had to get it all done. In one day. Feeling SHITBALLS about life as I usually do after he has gone. I went back to college for one day and then started (well, continued) to feel like shit and dad said I had a virus. Then I started chucking chunks. It was vile. I have been off this whole week, just curled up in bed between hurling into a bowl on the floor and visiting the loo. Just fucking hideous.

There’s not really much to write about, well nothing exciting at least. I had a perfect time with Lee. He came back from his Dad’s the day after boxing day and wasn’t in a great mood, but that’s understandable. He spent some time with his mum after that but kept coming back at night. I had my period (yeh, thanks for that. GREAT TIMING) so it was no sex but he still wanted to sleep in the same bad as me and cuddle up. Result. Stella’s boyfriend doesn’t stay with her when she’s on so I feel blessed that lee sees me as more than a shag at night. I just LOVE waking up all tangled with him. He’s got really hairy legs and it feels weird but I have got used to it hahaha.

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We had another blue about me not wanting to tell my parents. I think I mentioned that my Nan somehow found out that Lee was in my room? She left me a note in one of my jacket pockets saying that she knew about ‘the boy’ and that she wouldn’t tell M&D but that I should be really careful. We’ve already been through the pregnancy scare once so we are both more aware of that possibility. I told him that it’s not long before I (hopefully) get accepted on the foundation course in London so we can be together. I just HAVE to get into Uni in London. What if I don’t? It’s not worth thinking about. My first choice is St Martin’s, not because lee is there, but it’s the best one in my opinion. My second and third choices are Chelsea and Kingston. I have applied already and I have to get at least a B in each of my A level subjects to get into St Martins. This is why I am freaking out most of the time and spend all my time working! I managed to persuade Dad to let me go to London to do my Art Foundation because there are NO foundations courses close by around here and because I have done A levels, that’s the next step before my Degree. Lee did it differently, I think he did BTEC so he could go straight to London and start his Degree.

I just can’t wait to get away from here, even though I love it for the serenity, lack of humans and woods and nature. I need to meet cool people, be with Lee, stop all this insane jealousy about Annabelle, and be in a place that inspires me and lets me be Casey.

I listened a lot to Lee playing guitar this holiday. I really want to learn but when he tried to teach me I screamed like a dick cos it really hurt my fingers! Here’s a GIF I made of him playing. I did it on Photoshop.

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So tomorrow it’s back to the grindstone and the rat race. Fuck it. The one positive is that I’ll be starting driving lessons on Tuesday evening and the sooner I get my licence, the sooner I get a car and the sooner I’ll be able to motor on down to London whenever I feel the fuck like it. I would set off at about 11pm, drive for about 3 hours cos there wouldn’t be anyone on the motorways at that time really, and get to London at about 2am….spend a divine few hours in bed with Lee and then drive home by about 8am and get ready for college. Then die at about 2pm that day from being trashed! So what, Fuck it.

QadITiR

Oh forgot to tell youz. One of the prezzies Lee gave ‘us’ for Christmas was this cute pillowcase set. He has taken one with him though so we are both sleeping on them.

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So ….dinner time for me now. Uggh I still feel a bit queazy. Oh well. I can’t stand the thought of anymore fucking soup. Vomtastic. I wish I could drink copious amounts of wine to get me through to February half term. So fucking LONG. Amber Leaf, red wine and Chester.

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hair casey pink

~C~

Last night

October 24, 2013

Oh man, I am soooooooooo happy!

Last night.

I ran there and stood like a douche at the front of the house to wait for Lee. It was fucking FREEZING cos I hadn’t even thought to put a coat on and had my converse sneakers on so got my feet wet. It was dark. I stood there in front of the gate shivering, watching through the trees for signs of car headlights. I forgot that I was in fact standing in full of the front living room and the curtains were still open (bonus of living in the middle of nowhere you don’t have to keep doing pointless things like pulling them) I turned and looked in and saw Lisa standing there grinning…there was something different about her but I didn’t realise what it was til she got outside and came running up to me.

She’s gone all gothy.

Black tousled hair, nose stud, bangles all the way up her arm, thick kohl eyeliner….you get the picture. LISA! The girl who at new year was dancing to Britney spears wearing high heels and her blonde hair neatly sprayed to death in a straight bob…SHOCK

She was like, Hi Case are you waiting for Lee and Joel? Why don’t you wait inside it’s freezing….I was just about to say no thanks cos I want to plaster him with my body in a few seconds from now and believe me you don’t want to see your dear brother compromised like that when headlight beams slid through the density in front of us and a brand new mini swerved dangerously round and came to a screeching standstill literally a few millimetres from us. Lisa wailed and jumped back. I didn’t so I nearly got killed actually hahaha but didn’t care because…

Two long legs appeared from the passenger side, those dirty red doc martens that I LOVE that hold the feet that I LOVE….(I know vom.com again) and then he was standing in front of me, hair over his face, grinning and holding his arms out. I just THREW myself at him and immediately the cold disappeared and his arms were round me, squashing me ….his smell AAAAAAAARGGGGG……..a bit of ciggie smoke cos Joel had been smoking I think (in hindsight) but his smell was amazing and his warmth….OH MAN…I could hear Imagine Dragons blasting out in the background coming from the car…seemed like ages….when the guy who was Joel, shouted something like ‘Get a room, room ,room room.’ and I came back down to earth. We let each other go and Lee turned to Joel and told him to go fuck himself and then realised Lisa was there and went to hug her. He loves his siss which is cute I guess. Suddenly I felt something hit my right shoulder and taken aback, saw Joel grinning at me ready to wack me again! I would usually have told someone who did that to go fuck themselves but when I saw his face I couldn’t. Ha! He’s NICE. He’s got a round face like a hamster with its entire stash of winter nuts in it…..he’s quite small, well compared to 6ft 4 Lee…he’s about my height, and he had on this crazy yellow beanie hat and his blonde hair was sticking up from underneath it at crazy angles. He was standing there balancing on one leg, grinning insanely at me. I just started laughing and he gave me a tight hug that lasted a few seconds but left me with no breath in my lungs. I instantly really liked Lee’s best mate. ….soo I tripped him up and he went arse over tit onto the gravel driveway and lay there as if he was meant to be there, hands laced behind his head and legs crossed.

Lee had been talking to Lisa while this was happening and they both went ‘What the hell…’ at the same time when they heard the ‘falling’. Joel was laughing and Lee just reached behind him and grabbed my hand and pulled me in next to him. Us three in the dark staring at Joel on the floor……

So yeh, that was the start of it! We all went in and Joel suddenly got serious when introduced to Lee’s mum…Lee kept looking at me and melting me, Lisa kept looking at him adoringly and then at me and grinning. It was so cool. We all sat with Marie, lee’s mum, in the kitchen and the boys chatted away about the journey and how long it took. (Liars, I saw how fast that dude was driving!) and had a cuppa. I felt a bit awkward cos I know that Marie knows about me and Lee…she knows he creeps up my tree to spend nights with me. My M&D would throttle me and ground me FOREVER if they knew, and Lee was all like holding my hand on the kitchen table and leaning against me, so obviously glad to be with me, and his Mum wasn’t battering an eyelid. Why can’t I live with them?????

Then I felt awful for not going round to see Marie EVER, she’s been through the horrible divorce and loads of financial struggles..her and Lisa have been there all along and I’ve been a horse’s arse as usual. No, that’s an insult to horse’s arses.

She was really sweet to me as well, asking about college, Chester and my Aunt. She knows about my M&D cos she works at the surgery cleaning at hideous o’clock , I think 5am…..poor woman.

And when had Lisa changed? I am such a bitch not to even go by and say Hi. I know I shouldn’t judge people on appearances, that’s why Lee and me didn’t get together straight away and I drove him away…and I should have learned from that, but I like the new Lisa!

So then we all went to the living room and Marie went to bed. Joel went to the car and came back with loads of beers. Needless to say the rest of the evening was awesome……I sat with Lee, stuck to each like glue, not knowing where my limbs ended and his began, we were all pretty pissed and tried to watch some film, I think it was Dark Mirrors, but Joel just kept talking despite us all telling him to shut the sweet fuck up every time. Lisa and him seemed to hit it off bigstyle as well, which is cool.

I left at 3am cos we all fell asleep in the lounge and my neck got squished. Lee promised to see me today but thing is, Joel is still there and I’ve been at the surgery all morning…..I suspect that Joel is still there cos of Lisa, but I may be wrong. From what I saw last night…..hahaha.

Yeh, so I’m going to give him a call now. I spoke to him earlier and said I would get some college work done then go round there. I haven’t done any college work, but I am so going round there!

I think you can guess why I’m putting this song here: 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BORED!

I really can’t cope.

I mean, I should be happy, right? I said not so long ago that if only me and Lee were together I would be ok, fuck that he is 100s of miles away. So why can’t I go back to that innocent time?

It’s dull. I am sitting here on my (unmade) bed, laptop on my knees, looking out the window at the cold cold evening that has just drawn in and covered me in darkness.

Mum and Dad are not speaking to me. What’s new? Well, because we had a row about driving lessons and me working in the surgery at weekends.

I DON’T WANT TO!

I have got sooooooooo much college work to do, I still have to do all my own cooking, shopping and cleaning (pffff) and it’s HARD and dull. All I want to do is sit and skype with Lee and Dimitri, lay there reading a book while Lee works on his art work…or watch movies online together.

Look at my room. It’s MASSIVE. I actually did clear it up and it looks really spacious but it’s freaking me out. Too tidy. I cant see my stuff kicking around on the floor. It looks cold and unlived in.

The bathroom is getting more and more freaky by the way. While Lee was here most nights, I didn’t see or hear anything, but since he’s gone back, I hear weird low level humming and I SWEAR a voice humming and singing…I can almost make out words….it’s a girl. I know it. I want to know who she is and why her spirit is still lingering here, around me.

Yeh so the condition is if I want driving lessons I have to work at the fucking surgery with Dad on my back all morning. What the hell. Then because I have to caj a lift off mum to go to ASDAs foodfuckingshopping, that means that I will finish at 12:30 and go straight home, grab a sandwich and go straight out with mum. I have to tag along and wait for her to shop and she goes around like, EVERYWHERE, getting bargains when I finished shopping an hour before. Could be at home talking to Lee. But no. Lee works Saturday nights as well so I don’t get to skype his sexy ass until 1am. That leaves Sunday when I have to do COLLEGE WORK. When does this leave me a frickin life?????

NEVER. EVER.

I am miserable.

I know I keep going the fuck on about her, but AnnabitchBelle is PISSING me off as well. Now I find out that no only did she take over HIS room during the summer while he was here, but she slept IN HIS BED and she is WORKING with Lee in Rock Retro, the student bar. FUUUUCK!!!

I know he doesn’t have feelings for her beyond platonic, but it still winds me right the hell up. I HAVE to get to London during half term. End of. Feeling jealous is simply NOT an option any more.

So what I am doing to take my mind off all this shit?

Reading!

I have just finished the 2nd book in the BEAUTIFUL DEAD series. ARIZONA. Ghostly, weird and raw.

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This is the blurb about the first one, called JONAS:

”Not alive. Not dead. Somewhere in between lie the Beautiful Dead …Something strange is happening in Ellerton High. Phoenix is the fourth teenager to die within a year. His street fight stabbing follows the deaths of Jonas, Summer and Arizona in equally strange and sudden circumstances. Rumours of ghosts and strange happenings rip through the small community as it comes to terms with shock and loss. Darina, Phoenix’s grief-stricken girlfriend, is on the verge. She can’t escape her intense heartache, or the impossible apparitions of those that are meant to be dead. And all the while the sound of beating wings echo inside her head… And then one day Phoenix appears to Darina. Ecstatic to be reunited, he tells her about the Beautiful Dead. Souls in limbo, they have been chosen to return to the world to set right a wrong linked to their deaths and bring about justice. Beautiful, superhuman and powerful, they are marked by a ‘death mark’ – a small tattoo of angel’s wings. Phoenix tells her that the sound of invisible wings beating are the millions of souls in limbo, desperate to return to earth.  Darina’s mission is clear: she must help Jonas, Summer, Arizona, and impossibly, her beloved Phoenix, right the wrong linked to their deaths to set them free from limbo so that they can finally rest in peace. Will love conquer death? And if it does, can Darina set it free?”

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Here’s the Amazon Link:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Beautiful-Dead-Jonas-v-ebook/dp/B003HVTH4O

Then this one.

shot_1379961773859I found it tucked away on the very bottom shelf of a charity shop, all yellowing and smelly. And it’s fantastic! It’s by the woman who wrote ‘The Spiderwick Chronicles’ and it’s really dark.

”Do you believe in faeries? Not the soft, gentle kind, but the sinister, feral kind – the ones that wreak havoc on everything in their path…Sixteen-year-old Kaye is a modern nomad. Fierce and independent, she travels from city to city with her mother’s rock band, until an ominous attack forces them back to her childhood home. To the place where she used to see Faeries. They’re still there. But Kaye’s not a child anymore. This time she’s dragged into the thick of their dangerous, frightening world. A realm where black horses dwell beneath the sea, desperate to drown you…where the sinister Thistlewitch divines dark futures…and where beautiful faerie knights are driven to perform acts of brutal depravity for the love of their uncaring queens. Once there, Kaye finds herself an unwilling pawn in an ancient power struggle between two rival faerie kingdoms – a struggle that could end in her death…”
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Art wise I am so into these artists’ work right now……..

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HERAKUT!!

Ok, must click off and get this posted. Just seen Mr C sex man walk into his room, waving at me……

Lee went back to London yesterday.

I’ve literally just managed to drag my depressed ass out of bed. I don’t know why I thought I had to do it because now I can’t even be assed to do anything. It’s cloudy and I feel cold. I’m sitting cross legged on my messy bed wrapped in my duvet that I haven’t changed (cover-wise) for about a month. No kidding .

I didn’t sleep much last night. I had some bad ass dreams that made me wake up in a complete stress panic and at about 2:30 I decided not to go back to sleep so I fucking just went out for a long walk for like, FOREVER.

He left at about 10am. He was booked on a coach from town to London and got there at 3 in the afternoon and fucking bitch Annabelle was waiting for him at the coach station at Victoria. Like I really needed to know that? He texted me and then I didn’t hear from him at all last night so he basically left me here on my own for the first time in what? 2 months? FUCK.

I don’t even know how to write how I’m feeling. I don’t know WHAT to write. Thing is I don’t know WHAT to do about life at all right now. I can’t stand the thought of having to go back to 6th form on Monday and start the whole numb-skull process of getting through each fuck boring dull day again with the same shit. I know how it will go; Get up at 7, get ready, have breaky, catch the bus….have 3 classes of various crap, then go home and do homework, skype with Stella, Lee and Dim and stay up too late reading or watching movies, fall asleep….you get the black picture!

What can I do to stop the rot of 2013/2014 setting in? Apart from the half terms and holidays when I (hopefully) get to spend time with Lee.

It hasn’t been all romance and flowers in a meadow of passion!

We haven’t, or should I say I haven’t, got over that issue about me being almost pregnant. We spent a good week after that not really communicating. I felt like we weren’t suited on a non-romantic level..like we had just been surfing on a huge wave of lust for all this time and hadn’t noticed how little we have in common. I know we HAVE cos we spent the first gazillion years being best buddies, but when something like that hits you, it’s like, woahh and what the actual fuck do we do now!

Lee wants to get married in his twenties and have a family, at least 3 kids. I don’t. Hence the big hole in my heart. And when I say I don’t I really fucking MEAN I don’t. I want to travel, I want to go work and live abroad like my Aunt did, I want to be wild and free and a fucking liability in my 20s not some slipper wearing, bun of hair wearing, apron tied mother and housewife dying of boredom. I would defo become a drug addict or severely alcoholic. Lee or no Lee, I can’t do it. I had visions of us doing all the crazy shit together! Yes, MY crazy shit which I had never discussed with him because I ASSUMED we both shared that desire.

Fuck my fucking life.

stella thinks I should break up with him now. She reckons the longer we carry on the worse it’s gonna be when we break up like a few years time when he wants THE FAMILY. How the HELL can I? I love him to absolute distraction! He’s the other( better) half of me.

We haven’t talked about this because let’s face facts. I am 17 years old, yes nearly 18 but…wtf should I have to talk about THIS for????

I don’t know if it has ground into his brain as deep as it has in mine, but he seems a bit more distant, like we both suddenly grew older by 10 years. He is now 29 and I’m 27. Somehow I don’t think we’ll still know each other by then and THAT makes me want to lay down and die, quite frankly.

Stella’s like ‘There are so many other guys you could go out with and meet, and you’re off to Uni as well so imagine it there, all those sexy rocker boys.’

I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE.

Well, except perhaps Dimitris, but let’s not discuss that in this post.

Mum’s calling me.

Ok so I will try and muster up the energy to lift my fingers up and write some more later. I have a load of work to do that of course I forgot about during the holidays. I could have done it as well, Lee being at work every morning, but that’s me. Procrastinator supreme.

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Yes, so Lee came back!

In case you were all wondering where the heck I have been! Mostly with Lee, enjoying my days, chilling out, dodging my M&D (well Lee has been!) and just being in a generally good place. It has been so hot as well….I’ve got a beaut tan…advantage of having a big back garden with no immediate neighbours! Yeppers, topless sunbathing….hoorah!

There are loads of things going on in the background too.

Dimitri has started to get really possessive, even though he’s in Halkidiki for the summer…he won’t stop texting me and has been going to an internet cafe every day, sometimes three/four times a day, to get on Skype. But I am rarely inside. I am either outside ston kipo (in the garden- trying to practice my Greek) or in the woods/ fields/bedroom/surgery  with Lee..sorry filo mou but I just can’t get my head around your demands on me. He lead me to believe that he was dating loads of gomena and having fun but clearly he aint cos he texts me every evening and seems to be lonely. I do miss him but I’ve got Lee. What can I do?

Yes, Lee is working in Dad’s surgery in the mornings, that’s why I have had chance to gussy up and get my white transparent skin to see some UVs. I was honestly scary! With my pale blue hair, I really did look like a friggin ghoul. I love that look for winter but not for summer. Must be my Greekness coming out cos I tan really easily….

Lee keeps hassling me to come clean to M&D about us. I pointed out that if I tell them, they’ll be extra OTT on their guard at bed times…and so it’ll make his climbing up more risky. He told me to tell them we are sleeping together….PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF what the actual fuck does he think he’s on about? My Dad is adamant that I’m staying a virgin til my wedding night! It’s more fun this way I think , but for Lee it’s hard cos Dad has given him this part time job and he feels guilty for going behind his back. I get that but t would spoil everything. I know Lee wants it all out in the open and we keep talking about it with me ending up sulking (only because I know I haven’t got a leg to stand on…he’s right and I hate that he’s right!) and him going quiet on me. This is the only downer so far.

I’m off to make dinner…yes, Mum has been insisting I cook for myself. I quite enjoy it! I’m making quorn wraps..like chicken wraps with onion, tomato, peppers, garlic…but with quorn pieces instead. Lee loves them. He should be round soon. I will try and write more but if I don’t……HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!

DGBCatDolphin

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down and out cold

June 2, 2013

I can’t believe he has gone.

Again I feel lost, cold, empty and alone.

The only relief is to lay in my bed that still smells of him, pull the sheets over my head and breathe….breathe and make believe he’s here again. Relive every second I can remember.

My God, what is this misery…..

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I want to smoke again. I want to drink myself numb. Just once. (or maybe more) Just to get through this next few days.

Fuck I am so miserable 😦

Night 3

May 30, 2013

Hahaha.

Yes so again I lay in wait, waiting for my prince to shout from below my chambers, wanting to be let up into my lair………..(except he’d better not shout or Chester will wake up and so will Dad. Oh my God!)

As you can imagine, last night was amazing. I can’t describe how complete he makes me feel; how loved and how desired. I feel blessed. I have talked to a few other girls about their relationships and they say that they have fun in bed but it’s usually a fast and furious thing, over too soon. Passionate but short lived. Not mine. Lee seems to LOVE exploring and taking his time. That’s fine by me. I think if he just shagged me and turned over and went to sleep I would lay there and cry. I know I can be an insensitive bitch but Lee has really got me, in so many ways. he has melted my ice cold heart and warmed up my hostile and unaffectionate body!

I imagined that sex would be a nice physical thing, but has proved to be so much more. I have fallen more in love with Mr Chapman with every night I have spent engulfed by his soft yet strong arms. I asked him last night (laying there looking at each other, eyelids half down, tired out but not wanting to sleep), if I was special to him or if the other girls he’s been with have made him feel the same as I do. No. No way, he said. He has never felt so connected to another human being mentally and physically. Wow! I also asked him (I don’t know why I did but I had to know) whether he ever felt like sleeping with other girls in London. I mean he worked in a bar for fuck’s sake. A ROCK bar no less. His answer upset me slightly, but I DID ask! I expected him to go ‘no casey, my love, I only want you, I only think about YOU and no other girl ever occupies my mind.’ He didn’t though. He said that he sees a lot of beautiful girls in the bar and a lot of them are slightly, and sometimes very, pissed and they flirt with him. Some even stay there til closing so they can try and get him to go home with them! )Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!) And he enjoys the flirting but that’s all it ever is. AND~(as said almost word for word):

”I am in love with you and that, for me, means I can appreciate other beautiful girls and feel flattered when they chat me up, but I only want you. Most guys can separate sex and love, but I can’t,at least not anymore. I could when I was 15 or 16 but not now. I could never get the same satisfaction from a one night stand however sexy she was. Call me weird, but that’s how I feel. So there you are. ”

Speechless? Yep.

So he will be up the tree soon. Mum and Dad are still up but I know their routine down to the last movement. if they fucking knew what goes on up here! Good job there is a flight of stairs and thick Victorian floors separating their bedroom from mine. I still hold a pillow to my face (very very often!) so I don’t make any loud noise when Lee is doing delicious things to me. OH GOD I LOVE HIM!

Men-get-3hrs-of-orgasm-in-their-lifetime

I wonder what sex really feels like for guys? I feel a bit weird when I think about it. I mean, we talk about everything, despite my usual icy exterior and unwillingness to divulge emotional stuff, but I will NEVER know how he is feeling while we are doing the deed. THE DEED Hahahahah! I know it’s fucking good whatever it is, judging by the noises HE makes! What’s wrong with me, I can’t get enough of him. Am I a nimfo? If so, well I don’t give a monkey’s chuffer.

Oooo. Silence in the house. Time to send the sex text!

I might pluck up courage to ask him to describe what it feels like…………….

Has anyone reading this ever had that conversation????!!!!

Just found this. An interesting thread! I want to ask Lee so badly now. I’m interested in his analogies………… velvet slipper? Hahaha

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/elite-between-sheets/what-does-act-intercourse-feel-like-man-364640-3.html