How do I feel? How am I supposed to feel…….

October 20, 2013

My Aunt is here at the moment. It’s half term and that means I have a whole week of getting up late and lazing around. Except that I can’t because I’ve got an EXTORTIONATE amount of college work to do as well as fulfilling my ‘promise’ to Dad of working at the surgery in the mornings. Beginning bastard tomorrow. Goodbye lye ins……:(

So back to stuff. My Aunt is here, the cool one who I share my blog with. I don’t know why we still share it but it’s fine. Yeh I have been hanging out with her since Friday and we’ve been talking about a bunch of stuff including Mum and Dad. They really piss me off. I am living like a frickin hermit here. She agrees with me that life is shit-on-a-stick for a 17 year old..nearly 18, but the thing is what can I do when I’ve got another year of A levels to do…? She offered to give me a place to stay at hers with her boyfriend but I wouldn’t have my own space and it would be too far to travel to my 6th form. Plus the college near her doesn’t do my Theatre Studies A level so I wouldn’t be able to transfer there. You reckon my M&D would let me move away? Pfffffffffffffffff no fucking way while the moon is round…

The worst scenario right now is with Lee. Apart from the OBVIOUS that he’s NOT here and it’s half term, he and Annabelle are plotting stuff. Well, there are three of them, him, Annabitchface and Chloe who are buddies in the Halls of residence near his Uni. They are all on the Fine Art Course so they hang out etc. lee’s best mates are on the Film and Animation Course at the same Uni but they live in a house quite a long way from Lee. Now apparently there are two spare rooms in this house up for rent and Lee has suggested that to make the whole dealio cheaper, those three should move in with his buddies. There’s a huge room with two double beds in it and an en suit and another single room. Annafuckingslut wants her and Lee to live in there!!!!!!!

You absolute BITCH.

I mentioned that Chloe wanted to Skype with me, well she has been texting me while she gets her laptop so we have been getting to know each other. She can’t stand Annabellend either! She finds her arrogant, snobbish and nasty. Ha! She told me that A has a way with lee, like she behaves nice in front of him but as soon as he leaves or she’s not with him, she turns nasty. She, Chloe, has suggested to Lee that Annabelle has the single room and her and him share the big one. Thing is that A’s parents are rich and pay for everything. I reckon she’s got a credit card so she can buy anything she wants on them. It would make sense for her to have her own room so that Chloe can help lee out with the rent for their room. I don’t know Chloe that well, but I would rather he share with her than Annabelle. PLUS, Chloe has brilliantly pointed out that my parents would feel better about me sleeping in that shared room with her and Lee than just with lee. (As if Chloe would stay there though….no no no we have already discussed that as Chloe has got another flat that we can stay in or she can stay in! MY PARENT DON’T KNOW WE ARE TOGETHER so if I wanted to go to London it would be all above board! (in their eyes until I get there haha!) Plus they think that Annabelle is Lee’s girlfriend (makes puking gestures) so it’s all covered for future fun and games!

So yes. Where the sweet fuck is my beautiful, sexy boyfriend? Still in pigging London that’s where. WORKING. As usual I am the last person in his life to know what’s going on. As in the summer, he has to think about his job in the bar, his Mum and sister desperately missing him, his Dad, (who he is still properly raging at) wanting to see him and ME. Yes. His secret lover who remains in the background. FUCK. The last thing we spoke about was that he might be able to come here on Wednesday until Monday. Let’s fucking hope so.

I wish I could just pack a bag and go go go to London right NOW. Fuck college work and working for my Dad. But no. Sensible Casey says she needs driving lessons and to get her work done so she can finish college and get THE SWEET FUCK out of here…..that’s what being with Lee has done to me! I’m all about the sensible. Well, sometimes…….

………….until I talk to DIMITRIS! He is threatening to come here. He doesn’t want to go back to Greece this half term without me and says that he can’t stand it, he misses me and wants to meet up. My parents agree that he can..yes because his parents are friends with my Grand YIAYIA and PAPOUS! Can you believe this shit………..what do I do? If Lee doesn’t come and Lee does, i don’t know if I can trust myself to NOT do something nuts like kiss him or sleep with him. If Lee does come (please please any God or Goddess who is listening…) then how can I have two guys who I adore, for different reasons, in the same vicinity and feel ok about it?

Me to Lee: Yes so this is Dimitri who I met in Thessaloniki and lives next door to my Grandparents and goes to Manchester Uni and who I find monstrously attractive in the sense that he’s crazy, rebellious and free spirited…like you are not………….

Me to Dimitri: Yeh, so this is Lee who I fell head over heels in love with last year because he’s so cute, loving, loyal and sensible, all the stuff that you and I are not and that makes him my polar opposite…as well as being drop dead gorgeous and sexy, as he’s the one I lost my virginity to…..and would stick by me through WW3 unlike you Dimitri…..

*SHOCK*

Hmmmm………….

I am in a shitter of a dilemma. As usual. I will be back later. Right now me and Aunty S are going to cook our vegetarian roast dinner to eat with M&D.

Laterz ………..oh I will be up here with S drinking beer. At least for a few days we’ve got a car to go out in and go buy stuff………….just to breathe.

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