Bitter Sweet

December 23, 2012

Oh Jesus.

So this is what happened last night/this morning. (*glee*)

So, at about 2:30pm Mum called from downstairs and said that Lee was here. You can imagine what I’d been doing since I wrote my Blog. Getting myself ruffled and sexy! I shouted at him to come up and before I knew it, there he was, peering round my door grinning,

He gave me the biggest bear hug I have ever had and I was giggling like a fucking lunatic the whole time, my face felt like I had eaten a banana sideways. He then started to put is fingers through my hair and examine it. I was like an icepop on a sunny day. Splurgh!

I was bright red and so was he, his hair has grown loads it seems and he kept brushing his fingers through it and shaking his head at me as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. I was like, erm, have I grown a mutant wart somewhere? But he was staring at me in a really nice way and then he said, (yes, in capitals!)


HOT! HOT! HOT! You heard right.he said it! (Only once and slightly under his breath, but he DID).

He then got embarrassed and stared apologising and saying that was insensitive etc etc. I goes, not if you really meant it! Then he fucking changed the subject and started asking me ‘how I’ve been’ . How have I been? A fucking miserable insomniac, Lee, that’s how. But of course I didn’t say that. I sat on the bed next to him and started rambling about bullshit every day crap. That’s what we usually do. I love our gossips and little private jokes about people and situations, but I wanted more!

Anyway for another ooooo I dunno, 2 hours, we talked and laughed. Oh my GOD we laughed about so much shit. I was crying at one point and thought I’d have to get my inhaler out. He’s hilarious. (Oh, and he kept putting his hand on my LEG when he was talking, like he wanted to keep my attention. I don’t think he realised he was doing it. It defo got my attention!)

Then frickin Mum came upstairs. I could hear her hovering at the door, afraid to come in. There are no other rooms up here on my level so I reckon she was trying to eavesdrop. Cow. Anyway I shouted ‘Yes Mum!’ and she eased her way in with some FOOD. It kind of broke the spell a bit cos he immediately shifted his sexy ass away from me and sat with his back against my head board. This was noted by my Mum cos her eyebrow raised up and she couldn’t get out fast enough. I could tell she wanted to say something but she chickened it. She bloody made up for it this morning though, I can tell you. Shit!

When she was safely out of earshot I asked him why he had moved so fast. He was like, did I? Er, yeh man you did! So he told me that he was probably protecting her from thinking something had been ‘going on’. I was feeling brave and very flirty at this point and I said ‘Like, what could possibly have been going on?’ with a smuggly grin on my face. (I just made that word up. It means something combining smug and sexy/playful). He started giggling and nudged me. He then said, ‘You know, STUFF.”


I then said, again trying to push the subject, ‘So what if we were?’ and then he went serious. Silence for what seemed like ages. Then he said something about my Dad knowing his Mum really well and we would have to be so careful cos they could stop us seeing each other…..

I kind of hazed out like I was in a coma and just coming round. I don’t know why but I couldn’t take in what he was saying. I was aware that I had a piece of pizza in my hand and that a bit had dropped off onto my duvet, but apart from that I was mashed.

Then he was going ‘Caaaaaasey?’ in a cute singing voice and I forced myself to snap out of it. I think I was in shock or protective mode, like I didn’t want to hear anything negative so my brain wasn’t allowing me in on the convo. Fuck knows!

‘I’m just saying I know what my parents are like and how they think. It’s that small community mentality. You’re younger than me, everyone’s going to be protective. Your parents are the same, especially your Dad. I wouldn’t want them to stop us seeing each other that’s all. ‘

Do you know what I said? YEH YOU ARE RIGHT.

Yeh, you are right. What the fucking fuck??????!!!!!

I went a bit slopey after that. (My mood started going downhill a bit). Lee also started yawning and saying what a long day he’d had. I knew that, he had been up at 5 getting his Halls room sorted out and cleaned for the inspection. They have an inspection every end of term to check that nothing is damaged. He then travelled 6 hours on the train, so yes, he must have been knackered. That’s when I asked him if he wanted to watch a film and he was like, yeh, let’s chill out for a bit.

So I got a hand full of DVDs and we chose Insidious and The Awakening. We love ghost stories.

I turned the main lights out and had my little lamp on with my blue fairy lights that are around my bed frame. Oh God it was so romantic I was like…….ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Have you ever stopped in a moment like that, when you think, I’ve GOT to treasure this. Store it away exactly like this, so I can recall it in all its perfection whenever I like? That was one of them. Lee kicked his boots off and plumped up both my pillows while I sorted out my laptop. In hindsight, not great to watch it on the laptop as I used a tray that Mum had brought up and propped it between our legs. Non contact, casey! NO!

He was laying on my bed……with his arms around his head. Lee was ON MY BED. First time. I hope not the last!

I kind of sat with my legs curled up, on my side, propping me head up. It meant that I wasn’t too far away from him and my knees were in front of the laptop so they were almost touching him. I could feel my face glowing bright red the whole time. I did not watch those films like I usually do. My attention was on the space between my knees and Lee’s jeans. I kept edging further in, hoping he didn’t realise. he seemed engrossed in the film except when he occasionally looked at me, smiled or grimaced at something that was going on.  I could tell he was aware of our closeness, but I suppose for him it was a bit scary. He wouldn’t have wanted me to think he was about to take advantage of me. I wish to God he fucking would! Ha!

I don’t know what time it got to be, but Lee’s eyelids started drooping and I took the piss out of him a few times and he laughed and stretched a bit to wake up. My knees touched his legs then and he didn’t pull away. Next thing I knew he was asleep cos I couldn’t wake him. I thought he would wake up when the second film finished, but guess what guys? I FELL ASLEEP BEFORE THE END!

And guess what I found when I opened my eyes? Lee had his arm round me and I had my head on his chest. Oh sweet Lord.

I tried to stay so still so I could enjoy it, but I had a hideous thought. That was about the time. It was LIGHT outside! I tried to edge my head up over Lee so I could see my clock but that woke him up. He opened his eyes and immediately that he saw me started laughing his head off! Then he pulled me closer and gave me a huge hug. A horizontal hug, no less. HEAVENLY.

The he started swearing as he realised it was light in my room. He had to pull away to look at his watch and his face went to shit. He buried his head in my pillow and yelled ‘Frickin 10:45 IN THE MORNING!’

He was smirking and chuckling though, So was I. Until I realised I probably had the sickest morning mouth ever and my make up had probably been distributed on his tshirt.

He said he had to go and that he’s call me later on to do something. I could tell he was shitting himself. I guess it’s worse for him cos he’s the 19 year old man. The blame, the blame! hahaha

So we both went downstairs and Lee explained to Mum what had happened. She seemed ok with it and I thought, cool. It’s ok. As soon as he had gone (too suddenly for my liking) she started laying in to me! She was saying that Lee is 19 and I am only 17…what were we thinking, spending the night upstairs? I tried to explain again but she didn’t believe me. It’s always me who gets the shit, like she thinks the worst of me all the time!

Anyway, I have to go downstairs now as Dad’s back and he wants to talk to me. Great. Another row. I don’t want them to stop me seeing Lee so I have to try and be calm about it. Lee has been texting me all day cos Mum spoke to his Mum. He keeps begging me to keep cool about it. His parents trust him though, that’s the difference! He wanted to go out to the woods with Chester this afternoon but Mum made me fucking stay in and help her with Christmas food. So if I go and talk calmly and maturely with Dad, I will hopefully be let out of prison this evening. Won’t be sleeping with Lee again though, sadly. SADLY that’s all we DID do. Fucking SLEEP! Oh well, progress!





5 Responses to “Bitter Sweet”

  1. primalnights Says:

    I will give you my thoughts on this. Heve you seen the movie Hitch? There is a scene where he is teaching a client about good night kisses. He tells a male client to come 90% of the way towards kissing then letthewoman go the last 10 percent of the way. He sounds like a nice guy and he is waiting for you to come the last 10%. A nice guy does not close the last 10% very often. And no matter how clear you might be you have to close. He is already interested and making it clear. He is not going to Risk much more if he really likes you. To much risk if he comes 90% and you don’t come the rest of the way. He is already in your room in your house with your mum. One little cry from you and it’s over for him. Don’t know if the makes ine but good luck.

    • Casey Says:

      Hi primal,
      Thank you so much for your advice. In my heart I am thinking he has feelings for me, it’s like an intuitive thing, but still my head says NO and tries to convince me it’s just me having fantasies. There is a lot at stake. We are best buds. Also my parents and his parents know each other well. He is away most of the time at Uni so it would be easy for him or my parents to ban me from seeing him. I can’t stand the thought of that. My problem now is that yesterday I was only allowed to sit with him in the living room downstairs and watch TV. My parents have got their beady eyes on us, big style. Going the remaining 10% is impossible! So frustrating! My grandparents are coming today so that makes it even more difficult to get time alone with him….How are you? have you heard from Catnip?

      • primalnights Says:

        I think of you and what your going through often, because is many ways it is what I am going through. It is so easy to be consumed by a relationship. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. For me it is both. My realtionship is so similar. Were great friends, I know she cares, loves, feels for me. But how much and how to define it is so challenging and frustrating. You have the challenge of distance and youth and parents to deal with as well so Im sure its frustrating. I will add my two cents and I will do it in the way I live it. And I will admit that I only know a little bit about you, him and the the two of you. I think that in general, men only have friends with women they are interested in. So he is a bud, but he is also interested in you. If there is sexual or romantic tension there, he sees it as well. The question is does he FEEL it. That can only be found by risking it. If you take a risk and tell him or push the boundries a bit and it offends him, he will tell you, he wont just bail on you. If your friends he will forgive you, but I think the odds are he likes you in much the same way. But you can die on the vine wondering, for years, or take a risk. The other thing to consider is how delicious the tension IS. Once you press him very much, that tension will change and rushing through it rather than enjoying it may be a mistake. So timing is an issue to.

        I say catnip yesterday. FINALLY. It was one month and one day. But yesterday seeing her was great. I put a post up about it.

        Here is a video I think you might like that fits our lives

      • Casey Says:

        Hi Primal,
        Thank you for your thoughts. I just got online to write a new post about what has happened New year and since. We are making progress although he wants it to be slow. As you point out, he is at Uni and has a lot of freedom there, whereas I don’t. He has a totally different life to me and is more mature in his outlook. We have discussed a lot of things and he has admitted he has feelings for me. I kissed him and he liked it and at the same time it freaked him out. We will see how things go. I have to put my wants aside for now and respect him.
        Thanks for the video. I totally agree with this. I tend to be the one who always dives right in and doesn’t think of consequences but I think there has to be balance. I told him and we are moving on, closer than ever I think.
        I am going to read your new posts. Thanks a lot!

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