“Although they were only a few meters away from me, the world seemed to close in on them and a dark tunnel vision enveloped me, preventing me from hearing their conversation clearly in the smog of the time shift. There was laughter and then footsteps as they obliviously walked out of my life again. I was left there in purgatory alone and confused. She must have felt me, I was sure of it. That was my only grain of comfort as the guardian angel of my lonely world took me in her scratchy winged embrace. I screamed Casey’s name, but I knew it was only in my head. I turned to the mirror and saw the unspeakable truth of my facial deformities in their miserable glory. Instead of allowing my fingers to find the fragile skin of my eyelids and rip and tear, I aimed my fist at my reflection in the mirror and hit out. There was a dull thud as my knuckles made contact with the glass and then a sharp popping noise as the glass splintered. Despite the burning pain in my fingers and wrist, my reflection made me smile. My punishment for my ugliness satiated me.” ~Excerpt from Alicia’s Story.
The Silent Angels- Chapter 8
© Serena Grey and The Silent Angels 2015.

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BORED!

I really can’t cope.

I mean, I should be happy, right? I said not so long ago that if only me and Lee were together I would be ok, fuck that he is 100s of miles away. So why can’t I go back to that innocent time?

It’s dull. I am sitting here on my (unmade) bed, laptop on my knees, looking out the window at the cold cold evening that has just drawn in and covered me in darkness.

Mum and Dad are not speaking to me. What’s new? Well, because we had a row about driving lessons and me working in the surgery at weekends.

I DON’T WANT TO!

I have got sooooooooo much college work to do, I still have to do all my own cooking, shopping and cleaning (pffff) and it’s HARD and dull. All I want to do is sit and skype with Lee and Dimitri, lay there reading a book while Lee works on his art work…or watch movies online together.

Look at my room. It’s MASSIVE. I actually did clear it up and it looks really spacious but it’s freaking me out. Too tidy. I cant see my stuff kicking around on the floor. It looks cold and unlived in.

The bathroom is getting more and more freaky by the way. While Lee was here most nights, I didn’t see or hear anything, but since he’s gone back, I hear weird low level humming and I SWEAR a voice humming and singing…I can almost make out words….it’s a girl. I know it. I want to know who she is and why her spirit is still lingering here, around me.

Yeh so the condition is if I want driving lessons I have to work at the fucking surgery with Dad on my back all morning. What the hell. Then because I have to caj a lift off mum to go to ASDAs foodfuckingshopping, that means that I will finish at 12:30 and go straight home, grab a sandwich and go straight out with mum. I have to tag along and wait for her to shop and she goes around like, EVERYWHERE, getting bargains when I finished shopping an hour before. Could be at home talking to Lee. But no. Lee works Saturday nights as well so I don’t get to skype his sexy ass until 1am. That leaves Sunday when I have to do COLLEGE WORK. When does this leave me a frickin life?????

NEVER. EVER.

I am miserable.

I know I keep going the fuck on about her, but AnnabitchBelle is PISSING me off as well. Now I find out that no only did she take over HIS room during the summer while he was here, but she slept IN HIS BED and she is WORKING with Lee in Rock Retro, the student bar. FUUUUCK!!!

I know he doesn’t have feelings for her beyond platonic, but it still winds me right the hell up. I HAVE to get to London during half term. End of. Feeling jealous is simply NOT an option any more.

So what I am doing to take my mind off all this shit?

Reading!

I have just finished the 2nd book in the BEAUTIFUL DEAD series. ARIZONA. Ghostly, weird and raw.

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This is the blurb about the first one, called JONAS:

”Not alive. Not dead. Somewhere in between lie the Beautiful Dead …Something strange is happening in Ellerton High. Phoenix is the fourth teenager to die within a year. His street fight stabbing follows the deaths of Jonas, Summer and Arizona in equally strange and sudden circumstances. Rumours of ghosts and strange happenings rip through the small community as it comes to terms with shock and loss. Darina, Phoenix’s grief-stricken girlfriend, is on the verge. She can’t escape her intense heartache, or the impossible apparitions of those that are meant to be dead. And all the while the sound of beating wings echo inside her head… And then one day Phoenix appears to Darina. Ecstatic to be reunited, he tells her about the Beautiful Dead. Souls in limbo, they have been chosen to return to the world to set right a wrong linked to their deaths and bring about justice. Beautiful, superhuman and powerful, they are marked by a ‘death mark’ – a small tattoo of angel’s wings. Phoenix tells her that the sound of invisible wings beating are the millions of souls in limbo, desperate to return to earth.  Darina’s mission is clear: she must help Jonas, Summer, Arizona, and impossibly, her beloved Phoenix, right the wrong linked to their deaths to set them free from limbo so that they can finally rest in peace. Will love conquer death? And if it does, can Darina set it free?”

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Here’s the Amazon Link:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Beautiful-Dead-Jonas-v-ebook/dp/B003HVTH4O

Then this one.

shot_1379961773859I found it tucked away on the very bottom shelf of a charity shop, all yellowing and smelly. And it’s fantastic! It’s by the woman who wrote ‘The Spiderwick Chronicles’ and it’s really dark.

”Do you believe in faeries? Not the soft, gentle kind, but the sinister, feral kind – the ones that wreak havoc on everything in their path…Sixteen-year-old Kaye is a modern nomad. Fierce and independent, she travels from city to city with her mother’s rock band, until an ominous attack forces them back to her childhood home. To the place where she used to see Faeries. They’re still there. But Kaye’s not a child anymore. This time she’s dragged into the thick of their dangerous, frightening world. A realm where black horses dwell beneath the sea, desperate to drown you…where the sinister Thistlewitch divines dark futures…and where beautiful faerie knights are driven to perform acts of brutal depravity for the love of their uncaring queens. Once there, Kaye finds herself an unwilling pawn in an ancient power struggle between two rival faerie kingdoms – a struggle that could end in her death…”
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Art wise I am so into these artists’ work right now……..

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HERAKUT!!

Ok, must click off and get this posted. Just seen Mr C sex man walk into his room, waving at me……

I have just spoken to Lee (again) and I think it’s all on for THURSDAY through til SUNDAY!

Thank Godz for Eva and (I hate to say it) Annabelle. Lee has spent most of today planning the ‘rural’ element of the project so that when he arrives we can get to work and go off with the cameras and sketchbooks. His Dad apparently is a little bit suspicious and doesn’t entirely believe what’s going on, Lee not liking having to lie to his M&D, has made sure that the stuff he needs to collect as research will really be used when he gets back.

OH YAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy Happy Happy Casey!

So Lee says his Dad will arrive at his Halls to get him on Wednesday evening and he wants to drive in the night as the roads will be clearer. So he will be here when I wake up on Thursday morning. I’m hoping for decent weather so that we can be out all day, cos it’s not like we’ll be able to sit around watching DVDs and pretending to be friends when Mum walks in the room! He’s here for work so we’ll have to do it. We’ll be together and being creative, so that’s all I give a shit about.

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Oh, Annabelle was hinting that she should come and stay again! Cheeky cow. Lee said no, thank fk, cos I would have been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed out! I’ll never forget the look on her face, so smug, as her and Lee drove off in his Dad’s car after New Years. Fucking bitch was smiling and trying to hang on to Lee’s arm. What the sweet fuckery is her problem anyway? I tried to be the one who was nice, despite wanting to punch her pierced lips in. No wonder she was so keen for him to come here…I bet she wanted to rub the fact that she sleeps next door to him every night in my face! Yes, her room is next to his. Oh the joy….either that or she wants to keep her eye on him while he’s here…well guess what, girlfriend? He’s MY boyfriend!

So tomorrow I’ve got some college work to finish. Research for my textiles project. What I might do is change my original outline for this and base it on something to do with Nature or the woodlands instead. I know it’s a cliche but Lee will be able to suggest a slightly more unusual slant to it….I want something a bit better than fucking LEAVES as the base design.

Still got some pretty dull reading to do, Chaucer………..YAAAAAAAAAWN. I am like this when I read it

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sploooooooooooch. Death by Chaucer.

So I’m going to get my shit together now. Sort out my hair (blue with purple ends!) and get my tip of a bedroom sorted out cos all my clothes are strewn everywhere. Yes, Casey needs to do some washing……….

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**~C~**

Looks great!

Parallel Universes

February 10, 2013

Parallel Worlds (Univers parallèles)

Parallel Worlds (Univers parallèles) (Photo credit: Gilderic Photography)

I was talking to my Aunt last night and she was telling me about her thoughts for a new novel about me. (Heehee!) I won’t go into that now, but we got to talking about her first novelette ‘Abandoned’ which if you have read my page about it, you will know is about me as well. (If you haven’t please read about it here: https://caseyepapadaki.wordpress.com/abandoned-a-haunting-ghostly-tale-about-me/) Anyways, we were discussing the theme of the next book and she mentioned that Abandoned had the theme of Parallel Universes as its main idea. This was based on my ghostly experience during the summer with the derelict house I found in the woods. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it, mainly cos I don’t understand it myself, so if you guys want to know the ‘fictional’ version of events, please read the book! It is true to what happened to me but obviously my Aunt added stuff to make a more interesting story. The stuff with Lee was based on facts as well. I was a dick to him because I judged him.

I digress once again!

So I have been watching youtube documentaries about parallel universes. This one here is the one I am watching now. It has got me to thinking about loads of stuff, mainly that my derelict house experience could have been my contact with a parallel universe. If we go on to think about Doppelgangers and stuff (twins of yourself) it gets creepy. Like, this ghost that I keep seeing in my room. She looks like me. From what I can gather she dresses like me. WTF? I have always been able to talk to my Aunt about this stuff and she has said she wants to base the next book on my encounters with this ghost girl. She wants me to start doing some kind of investigations, like for example leaving a dictaphone on in my room when I’m not there or at night. I really want to do this although it’s a bit scary. I will research some stuff about it today and see what equipment and advice I can find. I have watched tons of paranormal investigation programmes so I have some idea.

This will be interesting!

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Depressed…or just bored?

February 3, 2013

Ok so my last few posts have been morbid. I don’t want this one to be the same~ moaning, missing Lee, bored with life. The thing is I want to write amazing, interesting blogs, but when I get to the weekend and look back on the week I realise there’s nothing interesting to write! 

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I know I’m not a normal teenager. Last night, Saturday night, what did I do? I took Chester for a very long walk in the woods, got very wet, came back, washed him down, went upstairs, sat on my bed for ages staring outside at the tree tops listening to Veronica Falls, watched a documentary on YouTube about parallel universes, texted Lee (many many times), went downstairs and stole a glass of wine from the kitchen (M&D had dinner guests) watched some more stuff about Paranormal Investigations, watched American Horror Story (must blog about that at some point. Violet is ME. Her dad’s a Doctor, she’s an only child, grungy, moody, likes Morrissey, hangs out with ghosts in an old mansion house…) and then waited to skype Lee. Then remembered it was Saturday night and we don’t skype on Saturday night. Why? Well because he goes out with his art student buddies…..’nuff fucking said about that…another reason I hate Saturday nights…

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Violet

Called him. He didn’t answer.

Waited for the attic room to consume me in my jealousy and longing.

It didn’t. Unfortunately.

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I tried to write something here but I couldn’t even manage one single line.

I tried to write a list of things I love to cheer myself up. Here’s what I came up with:

  • Chester and our walks in the woods.
  • Skyping (with Lee and Stella)
  • Reading strange books. Eg Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Stephen King…
  • Watching documentaries about ghosts, parallel universes (a new interest of mine), social issues, asylums, criminals etc
  • Drawing and painting (subjects including above themes)
  • Listening to music. (Band names too many to mention)
  • Surfing the web to find ideas for clothes/outfits and upcycling
  • Going to charity shops and buying things…ie clothes that are made from amazing fabric to cut up for upcycling. (If I find a style that I like, for eg a blouse, I cut it up carefully along the seams and lay it out as pieces. Then I make patterns in the fabric I want that match exactly then sew them all together to make a new blouse. Get it? I might have to post a demo to show everyone.)

Things I want to do: (Not including all the ‘things’ I want to do with Lee!)

  • learn Greek. I am half Greek and my dad says he will teach me.
  • Go to Salonika. That’s where Dad is from and my grandparents that I don’t know live there. I will be able to talk to them if I learn Greek. (Kalimera is good morning. I remember cos my mum said ‘Kalamari’ instead which is squid!)
  • Have a bunch of 3 or 4 really good friends that come round and sit in my attic room, drinking wine and talking.
  • Join an URBEX group. (Urban Exploration~exploring abandoned buildings)
  • Do proper Paranormal Investigations (starting in my bathroom hahaha!)
  • Have the inspiration to paint more.
  • Learn to play violin (M&D have already said hell no!)

Ok so now I need to figure out how to inject some enthusiasm into my Sunday.

 

 

By the way, I am referring to the ‘Christian’ version of Christmas. In fact, I believe what it discussed on the Zeitgeist movie; 21st December is the day when the sun is reborn and thus a new year begins. NOT the son of God. The actual SUN that is in our sky and gives life…and without it we would die. THAT one. So in fact, according to my own beliefs, 5 days to go. But anyways….

Urrgh. I feel like shit. Fuzzy head, sore throat, aching limbs. Frickin hideous. I keep thinking, not long to go til I get to see Lee again!

Thing is:

a). Annabelle is probably coming. Ruination! Will she try and drag her visit out? Has she got ulterior motives? Does she want Lee? (Who the hell wouldn’t??!!!)

b). My Grandparents are coming. My mum’s parents, not my Dad’s. I wish my Dad’s parents were coming I have only met them once cos they live in Salonika, Greece. My mum and dad have been quite a few times, but the problem is that mum can’t speak Greek and they can’t speak English! Apparently dad tried to teach mum some phrases, but she fricked it up when she tried to say ‘good morning’ to them she said ‘kalamari’ which is squid! Hahahahahahah!!! She should have said ‘Kalimera’ I am getting to be quite curious about my foreign roots! My Dad gave me a book called The Thread by Victoria Heslop. It’s pretty good. He says it will tell me a bit about where he comes from. I have read like, two pages, my brain is mashed, remember!? :(. Anyhow the point is, I will be expected to hang out at home while they are here. RUINATION. I hope it’s not for too long. Make it when Annabelle is here? That would be tooooooo good to be true though. Errr no! I don’t want her flirting and swishing her blue dreadlocks around while I’m not there. Yes, but she’s always with Lee in London. COME ON CASEY GET A GRIP!

c). I get all happy and dizzy when he comes (Sunday- a week today!) but when he leaves I cry for days and just want to get in bed and pull the duvet over my head and ignore the world. Which usually is what ends up happening.

Anyways. Mum has just brought me some garlic bread. I would usually have devoured it before she had a chance to put it on my plate, but right now, I’m like, blurghhh. Look here it is……oh crap.