A change would do me good…dream on

January 29, 2013

That Groundhog day feeling  is still gripping me. Here’s my life:

Lee

A few weeks ago I was miserable because I wanted Lee and I missed him. Now I am miserable because he’s my boy and I can’t touch him or make plans with him. At least he is borrowing his mate’s laptop so he can Skype with me now. We do it every night at about 10pm. The first night we did it I was totally transfixed to the screen. I couldn’t switch it off. Laugh if you like, but we left it on all night and slept. I woke up and all I could see on the screen was Lee’s hair and his arm. We had the laptops on our beds and had fallen asleep. I probably looked hideous, good job I woke up first! I am a little bit concerned about Annabelle. He has told me at least 3 times that there’s nothing going on but sorry I am miles and miles away, stuck in my attic, thinking. I saw her and how she was with him that day she came round here. Her body language sang out ‘Lee’s mine’. I am not being paranoid here. Men are so friggin stupid when it comes to the female race, they never think that certain behaviour might be a clever ploy to win them over. If I said to Lee that Annabelle wanted him he would laugh at me. I know she does and the ‘man troubles sob story’ she’s giving him doesn’t wash in my machine! I get so pissed off. Just the thought of him and her makes me raaaaaaaaaaaaage! He genuinely has fallen for me though. I can tell in his voice, the way he speaks to me, the way he stares at me on Skype. I can’t believe we didn’t get to kiss each other goodbye. That’s what he warned me about. I have to keep thinking, as much as I miss the ass off him, it’s better than just pretending to be friends. I just don’t see a future. I want him in it, but I can’t figure out how that’s going to work.

Day to day routine

My days consist of waking up very very early to walk Chester. It has been hideous the last few mornings. Windy and dark. Chester cheers me up though when his tail starts wagging. He’s always smiling!

I then text Lee his good morning message, have a shower and gussy up. I like listening to Paramore in the mornings. It gets me moving. I do the last bits and pieces of my college work needed for that day and sort out my bag. Text Lee some more. Then I take all my stuff down and join M&D for brekky. There’s always some kind of jibe about my hair or my clothes and sometimes a  massive argument. Trouble is, the more they tell me not to do something or wear something, the more I do….

Dad then drops me off at the bus stop and I meet Kate on it. She’s really my only mate here now. The only person who I can talk to. It takes us about half an hour to get to college and we grab a coffee in the canteen and chat until our form session starts. I hate form session cos Kate’s not in it and the others are basically morons. When we have debates and discussions they come out with the dumbest crap you could ever imagine. Really? You are all 17? What, 17 months maybe yes.

Then the rest of the day is about lessons. I LOVE Art lessons but I’m not feeling the Theatre Studies much. I was led to believe that it would involve more set design and costume design but it’s not so far. Also my English Lit course is doing my head in. We studied one decent book, that was a Thomas Hardy one, and the rest have been dull as shit on a stick. It’s difficult doing all this work. I have started doing even more in the evenings now as well to take my mind off Lee so imagine how the average Jo Blogs student must be handling it.

I plod on.

Paranormal Stuff

I haven’t written about this very much. I think it’s cos I’m scared that if I open myself up to it, it will become bigger and manifest itself more and more. I’m not frightened. In fact it fascinates me. It’s just that it’s a big deal at the moment and I can’t cope with it, the effort of trying to figure out what’s going on. I have seen three apparitions in my attic area. Two in the bathroom and one in front of the door. Now I have started hearing voices. Two nights ago I woke up to the sound of someone saying ‘Mum, mum, is that you?’  in my ear. I thought i must have dreamt it and I laid there just trying to recall my dream. I dream a lot. But I realised it wasn’t connected in any way to the dream I was having. My dad taking me up in a hot air balloon shaped like a garden shed over Tibet? No. Not connected! In the bathroom, where the presence is always strong, that morning I swear when I looked in the mirror it wasn’t my face. Similar, that’s why I didn’t catch on straight away, but not my face. What the heck?

Music

Of course Paramore! But I’ve been listening to the Levellers new album, ‘Static on the Airwaves.’ It’s pretty good. I love the fiddle combined with rock and their distinct irish folk flavour that kicks ass. They kick ass.

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4 Responses to “A change would do me good…dream on”


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  2. primalnights Says:

    Casey. Love is a big hairy mess isn’t it! First you were going nuts to not have him now your nuts because u do! I’m glad you get to Skype him that’s really cool. I’m jealousies.

    I REALLY like Static on the Airways. And I like anything with an interesting harmonica in it.

    I’m spurious if you like Ryan Adams. Give this a listen and tell me if u like it. It’s not his usual stuff this is king of different for him but I like this.

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dRnoh86FD2A

    Glad you have lee

    • Casey Says:

      Thank you Primal.
      Yes, love is a mess…nothing is ever quite how you want it to be but I guess that’s life. Have to keep thinking back to how shitty I felt when we were only friends and he didn’t know how I felt!
      Have you seen Catnip lately?
      Yes I love Levellers. I love the mix of rock and folk. And I love the stuff they sing about.
      I will listen to Ryan Adams and let you know. Normally I like rock/indie/alternative music so let’s see, I love listening to new sounds!


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