And he’s here!

October 23, 2013

I have been waiting all week for this and FINALLY he has just texted. He’s about 10 minutes from here, in the car. The only downer is that his buddy Joel is bringing him in his car so he’ll have to stay over. Conclusion? No midnight rendezvous meet up climbfest up the tree! Boooooooohooooooo…………

How the fuck am I gonna cope, laying here when he’s two minutes away? ALL night? I haven’t seen him for 7 weeks or more….it feels like 7 years!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.

music will get me through…..a few dvds until I fall asleep…..I might make my Aunt sit up all night with me and ghost hunt to take my mind off it. We have caught some weird shit in my attic room and bathroom over the last few nights. I’ll post them if anyone’s interested in paranormal stuff then please comment.

We have been discussing the new novel by the title of SILENT ANGELS. I’m not going to disclose what that refers to, only that it’s the PLACE where the story unfolds!

oh MAN. Another text. He’s almost here. oh fuckety fuck. Do you know what? Fuck THIS I’m going to meet him and snog his face. Joel knows about us so he’ll have to excuse the vom.com while we crush each other to death in the driveway!

Laterz! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! :)))))))))))))

 

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Oh man.

Where to start?

Firstly. Why the silly amount of time without blogging? Laziness. Depression. Being uninspired.

I feel like I am nowhere at the moment, (yeh like what’s new, right?) and I don’t know who to trust or what’s real.

I started spiralling down into this pit of dispair about a week ago when I found out that Lee’s Dad has been offered quite a good job. Great you would say, and you would be right, except that it has a knock on effect on my relationship with Lee. It’s in Leeds which is about 40 miles from here so I guess the whole family will be selling up and moving there. This poses a number of problems as me and Lee are only supposed to be friends so on his trips back home from Uni his home will no longer be here, (5 minutes walk from me….easily reached night and day…my window easily accessible by climbing the tree…) but 40 miles from here. How is he going to visit me? Ok he WILL be able to, but I can’t see our parents allowing us to sleep in the same room….it won’t be the same! Fucking SHIT it sucks so bad. I have been skyping with my beloved a bit more lately, another reason I haven’t been blogging, as he has cut down his hours. He was getting ill and was telling me that he couldn’t do uni projects through feeling so shit bagged. I told my Dad because Lee didn’t want to worry his M&D. Dad had a serious word with his Mum and cos his Dad has been offered this job they said he could stop working in the bar altogether if he wanted. I hope he does cos then I will get to see his sexy ass during Uni hols. Cos frankly my friends, this situation SUCKS fucking eggs. the last time I saw him was Easter for about a milli second!

Dim invited me to Manchester last weekend. I really wanted to go but of course Dad said no. Mum was all ready to let me but Nazi man put his booted foot down and said NEIN! Fuck’s sake. I would have been able to stay next to his room with a girl called Tamara, we have even skyped a few times and she’s pretty awesome. She is doing a Fashion Degree. TBH though, from what she has told me (out of earshot of D) he wants to be more than friends. This I kinda gathered, but he also seemed cool with the fact that I’m with Lee so it has never been an issue. I told her that I found him hugely attractive and I defo would agree to being more than buds with him if I wasn’t so fucking IN DESPERATE LOVE with that Mr. Chapman!

It’s hard for me cos they are both so different and I love each of their differences. For example, Lee is the opposite of me in many ways like he is really patient and considerate of how other people feel. I, on the other hand, am not. I can’t wait for stuff I want and most of the time I don’t give a sonic shit about how other people feel. I am an only child, maybe that has some baring on it, I dunno. Lee is always telling me off for being self absorbed. I know I am and he helps me see that. Dim is funny, flirty, outgoing and a bit laddy sometimes, again the opposite of lee. He knows he’s fucking gorgeous and loves girly attention. Lee doesn’t know how divine his ass is and would never dream of outwardly flirting with anyone. Like with me, he wanted to be ‘friends’ first and then cos it had gone to the best friends zone, didn’t want to jeopardise it. Not D. He wouldn’t think twice if I said I would break up with Lee for him. I know it.

Lee is serious. He knows a lot about stuff like conspiracy theories and things happening in the world that are unjust…he is a really deep thinker and philosophises and analyses. D does to a certain extent but won’t enter into deep discussions. He laughs at me when I tell him about the ghost girl in my bathroom for example and keeps taking the piss out of the fact I won’t go to McDonalds or eat any meat. Lee is with me all the way on the meat thing and would not dream of going into McDonald’s unless to bomb it most probably!

D is helping me explore my roots which is a vital part of my life at the moment and he is my link with Thessaloniki. He makes me laugh until my sides crease and he is full of mischief. OTOH Lee is my rock. I can say anything to him and not get laughed at if I am being serious. He is the nurturer and the caring, beautiful soul that I wish I was. I am more like D in my attitude in that we find emotion hard to show. We would rather sit alone and play loud music until our heads explode than talk it over or write poetry like Lee does.

So they are my boys.

Plus D has been outrageously floozing with loads of girls since splitting up with Popi. I am too much of a jealous nutter to tolerate his ways methinks!

So I get to talk to Lee on Skype most evenings now. I ache for him! I usually get to talk with D on Skype every other day and he’s out most nights til stupid o’clock so I don’t get to talk to him after about 9pm.

College is ok. I am getting pretty good grades but it’s all a bit shitty really and I don’t hang out with anyone now. Kate found another friend and for some reason chooses to ignore me now. She has started to wear silly clothes from Topshop and her hair is all…normal. Ewwwgh. Stella is ok, I talk to her probs three times a week. She has got yet another new boyfriend so guess what? Yep. Negated Casey!

I have been reading a LOT lately. These are ones worth mentioning:

*The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Worth mentioning because there has been a lot of hype about it but I couldn’t really understand why. I enjoyed it and felt fucking sad at the end (no spoilers!) but the style didn’t appeal to me. It’s too short..I mean the sentences are short and abrupt and the dialogue confusing. Look at this:

‘They licked the spoons and tipped the bowls and drank the rich sweet syrup. They looked at each other.

One more.

I don’t want you to get sick.

I won’t get sick.’

Hmmf???? WTF? No. I can’t feel the characters in this writing style. There was no depth.

*The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery.

I loved everything about this book!!!!

First of all it’s set in Paris. I love Paris. It describes the (secret) life of a Concierge (like a caretaker) and the people who live in this one apartment block. The other main character is a very intelligent and observant 12 year old called Paloma Josse who hates her life and her upper class parents and plans to commit suicide on her 13th birthday! Chapters of the book are written as her diary that she begins with titles like

‘Profound thought No.1

Follow the stars

In the Goldfish bowl

An end’

The whole book is amazing because the Concierge reads philosophy and Paloma writes about it…and they become friends.

I can’t recommend it enough! Read a review here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/14/fiction3

What I am reading now…..*The Prisoner of Heaven by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Oh! I LOVE his books! I have already read The Shadow of the Wind and Angel’s Game and this is number 3 in the series. It’s gothic, it’s dark and it’s ghostly! All the books are set in Barcelona and have the same main characters. The plots are a little woven together as well which I love.

‘For Fermin Romero De Torres,

who came back from among the dead

and holds the key to the future.

13’

Read more about Carlos Ruiz Zafon here:

http://www.carlosruizzafon.co.uk/

Here is The Angel’s Game which I think is the best one:

http://www.carlosruizzafon.co.uk/theangelsgame.html

The next book I am going to read is *The Taker by Alma Katsu

The tag line is ‘An immortal love story’ so it’s either going to be a bag of shite or really great!

Here are some reviews, a mixed bag from what I can gather….

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7766064-the-taker#other_reviews

I will let you guys know on that one…but it does say ‘The Taker is a story of mystery, passion, unreturned tragic love, and the paranormal. It’s sort of adult dark tale with goth elements, paranormal romance and historical fiction.
This book is cleverly constructed and has a few stories within a story, it’s very well written – compelling characters, and intricately detailed.
The brilliant Alma Katsu is definitely an author to watch out for in the future!
If you are looking for a fantastic, brutal, heartbreaking and magical story, read THE TAKER.’

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Next up…oh actually no. I will stop rambling and post some charity shops finds and some good youtube viewings on my next post. Oh and some DVDs I have enjoyed lately. I have to talk to Lee sexy Lee now!

Laters……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how or why, but I have been nominated for above award by

http://primalnights.wordpress.com

and

http://hauntedteenager.wordpress.com/

To be really damn honest here, I don’t know WHO reads my blog…and it doesn’t matter THAT much cos it’s a place for me to rant at (oh so many) things that make me CRAZY and just about everyday crap that occurs. None of my friends know I write a blog so it’s kinda safe and I feel free! I’m pretty sure that’s the case for a whole bunch of other Bloggers here as well, but anyways THANKS to these guys, I really appreciate it!

So now I have to do what I have to do….

Here are the Little Rules.

1. Display the Award Certificate on your website.

2. Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented your award.

3. Present fifteen awards to deserving bloggers

4. Drop them a comment to tip them off after you have  linked them in the post.

5. Post seven interesting things about yourself

So here goes!

Here are my nominees (sorry not 15!) I am putting them in categories cos it kind of shows you facets of my personality and therefore you will understand a bit more about me… and also…you can select whichever you like to read based on my descriptions!

So.

General thoughts and diary style blogs

(some of which include rantings and stuff about relationships and similar issues that I blog about):

Avalanche of a Mindset  www.rhairyza.wordpress.com

I Speak Lyrics www.kec98.wordpress.com

Just another Teenage Blogger www.justanotherteenageblogger.wordpress.com

Life from the Queen of Hearts www.lifefromthequeenofhearts.wordpress.com

You are a Wallflower www.youareawallflower.wordpress.com

Primal Night’s www.primalnights.wordpress.com

Thank you all for making me realise I am not alone in feeling fucked up!

Ghosts/Horror & films/Dark Stories

Freaky Folk Tales www.freakyfolktales.wordpress.com

Graveology www.graveOlogy.com

My Life with Ghosts www.mylifewithghosts.com

Spider Goddess www.spidergoddess.wordpress.com (mystic subjects)

Animal Rights:

www.newsforanimalwelfare.com

Now for the bit that makes me cringe!

7 ‘Interesting’ (or not) things about myself:

  • I have got a birth mark on my left butt cheek in the shape (or design!) of a spider’s web and I love it..
  • I am half Greek. My Dad was born in Thessaloniki in the North. I am learning Greek!
  • When I was a toddler I fell into a well that my parents didn’t know existed and I was there for 12 hours. I wasn’t even hurt when they found me. Not a single scratch!
  • I have a ghost girl in my attic bathroom. I see her watching me sometimes.
  • I am an only child. I think that’s why I hate sharing stuff and I am anti~social!
  • I have got a dog called Chester. I love all animals and do NOT eat them or wear them.
  • One of my ambitions is to live on a self sufficient farm in the middle of a forest.

Thanks to everyone who follows me and reads my garbage! 🙂 34705_485251998184137_751667628_n

Animallib

Animallib (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Brain Fever, Heart Burn

February 17, 2013

Lee want to a party with Annabelle last night. WHY DOES THIS WIND ME THE FUCK UP SO MUCH?

We talked for about an hour before he went out and he texted me at about 2:30am to see if I was awake. I wasn’t, FOR ONCE, but  again at 4am he texted me and I was….so we talked. Good news! The girl, Eva, who works in a Gallery in London, told him at the party that she will be staying at the Halls anyway so she can do the rounds at night and in the morning for the whole week if needs  be. YAY! So now, Lee has to have a word with the Landlord and get them to talk on the phone and for him to agree that he trusts Eva. He is doing that AS WE SPEAK. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease let it be ok!

Then he has to persuade his M&D that he needs to come back and for either his Dad or Mum to get time off work to go down and get him…or for his parents to fork out for the train. That’s going to be the difficulty. I can’t see his parents being happy about sending him £125 for the train if it’s only to be here for a few days. More likely his Dad will go and get him. In that case he has to take a day off work…that might not be until Wednesday or Thursday. Then we have to think of project stuff to collect so we make the whole thing genuine. Although apparently Annabelle thought my idea was really good and said she might put it forward as a real branch of the Community Arts thing!

FF sake I am going mad here! Mum keeps asking me what’s wrong and of course I can’t tell her! Kate has gone to France with her M&D for the whole week and Stella is with her ‘Pooch’ as she calls him.

…………………………………………………. argh!

So what else has been going on. I did some research about Paranormal Investigating, but found out nothing I don’t already know. I want to get a dictaphone first to record any voices, or the correct name, EVPs, in my room. A few times lately, I have been awake during the night and heard that girl’s voice in my ear. ‘Mum, is that you?’ and then there has always been a shadow  near the door that moves across towards the bathroom. Weirdly, I usually have my earphones in as well, so how the heck?

Yeh, so this half term is all up in the air at the moment. My Dad asked me if I’d like to go to Greece, but it means him taking time off from the surgery when there’s a lot of lurgie going around. He has been really busy with house calls. Besides, if I went there for a week, which would be frickin awesome btw, I wouldn’t get to see my boy. End of! There seems to be a chance, so Thessaloniki can wait…

Apart from Coursework and seeing Lee, I have started to plan my new spring wardrobe of hand made stuff. I am making patterns for tops like these:

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They should be fairly easy. The first one is a normal top like a tshirt but with added lengths at the bottom. I have cut out around an existing tshirt and now I am attaching the long bits at the sides, gluing them like tabs so that I can just cut out 2 x sides as if it’s a complete piece.

The other one is just like a normal top again, but I am going to do some sketch ideas along the lines of owls, skeletons, butterflies etc and making card versions so I can lay them on the fabric and cut round them like a stencil.

It’s 3:55. Lee and me are skyping at 4 so I better wrap this up! Fingers crossed this works out else I’ll be as arsey as arse this half term………

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I can wait because I know he feels something for me

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I will enjoy myself, stop wallowing in my misery, make every moment count with him and smile. Before I know it he will be gone again

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amen

It’s sooooo cold.

Had a brilliant Saturday with Kate and Stella. Stella came down and met Kate for the first time so we had a blast. I thought it might be really awkward as they’ve never met, but they got on really well. I guess it’s my first reaction as I’m so crap at making friends. Just cos I can’t talk to strangers, it doesn’t mean other people are the same. As I have said loads of times before, I have to start giving people a chance. I am kick ass in so many ways, and I know I can be a right bitch, but with people I don’t know I’m just unrecognisable.

Anyway, we watched some films, namely one called ‘Apartment 143’ which I LOVED. It was another Paranormal investigation type film like Grave Encounters and The Asylum Tapes, but better. The girl in it was amazing. You didn’t see her that much cos she was the rebel who stayed in her room and kept telling her dad to f-off, a bit like me really, but she became possessed and we were all like, wooooaaah! Here are some pics:

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We also watched ‘Absentia’ which is a fricking cool arty film about missing people, having being taken by strange creatures, ‘underneath’.

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We were all sitting on my bed clutching my cushions. No one spoke for like, 2 hours, and then at the end, Stella just went. ‘Oh my fuck.’

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I really liked the girl’s style in it as well:

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Man, I love a good indie horror film!

Now to the rawness that is my whole existence. I spoke to Lee. I eventually stopped being such a dick and phoned him back. I realised that I had gone and done what I was threatening to do a while back..ignore him. I didn’t mean it to be malicious, but he thought I was being offish with me and sounded really upset about it. I thanked him for the roses and tried not to sound too mushy. He didn’t know what to say at first, and then he said he thought I was ignoring him because I hated the roses and ‘didn’t think it was appropriate’. I asked him what he meant by that, but he just said that maybe ‘our current situation wasn’t the right one for me to send you flowers, after all that’s what a boyfriend would do.’

WTF? Maybe he was trying to hint? I’ve asked Stell and Kate about it and they are like, ‘Just ASK HIM OUT’ but I CAN’T. I am so scared he’ll reject me and then we won’t talk for days and days, if EVER and I will hate myself for doing it and losing my best mate. I don’t feel for him as a best mate does, that’s the frickin deal. I love him to distraction. Stella reckons that there’s no winning for me so I might as well tell him how I feel. I mean I get it..when or if he gets a girlfriend, how am I going to continue talking to him every night, pretending to be happy for him? CAN I do that? No. I don’t think I can. Can I go out with anyone else? NO. Does best buds mean you should be able to tell them anything? YES. Would he reject me gently and go on as if I hadn’t made a total as of myself? Maybe. Oh god I just don’t know. 😦

Oh well. Best get down to my work. The only thing that takes my mind off him. Well for like, 5 minutes until I start the mind whirl of going over his words again and again and ending up plugging in my earphones and listening to my Lee playlist of heart wrenching tracks. Why is it so hard?

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Haunted

November 24, 2012

So I’ve been upstairs since this morning when mum had a massive go at me about my new pentagram. It’s soooo cold out there that I just managed to give Chester a walk through the woods before everything on my body froze. My eyelashes were even icing together when I blinked. I persuaded Dad to let me bring Chester up to my room and he said that was fine. After all it’s my stuff up here that he’ll wreck if anything, but he’s a good dog. I cleaned him up a bit and he’s been up here all day keeping me company. I might get away with him sleeping on my bed. 🙂

So anyway. Dogs are really sensitive to spirit activity. I may have mentioned that I have thought there’s a ghost in my bathroom? Well, there defo is something in there because Chester WON’T GO IN and he just keeps lifting his head every so often and looking towards the door. I might have to do some research about the house as I know it’s old, I can tell that. What happened here? Did someone die? It is the attic room, which stretches right across the top of the house, so who knows? I thought I saw someone in there a few days after we moved in, but lately it has been getting weirder. Halloween was the weirdest because it wasn’t in the bathroom it was in front of my door. It was a figure, maybe about my height. I don’t know why but I think it’s a girl. This is the first time I’ve had Chester up here (well, that’s a lie! I sneak him up a lot but only for a few minutes at a time or when M&D are out) and I wanted to see how he would react. My attic is really big, so he hasn’t had a chance to explore before. He hasn’t got a problem with the bed area, or my study area near the window, but beyond my art desk and towards the bathroom, he hesitated, stared for ages at the bathroom and turned away, jumping up on the bed and curling up. Bless!

Look at him! I just took this shot.

I swear he’s smiling!

I have told Lee about my ghost. He says that I need to ask myself if I feel threatened or afraid of her, or if my gut feeling tells me she won’t hurt me. He reckons that if the ghost is benevolent (I had to ask him what that meant, felt a right div) then I should maybe try and communicate with her. Maybe she needs help? I asked him, what if it’s out to harm me (by the way he said that would be a malevolent spirit! hahaha) and he said that I should then do a sage cleansing. I’ve heard of that before cos I watch Paranormal Investigation programmes really late at night. I might research it and see if there’s any kind of special ritual that I would need to do.

But, no, this ghostgirl isn’t giving me the creeps. I sense sadness. Poor thing. I keep watching out to see if she appears. I, kinda looking forward to it!

Hmmm. Lee. Oh God I miss him! He’s at a party tonight, one of his friend’s is 20 it’s a huge party at a student house in Camden. I feel sick thinking about it. He didn’t mention whether A (I can’t bring myself to type that name) is going to be there, and I just didn’t dare ask. My frickin imagination is left here to run wild again tonight. I can hear and see the rain pelting against my window. It’s always noisy up here in the attic cos it’s so high up. The wind howls around the disused blocked up chimneys and I can still hear it coming down almost to floor level cos my fireplaces are blocked by bricks. I asked Dad to unblock them but he said no cos once you’ve got an open chimney, especially up so high, there’ll always be shit coming in from outside and leaves and stuff. What a shame, it would be cool, like a rubbish dump for disused nature.

I feel sad. I’m used to being alone and as I said before, I LOVE my attic room (well, floor) it’s like a haven. I’ve got my metal frame bed that M&D got designed for me by one of her friends who’s a blacksmith. I’ve got purple walls with a huge mural I painted on the biggest window (almost to the floor bay window) facing wall so it gets sun on it. (It has faded it a bit I’ve noticed ) and then I’ve got my wardrobe and small dressing table…then looking down the attic room there’s my desk and college books on one side and my art desk on the other side…(that’s a total anarchistic, artistic, bohemian TIP of an area and I love it!) I’ve got a small bay window in front of my desk there and on that wall just TONS of images and scraps torn from magazines…you know just things I found that I love. Inspiration. Then further down my stereo and loads of CDs and stuff for my IPOD….magazines about music and piles of paper on the floor with lyrics scribbled on. Then the bathroom door to the right. It’s not a huge bathroom but it’s ace for me. I can just have a bath or shower when I want and don’t have to wait for Dad and get gased out after he does a huge stinker in there. Jesus dad. When we lived in the other house I almost retched every time. Appalling.

Oh and I’ve got blue fairy lights EVERYWHERE!

I’ll try and get a photo of my place and post it.

Here’s one of my haunted bathroom window 🙂

listening to:

Welcome to my world………

October 31, 2012

My name is Casey.

I am 17 years old and my life is somewhat disfigured. I need a place to vent. This journal, I hope, will be the perfect place. I also hope I find some kindred spirits out there in the cyber world, people who share my passions and views. Please comment on my posts and add me to your reading list.

I lived with my parents in a town called Rechford, somewhere in the midlands (That’s England, by the way) until recently. We moved in the summer and that was one traumatic deal right there. I live in the country now with my parents. I will tell that story some time, believe me, it’s well weird. I don’t want to go into it just yet. It’s still raw.

I am an only child and prefer it that way; although sometimes I dream about having an older brother to keep me on the straight and narrow…(MY straight and narrow, not society’s straight and narrow) to teach me the ways of the world and how to survive without imploding….without being consumed by fear of the dark. Fear of the unknown. Fear of living in shadows.

I sometimes feel that I am stepping into the afterlife, like everyone else around me is living and I am not. I am floating alongside them, eavesdropping on snippets of conversation, scoffing at their moronic pastimes and interests. I hate being different but I love it too, I wouldn’t change it for the world…whose world? Mine? Theirs? I don’t belong in either.

My parents don’t really get me, but since the move things have started to look up as far as our relationship. We don’t fight as much now at least. My Dad, Theo is a Doctor. I have to put that in cos his name is hilarious. THEODOROS!! He’s Greek, born in a place called Thessaloniki. He came to England to study and met my mum so he stayed. He’s got a weird accent that I love to impersonate, but apart from that you’d never guess he wasn’t English. This makes me half Greek, but to be honest it has never figured in my life much. Except my surname, Papadaki, which gets some sniggers sometimes.  He worked in Rechford in a practice that he opened with his brother, my Uncle Leo. Now he’s got his own surgery in the ‘village’ and he’s the only Doctor for quite a distance around. My Mum doesn’t work as such, but she spends a lot of time at the surgery so she must be helping him out with admin or something. I spend most of my time in my room listening to music, sketching or chatting to friends online or on the phone.

College is ok, but I hated most subjects at school so I have more bad days than good. I can’t stand sitting there I get restless and bored easily. I am not a rebel, I don’t talk back at the teachers or anything, I just sit there daydreaming or doodling in my sketchbook. Art is my favourite and I like my Art teacher, Ms Stevens. I think she gets me, but she doesn’t single me out as her pet or anything. I also love my English and Theatre Studies classes. My grades are excellent in these subjects and that’s cool. I want to pursue some kind of creative career but I don’t want to be a wage slave either. No way.

Stella is my best bud. She’s into the the same music as me and we love to hate fashion. Her mum is a Tailor so she has taught her how to make clothes. I started learning as well but didn’t have the patience so I just adapt existing clothes or find my stuff online. Going down the High Street to shop is my idea of hell……! She lives in Rechford so we don’t see each other much. She has been to stay over half term but had to go visit relatives so it was short and sweet. I miss her but we skype all the time.

My other friend is Lee. I say friend because I don’t really know what’s going on between us at the mo. He’s from here, in this village and we met in the summer when all that crazy shit happened to me. He’s at Art college in London. I thought I would actually die the day he left, but I know he really likes me, he tells me all the time. Thing is…well, I have kind of taken a step back from him lately. He didn’t come back over half term, the first chance he’s had to see me since he left. He’s been busy with some project. I get it but still…he emails me every day, and we talk every night so I’m not worried. He keeps mentioning some girl on his course though..Annabelle. It cuts me up inside to think about him and her but I have to be realistic I guess. On the other hand I can’t help hating her.

Enough of that for now. It kills me.

Kurt Kobain is my musical hero amongst others. I have quite a few. My passion is rock, punk  and grunge music, (and the clothes, hair, looks that go with it) but I also love ‘atmospheric indie’ as Stella calls it. You know, like Editors, Placebo and such. There are so many tracks on my ipod it’s crazy. I don’t know where I would be without my music and my sketchbooks. Lee can play some epic tunes on his guitar. My voice is a bit crap but we have fun singing.

Musical faves, just to pluck a few out the air: Paramore, Nirvana, Bush, Staind, Muse, Led Zep, Alice in Chains, 9 Inch Nails, Doors, God Machine, The Dirty Youth, Takida, System of a Down, Incubus, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins……….

I am seeing a guy called Phil at the moment, well, everyone calls him Pots. I don’t generally like many boys, they p*** me off with their macho attitude and moronic behaviour. Phil’s ok, although we don’t see each other at all out of school as he lives in Wheaton which is at least 10 miles away. Mum and Dad don’t know about him so I can’t ask them to give me lifts to see him. I can’t say he’s Stella’s brother or anything cos my Dad knows Stella’s Dad through work so he would know I was bulls******g. To be honest I can’t really be arsed with him most of the time. He plays football and a lot of video games which bore me. (***UPDATE I AM NO LONGER SEEING THAT DICK) I would rather be outside exploring the countryside like I did with Lee, listening to my music. I would love to find a Paranormal investigation group that explores haunted locations. Stella gets scared easily so she wouldn’t come. She’s a bit of a girl when it comes to dark stuff, but that’s ok. I like having my own weird interests. I miss Lee.

I saw a ghost once, although of course no one believes me. I was walking home from school and I turned into a darkened passageway. I don’t know why, something just pulled me into it. I was a bit scared, not of seeing something ghostly, more of weirdos hanging around there, but there was no one. As I was turning to walk ahead again I saw, from the corner of my eye, a dark shadow appear against the wall of the passageway. I looked and for a split second a figure emerged. It wasn’t in Victorian dress or anything that stereotypical, it looked like it was wearing jeans to be honest. I think it was a girl about my age as it had long hair. I was about to shout hey, when it just turned and walked into the passageway wall. I swear it was a girl. I have never forgotten it and I’ve even drawn it. I will post it on here at some point.

Meat is Murder.

I’d always wished for a dog but as we lived in a flat, it was unfair. Now I’ve got one! (One good thing about ‘the move’ ). His name is Chester and he’s a beige coloured Lab. I may not like humans much in general, but animals I love and respect. He’s sooooooo cute. He’s growing up way too fast though. He’s lost that puppy look but I LOVE HIM.

Anyway I am rambling! I have to call Stella and Lee then Skype with Pots, so I will leave this blog for tonight. It feels good to write without restriction and with the knowing that people will (hopefully) read what I say. Rant, rant, rant! Expect a lot of that!

Here’s Kurt:

xx~*C*~xx