Slipping out of my hands……but I kissed him and he confessed

December 31, 2012

He said we should ‘let the dust settle’ and then approach my parents about it.

We have been acting as best buds since then. I am a fucking good actress! He is too, worst luck. He is acting differently towards me though, I can feel it. He stares at me a lot as well. We are sat watching a DVD and he’ll look over at me. I don’t look directly at him, just pretend to be watching the film to see how long he looks for. It’s longer than ever and it’s more than friendly. I look up and he snaps out of some daze and smiles at me as if to say, Jesus this is so difficult. TELL ME ABOUT IT!

We did go out for a walk in the fresh evening air last night. Mum and Dad were out and they had a little (humiliating) chat to me before they went saying that they ‘trusted’ me not to fool around (their choice of wording!) with Lee in my room and to be mature about the situation. Hmm. What could I do? I was pleased that they were allowing Lee in the house when they weren’t there to stick their beaks in, so I shut up and put up. It was really nice, though.

We walked with Chester to the woodland where we used to spend time in Summer. We just talked about family mostly to start with and then Lee brought the subject of Annabelle up. She’s coming on 2nd January for 3 days. Fucking cool. Not. He told me that she has been having a lot of problems with her (much older) boyfriend who she has been with since she was 16. She’s now 20. Apparently he has been hitting her, which is shit. He has tried to get her to break up with him but so far she can’t seem to find the strength. Her parents don’t believe her (wtf?) and they worship the ground he stands on for some reason so she wants to come and stay here with Lee for a few days for a break. She will be in the spare room, I asked him. Fuck I am so jealous even though he insists they are just good friends. Oh, and she is looking forward to meeting me. Yeh, I bet. So she can laugh at me being young and silly, being grounded by my parents! Jesus. Will this nightmare ever end?

I tried to sound excited by the prospect of meeting her, but it was so hard. I wanted to cry actually. Yes, Casey Cry? Woah.

Anyhow. We had a weird experience with Chester as he managed to get off the lead. God knows how, I still don’t get it. We chased him through the dark. He totally ran off the little shit. So we were hacking our way through bushes and stuff when I fell and landed right on Lee. I won’t pretend, I really enjoyed it cos his body got kinda trapped against a tree and I was like, whoops sorry! I could just see his face in the shadowy light and he was smiling. I couldn’t help myself, I just wanted to kiss him so badly. I couldn’t control my face and it went really near his. I heard him go ‘Case’ and then I was vaguely aware of his hands on my shoulders…was he pushing me away? I don’t know but I chose to totally ignore it. I felt his nose on my cheeks all warm and felt his breath. He is tall and my neck was stretching. I was balancing on the balls of my feet and my calves were pulling like crazy. Then my lips kinda collided with his and it was like a hot bolt going right through me. Oh man…it was very short but I can still feel it, right now. Deliciously soft and warm. I have been over and over this moment in my head a gazillion times since it happened…

It was only a split second of bliss and he had gently pushed my shoulders away. He was looking at me but I was swooning and I couldn’t focus on reality for a few seconds after. He then said ‘Oh my God.’ and carried on staring. The next thing he was doing was holding me in an amazing hug, both of us with branches and leaves sticking in our sides and faces. It was amazing.

He then said (after what seemed like hours to me) ‘Come on, let’s find Chester.’ and we clambered out of the bushes. There he was just sitting there wagging his tail. As if he had planned it. (Chester, not Lee hahaha).

So we started walking. Neither of us really knew where, we were just putting one foot in front of the other. We are never stuck for words and we never have awkward silences, but we had a bit of one then. I was looking up at him every so often, trying to read what he was thinking and feeling without making him feel claustrophobic. I hate it when people do that to me, staring, expecting me to speak. I was subtle and kept walking, my heart thumping in my chest and my legs still all jellish. Then he goes:

‘Casey. I really like you. Honestly I do. I have liked you as more than a mate since I met you but I didn’t know how to approach it.’

That was when I couldn’t open my hole and speak.

Silence.

We had both stopped walking and Lee was digging his shoes into the mud and looking at the floor.

I don’t remember what I said exactly but I told him, with my heart in my frickin mouth, that I felt the same and what were we going to do?

Then he said this.

‘We can’t do anything right now, I told you.’

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

More later. Mum’s calling me. I think Lee’s here…………..

 

 

 

 

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