Purgatory

January 20, 2013

Another weekend on my own dreaming and contemplating the future.

I feel as though I’m trapped in the same Ground hog day over and over again.

Get up for college, go to college, come back, eat, do college work, listen to music, surf the net, talk to Lee, go to bed.

Is this it?

I hate January.

I may not even see Lee at February half term. He is skint. London drains him of all his allowance from his parents and they are not at all well off. How can he afford to travel back here? He keeps saying his Dad might fetch him but

we are not supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Why, in that case, would he justify spending all that money on petrol?

Obviously I can’t go and spend the week with him staying in his Halls room. Can you imagine Mum and Dad’s reaction?

I could lie and say I am with Stella but then I don’t think Lee would agree with my lying. And where would I get the cash for the train or bus?

Fucks sake. Lee went on and on about how it would be hard for both of us if we went with our feelings. Long distance relationships are hard. There isn’t even a day to look forward to when I can defo say that I will see him. Summer holidays? Holy crap……

I really don’t usually listen to Avril Lavigne but I am loving this right now

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it okay
I miss you

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