This was the point of the conversation last night when I realised I’m a fucking lame person and don’t even deserve to have Lee as a boyfriend. I think we’re over.

I am sitting in the living room on my own. Anna has been in, Chloe and Joel but no Simon and no Lee. I don’t even know how this whole shabang-fuck started, only that one minute I thought my life was a mess but sortable and the next, literally within that space of time when I ate a snack and they came in, it was irretrievably shredded beyond recognition.

Simon must have told Lee we slept together.

Mr Truth has spoken. I mean we can all sit there and fucking go ”Honesty is the best policy…..we learn from our mistakes….” blarg blarg, but when it comes to it, do we REALLY tell the truth? NO! Except Simon does, obviously. What MOTIVE has he got for doing this? He told me after we’d indulged in our mutual lust that he felt better, he’d ‘got it out of his system’ and no one ever needed to find out. I was very ok with that, especially after being ragged on about Richard. Lee took that so well, but I doubted that shagging his best mate in OUR bed would have the same zen effect! I was so right.

So yesterday they (Lee & Si) walked into the kitchen where I was perched precariously on a bar stool, me in my pyjama bottoms with stupid red hearts all over them and rips in them..feeling battered enough, but Lee’s face looked like it had been hit with a lead shovel. his eyes were wide like he was in shock, (well he was I guess), and Simon skulked off upstairs, the fucking yellow coward. He pushed the bags of food onto the counter top and stood there with his back to me for ages, not speaking or moving. When Lee doesn’t speak, you know something catastrophic has happened. I asked what was up and he didn’t move, but I could tell he kept rubbing his hands on his eyes. I think he was crying.

He turned eventually and grabbed my hand, leading me too fast up the two flights. I needed my inhaler when I got to the bedroom and he just swiped his hand towards me as if to say hurry up and just inhale. I did, trying to drag it out. I wanted to get my thoughts together. Rows with Lee are never just structureless yell-fests, they are like university professors having a debate over a midnight brandy.

Then he asked it. “Have you slept with anyone else apart from Richard?”

I retaliated immediately, which was stupid cos it made it obvious I was on the defence.

“I didn’t sleep with Richard.”

I sounded like I was trying to gain points, I could feel my mouth smiling at him as if I had won. I knew it wasn’t a competition but I am childish and puerile. I haven’t learned a single fucking thing from being with him for two years. idiot.

He told me not to be so clever. That he was hurt beyond pain. A kiss and a grope was one thing, but sleeping together?

I decided there and then that I would just deny everything. My usual tack. My usual selfish approach to relationship issue solving. Bravo.

“No I haven’t, Lee. Why would I?”

He then LAUGHED.

“Ok, Casey.” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. I honestly thought this was all a joke and he’d go “GOT YA!” and attack my ribs with his guitar strumming fingers like he always did when he’d managed to verbally prank me. But he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. I was appalled when I noticed he was rocking slightly too. I wanted to run but my legs wouldn’t move. My feet felt like molten lead in the carpet.

“Look, I know you have. Please just let’s be honest about this or we can’t get past it, ever. For ONCE in our relationship, admit you fucked up! It’s not hard, I mean I already know. Just say it!”

He was really pissed.

I shook my head and adopted the best astonished and ‘how could you even think I’d do that to you’ face. As if I had the right to be offended.

“How do you know? Who told you?”

Childish Casey. What was the point of that? As if it mattered who told him. He was asking a question, he was begging for honesty and I couldn’t do it. It was because I didn’t want us to split up. I love him.

But it’s not going to keep him loving me either is it? Either way I lose. Might as well have just said it……..

“I didn’t Lee. I love you.

“Then why are you lying, AGAIN?”

“I’m not, I’m telling you Richard was a mistake! There was only ever him, now it’s over, I told you that! Please Lee!”

I was shouting louder than ten decibels of Lee. And I was the one in the wrong. I was being so transparent, I knew I was pushing our love over the edge of the suicide cliff, but I couldn’t stop.

Lee was staring at his converses. Silence pervaded. The room closed in on me.

“if you are lying to me, we are so over. Please think long and hard about this Casey. I love you so much. We have been through so much. Don’t let us go, please don’t.”

Silence again.

I could have just admitted it. He was more or less telling me that he might be able to forgive. A voice in my head was going, ‘Tell him about Simon, be strong, be brave, be like Simon. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.’ We had things to discuss, I wasn’t happy…this could be the pivotal point that projected us into a higher realm of contentment and closeness….and I wanted that, deep down I knew I loved Lee…the others were flings, lust versus love. Or did I really want to stay with Lee, domestic bliss, babies, marriage? Maybe Simon is the one? Excitement, new experiences, exploring boundaries of our dark sides, living in art…it made my heart sing. Had he told Lee because he wanted that with me? Had he begged Lee to let me go? Was he so sure that we were perfect together?

This thought was still swirling around my head and piercing my heart when Lee said it.

“So, I’ll ask you again…………”

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London, baby!

August 21, 2014

It’s been an age since I posted, mainly because I have been bombing it this summer, including spending every waking second I can with the scrum-bum Lee-face! And I got my A level results.

I’m in! I’m going to London to do my Art Foundation Course!

I wanted to write and let everyone (all 3 of you that read my blog hahaha) that I’m still alive, very very much so, and what’s going on. This weekend, well tomorrow specifically, I am going to the capital of AWESOME with Mum, Dad and Lee and we are going to check out the house, you know the one that Lee lives in (The Feral house as it has been named. I have an incline as to why and I can’t wait to find out more) because they’ve got a spare room. Ok, so we all know that I won’t be spending A SINGLE night sleeping in any spare box room, but M&D don’t know and if M&D knew? Well let’s just say, SHIT and FAN, and lots of it cascading off!

I know,I know. I’m 18 and shouldn’t let them control me, but what choice do I have? There’s no way until hell freezes over and I give birth to Brenden Urie’s love children, that they would pay rent for me to stay with Lee. I mean if they knew we were together. So I play them to get what I want. Lee’s still riding my ass to tell them, but I won’t. He’s freaking out cos he’s like, ‘Oh Case, they’re going to buy you a new bed and stuff, which you’ll never need, it’s a waste.’ Ok then, what would you prefer? Me living in some Halls miles away that they have to pay through the nose for? I mean this rent for the house is a pittance compared to any rent for Halls. It’s got 5 massive double rooms and this single room which they use for junk. They all pitch in and pay the rent monthly which is something like £1200. It’s a run down old Victorian so it’s cheaper than normal. That divided by 6 of us? Bargain. For London prices it’s ridiculous!

M&D are all stressing about it saying how can I live in a tiny box room when I’m used to the attic space I’ve got here. I just said that you know, London’s a huge city. I’d rather spend my first year there around familiar faces and plus the fact Dad’s got another 3 years after my Foundation to fork out for me. That seemed to sedate them, but we’re going tomorrow so they can check it out and Lee’s going to get rid of all the crap in there so Dad can measure up for my bed. Hahaha. It’s just going to be an extra space for me, maybe to do my art. Lee’s really tidy, so it’s better to avoid any screaming matches by having my messy space and letting him do his unmessy art in ‘our’ room. OUR FUCKING ROOM! How cool is this?????

I don’t know how I’m going to handle the Annabitch situation, but at least I’ll be able to keep my beady eye on her better from up close!

Mum’s stressing me to start packing what stuff I want to take, but I’m too excited…

Meanwhile, in normal life, I am still having driving lessons but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take my test before I leave. Bummer. Lee says that it’ll be a nightmare bringing a car to London anyway as there’s nowhere to park it outside the house and it’s a dodgy area so my insurance premium would go sky high. He reckons the tube is the best for students anyway. He gets to travel around for next to nowt with his student oyster card. Sorted!

So I just can’t wait to be a weird, freak of an Art student in LONDON! This is like a fucking dream come true! I wish I could take Chester but no pets allowed. Chloe’s got a cat in her room but the landlord doesn’t know. I think a barking dog would cause a stir. Plus there’s only a scraggy overgrown garden (that slopes upwards, how creepy) and Lee reckons it could have any chemical crap in it cos there’s old paint pots and shit littered around. I don’t want Chester getting his paws on that!

I’ll be back at Christmas anyway..

I hope I’ll find time to blog once I’m there. I will try. It’s going to be hella different from being here all on my tod every day and night! I have loved this blog, but I guess I have used it as a convenience for my lonely rantings. I don’t imagine I’ll be lonely any more!

Ok. lunchtime. Lee’s coming in a while and we’re going to start making a list of what I’ll need. OH MY DAYS! LONDON!

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spending time with LeeBee!

That’s what I am calling my dude now cos he got stung this afternoon! No, I shouldn’t laugh, but it was by far the fucking funniest thing I have ever seen…I will write about it when I can stop crying from laughing. Yes, he’s fine now, don’t worry!

He’s back with me as from this morning! It has been the classic scenario, he gets here and spends time with Mum and Lisa then comes to be my best mate in front of my M&D, (and gets stung by a tiny bee and freaks out like a girl hahahahahahaha!) then goes back home to eat and then back here in the evening to carry on pretending to be my best friend, then climbs the tree circa 1am……..well at least I hope to holy crap he does….later on.

We’ve already had ‘the convo’ about why I can’t just tell my Nazi parents. I’m 18, yes, I know that BeeBoy, (rotfl) but then they wouldn’t give us as much freedom. Think about it. Although, he did say, and I have to admit, I sat and considered this…I could stay at HIS house cos his Mum is cool about us. I mean he’s 20. She trusts him. Unlike my parental prison guards.

But then, mine would forbid me to stay there, so wtf…..and it’s only 5 minutes walk away so my dad would stroll along down and knock on the door. Then Lee’s Mum would be in shit and she works for Dad and needs the money, so then? No. Let’s keep it

SECRET!

just for a laugh:

(and in case you are wondering, yes, I am in fact mildy drunk as I write, at this precise moment in time)

except we don’t belong to anyone else!

Oh I’m laughing so hard right now I think I just dislocated a rib!

 

That was what this excuse for a human being fired at my face yesterday at college. I want to put it out there.

I sit around, especially during Theatre Studies, and just watch all the things that these dickweeds do and how they are all competing continuously. I don’t know. Is it the nature of the kind of people who want to study theatre that they HAVE to be attention seeking, drama stirring, air kissing, pretentious DOUCHE BAGS? For the sake of fuckery.

Well. On Friday afternoon, Kate was off so I was just sitting on the edge of the stage while Mr Somers was talking to us. I could see Gemma Matthews, Eliza Brown and Jo Flint whispering and looking in my direction so I just smiled at them sarcastically, as I normally do. Somers then said that he was putting us into groups to do some improv work and to my horror, I was put with Gemma (look at my hair, watch me swish it, it’s cascading down my back, look at me, look) Matthews and she high fived the other bimbettes and sauntered over to me, the hair swishing and her hips swaying. I pretended to look through her and then stood up. I said to start immediately, and walked to the back of the stage where it was quiet and sat down. She didn’t. She didn’t want to get her clothes dusty. She actually said that! When she had found a chair she sat there and sat cross legged with her hands on her knees like she was meditating, her face upwards and towards the audience, so fake…so fucking up her own crack-hole.

I started because she clearly was too busy mouthing things to her little minions who were dotted around the theatre having been put with different people to work with. Mr Somers was walking towards us, so I started. Our line was ‘Have you seen Mr. Green’s poodle?’

I said it and she was still trying to get either Eliza or Jo to understand what she was saying. Therefore and thus, the fuckward didn’t carry on with the prov. Mr Somers was standing there, clip board hugged to his chest, tapping his foot on the wood of the stage floor. I said. ‘Someone said they saw it this morning shitting in the middle of a croquet pitch.’

Somers laughed.

I carried on.

‘Are you really that much of a dick that you don’t realise I am speaking?’

Somers waited for a bit. I looked at her and someone must have pointed at Somers because her face fell and she mouthed fuuuuuck. She turned to Somers. He was fuming. She got a ranting in front of the whole class about her attitude. People were sniggering. I was out right laughing. She looked mortified. I think she’s close to being chucked off the course to be honest, but that’s not my fault!

Afterwards, I had worked with one of the guys and it was fine, but she pulled my hood as we were leaving the theatre. She literally pulled it to the other side of the corridor and towered over me, pointing her manicured silly pink and blue shitty finger nail towards my eye. Then she said THAT.

I said that, yes, I was in fact a bitch, but I had not ever contributed to her reputation of being a complete and utter container of brain muck. She had done that all by herself. She glared at me and then swished away down the corridor, her perfume aroma of Estee Lauder ‘silly cow’ wafting behind her.

I went home feeling quite pleased. The fucking idiot.

Meanwhile, in my attic room, I am missing Lee like a muverflupper, and looking forward to 6 weeks time when we get 2 weeks for Easter! I would LOVE to take him to Greece because Easter is amazing there. I don’t know though. I would have to stay with Yiayia and Papous in the garconiere, if it isn’t being rented out, but I doubt if they would let me stay in there with a BOY. Greek grandparents are strict like that….

So what have I been up to? Not a lot. Driving lessons are going good. I have 3 a week and the instructor has had to tell me to slow down every single lesson. Haha! I just love it.

Annabitch’s boyfriend broke her arm! Why does she stay with that c***t? Now Lee has got to run around after her. She’s telling everyone she fell down the stairs. It’s bullshit. Lee and Chloe are trying to get her to report him to the fuzz but she won’t and they can’t get it out of her why. I know why. She LIKES being a fucking victim and she likes having Lee running around after her like a puppy. FUCK OFF! She entered his room while we were Skyping the other night. Just walked right in there, no knocking. He had to go and iron something for her. Oh come on. Good job we weren’t doing anything private aint it? 😦

But yehh. me and Lee are sound. Dimitri is still flirting with me and getting through more girlfriends than I get through packets of Amber Leaf! I love that dude. I want to see him but I’m in two minds…I think I would find it hard to stop myself if he tried to kiss me or something. And that doesn’t dilute my feelings for Lee, as I’ve said before. They are like polar opposites and I love different aspects of both of them. Tough one!

Right, time to go heat up my spag bol leftovers. I’ve got a bottle of red and Lisa said she might come by and hang out. I don’t mind, but she talks all the time about Joel and it doesn’t sound like he’s THAT into her to be honest. Lee says that’s just Joel, he doesn’t show his feelings, preferring to make jokes instead of owning up to anything. Lisa is sensitive like her brother and she’s finding it hard as he’s out all the time partying and she doesn’t know where or who with. At least when Lee’s out he’s working and he texts me when he can. He tells me he loves me every day and I feel it. It’s not just words coming out his gob. Lee has tried to talk to Joel, but he did the thing he normally does which is make a joke. Oh well. We shall drink wine, I shall smoke out the window and we shall watch something spooktastic.

laters. 🙂

silenta angel graffitti 2

 

 

Hahaha!

I’m just in the process of getting my scrubby self gussed up. He arrived at about 4pm with Joel again and is, as I speak, spending some time with Mum and Lisa. He’s coming here after dinner and we are gonna stop in tonight, ALONE as M&D are off out. I don’t know if they realise that Lee isn’t coming with Lisa and Joel. Oh well, not my fault they didn’t ask. I think Joel is stopping in Lincolnshire for the whole half term so I hope we don’t have to hang out with them all the time! Sorry, but this is mine and Lee’s ‘space’, the woods and the graveyard. I doubt that Joel will be particularly bothered about exploring the local ‘tourist’ attractions, ha! He’s a definite city boy and is used to going clubbing and out all the time drinking. Welcome to ‘No man’s (or woman’s) land’, where the drinks are bought when you go into town and stored away behind wardrobes until the next time you can go into town and ASDAs and sneak some more in. I’ve got really good at it, doing it without Mum seeing.

I think I’ve got a bottle of Vodka and two bottles of red wine left. Thing is, if we MUST hang out with Joel and Lisa, at least Joel can drive us around and we might be able to persuade him to take us into town for a night out. I say yay to that!

Before I forget, I want to post the photos taken in London. If I don’t do it now, I’ll forget and then have others to post from this week, so here goes:

c and l - Copy

Selfie~ it shows Lee’s cute as pie freckles

case and lee

Me and Lee~ can’t wait for more of this!

casey and lisa

Me and Lisa more than half cut in The Crowbar

casey woods

We went for a walk on Sunday to try and clear our heads. I felt like ass

lee and lisa

Lee and Lisa. They are always doing stuff like this and goofing.

possible lee and casey change hair shade

Joel thinks he can play guitar but he really couldn’t. Lisa’s effort was better with one hand.

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Lisa and Joel as pissed as.

Oh my God! I had better go and get my dinner sorted. I think it’s gonna be spaghetti. I got some quorn mince and marinated it last night in my tomato and garlic spesh, so it should be scrum. I might feed Lee some later on and then he can eat ME for dessert. Oh my days. I fucking love his ass. I’ve dyed my hair again, it’s really purple! I hope he likes it. He was into the pastel bluey colour but that washed out really fast. Notice in the photos I just had normal hair colour. boooooooooooooooooooring!

I’m outta here!

Tomorrow! I get to squidge my Lee. I get to go in the car with him all the way to London huddled up on the back seat. Then we get to sleep in the same bed TWICE without having to set dumbass irritating alarms so he has to get up and avoid my parents. No. We will wake up when WE want to. May not even get out of bed on Saturday. Note to self REMEMBER TO SWITCH LAPTOP OFF BEFORE LEAVING TOMORROW NIGHT or else someone (mum!) will ‘accidently’ come into my room and see skype on which is directed at Lee’s bed. I will be in it. I will be crucified and hung. Lee will be banned from my house. I will not have the desire to exist anymore.

Good times!

I have packed my best stuff to wear and most of my toiletries are ready. Just got some stuff to do for Theatre Studies like a few sketches for a tutorial on Monday. This is my idea for a scene of a play that we are going to put on as a group. I am doing the scenes and the others; Trudy, Mark and Kishan are writing it.

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Also the conclusion to my Lit essay on  Maya Angelou’s Passing Time (which I love)

Your skin Like dawn

Mine like musk

One paints the beginning
of a certain end.

The other, the end of a
sure beginning

Anyways, why am I on about college? Jesus. I am SO looking forward to London. I have got about £70 for two days but I know Lee won’t want to drink that much and he won’t want me smoking in his room, so really I guess we’ll go to the Union bar and maybe the cinema. oh and takeout, which we never get at home cos no takeout place will deliver so far into the depths of frickin NOWHERE lol.

Oh man. I can’t believe it! I won’t want to come back will I?

I might have to slap Annabitch as well. It WAS her who switched off Skype. Lee is well fucked off with that cow. Apparently she apologised profusely to him and he asked her why but she couldn’t give a reason. I know though. Bitch tried to stop us from talking. Well, oh look you FUCKING mentalist, we are STILL talking and in love and going to spend the weekend together! You can keep your goth face OUT of Lee’s room and your face will remain away from my face unless you want it slapping more than once!!!!

Hahahahaha. Loser.

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So I got back home from college at about 4pm and as I always do, I grabbed a coffee from the kitchen and ran upstairs to get to talk with Lee on Skype before he goes to work at 5. But Skype was OFF.

As regular readers (if you exist) of my blog would know, we NEVER switch Skype off and we like to leave it on all the times, including when we sleep. Yes, it’s fucking lame in some people’s eyes, but to us it isn’t because we have to WAIT 6 weeks at a time to see each other in the flesh. Skype off? Fuck off, man. Something had to be very wrong.

I called Lee and he was just on the bus coming up to the stop near the house. I told him Skype was down and he laughed. I was like, NO the fucking thing is DOWN, and he said he would go investigate asap and call me if it was busted or something. 10 minutes later PING and it’s back and there he is, sitting at his desk. I was like, WTF? He said SOMEONE must have gone into his room and switched it off, but he couldn’t find anyone home. I know Chloe spends a lot of time in Lee’s room, but she doesn’t go in there without prior permission. Annabelle is not allowed in there. For this I don’t know, but I’m sure full of glee about it. They must have had words about something lately because for trusting Lee to forbid anyone in his room is unheard of. I think he has started locking it as well because I hear a lachy noise when I am sitting waiting for him and he comes in. None of them locked their doors before except Annabitch. She’s a fucked up mess.

I know it was her who switched Skype off. But why? What’s the damage, bitch? He’s just going to switch it back on you dumbskull.

Anyway we talked as usual and I asked him if it could have been Annabelle. He said possibly but he trusts her not to enter, they made a deal. Why? I ask. Because he gets tired of her invading his space and she follows him around the house. I KNEW IT! She SO wants him! I was a whole gigantic bunch of RIGHT when I suspected that. Fuck. She went in his room today and switched it off!

I then mentioned the fact that I think she’s in love with him and he was like, no case, she isn’t. WHAT? Men are so fucking naive! What the holy of holy fucks?!!!!

How can I prove that she went in his room? How? Help? Anyone?

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I have just found this. I am going to download it and record EVERYTHING. I will find out who is sabotaging our private time!

http://www.pamela.biz/en/

 

Yay! Another weekend in London is on the cards and Lee wants me to go with Lisa. I brought the subject up last night with M&D and they were silent at first. Mum was washing pots and Dad sat there in the kitchen. Mum just turned round, glanced at me blankly and then at dad and said ‘ What do you think?’

Dad looked at me and sighed. I asked what the problem was, innocently of course, and he said there was nothing wrong, just that it was a long way to go for two days. I explained that Lee and Joel would come and stay over Thursday night and we would go Friday after college. I told them that Lisa was going and that she would stay in Lee’s room and I would be in with Chloe, Lee’s friend. Dad was like, ‘I hope you won’t be drinking and smoking all weekend’ and Mum just cut in and said ‘This is Lee we are talking about, Theo.’

I CAN GO!!!! My wonderful, sexy, mature, boyfriend swung the deal! They think light rays shine out of his ass, which they actually DO and that he is trustworthy enough to look after me. Dad phoned Lee’s Mum and she confirmed that she was fine with it as Lee is ‘extremely responsible and protective of Lisa as he is of Casey.’ Ha!

I’M FUCKING GOING TO LONDON!! Lee is totally made up and his cheeky, grinning face on Skype has just FLAWED me!

Too excited to fruckin write anymore. Plus I’ve got to get tons of college work done before Thursday…….cos the weekend is gonna be ONE BIG FAT MUTHAFUKING PARTY.

Well, more like me and Lee hibernating for two days in his room.  *SMILE*

2014 so far….

January 12, 2014

I haven’t blogged since before New Year, in fact I haven’t blogged THIS year at all. Sounds so bad.

I left all my college work til last minute and when Lee left last weekend I had to get it all done. In one day. Feeling SHITBALLS about life as I usually do after he has gone. I went back to college for one day and then started (well, continued) to feel like shit and dad said I had a virus. Then I started chucking chunks. It was vile. I have been off this whole week, just curled up in bed between hurling into a bowl on the floor and visiting the loo. Just fucking hideous.

There’s not really much to write about, well nothing exciting at least. I had a perfect time with Lee. He came back from his Dad’s the day after boxing day and wasn’t in a great mood, but that’s understandable. He spent some time with his mum after that but kept coming back at night. I had my period (yeh, thanks for that. GREAT TIMING) so it was no sex but he still wanted to sleep in the same bad as me and cuddle up. Result. Stella’s boyfriend doesn’t stay with her when she’s on so I feel blessed that lee sees me as more than a shag at night. I just LOVE waking up all tangled with him. He’s got really hairy legs and it feels weird but I have got used to it hahaha.

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We had another blue about me not wanting to tell my parents. I think I mentioned that my Nan somehow found out that Lee was in my room? She left me a note in one of my jacket pockets saying that she knew about ‘the boy’ and that she wouldn’t tell M&D but that I should be really careful. We’ve already been through the pregnancy scare once so we are both more aware of that possibility. I told him that it’s not long before I (hopefully) get accepted on the foundation course in London so we can be together. I just HAVE to get into Uni in London. What if I don’t? It’s not worth thinking about. My first choice is St Martin’s, not because lee is there, but it’s the best one in my opinion. My second and third choices are Chelsea and Kingston. I have applied already and I have to get at least a B in each of my A level subjects to get into St Martins. This is why I am freaking out most of the time and spend all my time working! I managed to persuade Dad to let me go to London to do my Art Foundation because there are NO foundations courses close by around here and because I have done A levels, that’s the next step before my Degree. Lee did it differently, I think he did BTEC so he could go straight to London and start his Degree.

I just can’t wait to get away from here, even though I love it for the serenity, lack of humans and woods and nature. I need to meet cool people, be with Lee, stop all this insane jealousy about Annabelle, and be in a place that inspires me and lets me be Casey.

I listened a lot to Lee playing guitar this holiday. I really want to learn but when he tried to teach me I screamed like a dick cos it really hurt my fingers! Here’s a GIF I made of him playing. I did it on Photoshop.

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So tomorrow it’s back to the grindstone and the rat race. Fuck it. The one positive is that I’ll be starting driving lessons on Tuesday evening and the sooner I get my licence, the sooner I get a car and the sooner I’ll be able to motor on down to London whenever I feel the fuck like it. I would set off at about 11pm, drive for about 3 hours cos there wouldn’t be anyone on the motorways at that time really, and get to London at about 2am….spend a divine few hours in bed with Lee and then drive home by about 8am and get ready for college. Then die at about 2pm that day from being trashed! So what, Fuck it.

QadITiR

Oh forgot to tell youz. One of the prezzies Lee gave ‘us’ for Christmas was this cute pillowcase set. He has taken one with him though so we are both sleeping on them.

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So ….dinner time for me now. Uggh I still feel a bit queazy. Oh well. I can’t stand the thought of anymore fucking soup. Vomtastic. I wish I could drink copious amounts of wine to get me through to February half term. So fucking LONG. Amber Leaf, red wine and Chester.

th (1) th keep-calm-and-drink-wine

hair casey pink

~C~

Happy New Year. Maybe.

December 27, 2013

Yeh so Lee is at his Dad’s with Lisa. Until tomorrow night. Yay!

Oh my GOD every time I see this dude he gets sexier, I swear! He just looks and smells so amazing to me, I can’t understand how other girls refrain from throwing themselves at him and raping him!

So I said he was turning up at about 10pm but it went a bit tits up because he got here at 9pm and Mum let him up to my room without shouting up that he was here. He caught me having a sneaky fag out the bathroom window! He wasn’t happy about it and said I reeked of it, but I shut him up by snogging his gorgeous face off. He said he had to go back home and see his Mum and Lisa and I was like, ok sexy but when are you coming back to ravish me? Ha!

He did come back. We spent an amazing night together, neither of us slept and M&D were all about the quezzies next day cos I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Oh yeh, they have lifted the ban on me having fun just until Lee goes back. Thank God. I told him about it anyways and he wasn’t happy about my smoking but said he doesn’t own me and therefore can’t tell me to stop. I explained that I don’t smoke much and he seemed ok about it. Just concerned about my health which is fair enough. Even if he had told me to stop I wouldn’t have done cos I am so fucking bloody minded.

Christmas Eve I went to Lee and Lisa’s and we watched some TV and a couple films. Joel stayed until about 10pm and then had to go, he wanted to drive back in the night, back to Surrey, and spend Christmas with his family. Lisa was gutted. I felt for her. I went back home and spent some time with Gramps and Nan before they went off to bed. Then of course waited for Lee to climb the tree at midnight and ……..*£(&^$%^^&&!!!!!

Christmas day was better than what I thought it would be. I got up pretty late, around 11am and Mum was freaking out because she thought I hadn’t made my Christmas dinner veggie style. But I had, it just needed microwaving!

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Jamie Oliver’s Vegetarian Cannelloni

Get the recipe here:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/christmas-honeycomb-cannelloni

I got dressed up in a long silky jade green skirt, a black loose weave jumper with stars in a kind of glittery thread, purple tights and my docs. I have left my hair a pale shade of blue and it looks like it’s got purply lilac in it cos my Aunt put some semi permanent streaks in it the other week! I should have taken a selfie but tbh 1. I’m not that vain and 2. No one wants to see my ugly mug splayed across the internet!

Then I went to get Chester in and put his Christmas collar on him, then called Lee to say hi and Dimitri in Greece. I went downstairs and sat with the oldies while M&D were in the kitchen preparing dinner and Nanna goes ”So, Casey, who is the tall, dark and handsome boy I saw running across the yard early this morning?”

I died. Shrivelled up and almost blacked out.

I sat there and felt like I wanted to die. Then I burst out laughing. You know when you are so shocked, like when someone tells you some really bad news and you laugh cos you don’t know what else to do? Yep. And I couldn’t stop. On and on. I was snorting and snotting everywhere. Dad poked his head round the door and asked me what the heck was going on….I had to leave the room. I stayed in the downstairs loo for about 15 minutes and Mum came and asked me if I was ok and that she wanted a wee. I came out and walked back in. Nanna was asleep! Pops winked at me and whispered ‘It’s alright, love, your nan can keep a secret!’

Jesus.

So then I opened presents. I got a new sewing machine from Pops and Nanna, which I have wanted for EVER, 18 driving lessons from M&D and guess what was attached to the voucher? A certificate, like a promise from Dad that when I pass my driving test, he will BUY ME A CAR!!!!!

Yes, you read it right. BUY ME A FUCKING CAR!

Then Dad gave me my present from Yiayia and Papous in Thessaloniki. Two envelopes. The first one had a letter inside from Olympic Airways saying that I had two return flights to Thessaloniki this summer and I could phone them up and arrange the dates when I was ready. TWO!!!! Second envelope. I opened it and there was a booklet in there about Greek Language courses in Thessaloniki. Yiayia had put a note inside saying that I could research this online and let her know which one I wanted to do and she would go ahead and book it and pay for it! I went online and found it:

http://www.ikariancentre.com/lang/en/greek_language_courses_thessaloniki

OH MY DAYS!

AND LEE CAN GO WITH ME!

We can stay in Yiayia and Papou’s garconier!

Well stoked!

Oh man. My Mum is calling me down to eat. I’ll try and post again soon but Lee is back so….hibernation mode 😉