Alone in the attic….

December 3, 2012

Yeh, so I want to talk more about Lee.

I still think that he was hinting when he said sending roses was inappropriate unless he was my boyfriend. After all, he was the one who approached me in the woodland behind our houses in the summer. He was the one who kept watching me and then trying to get my attention whenever he saw me walk past his house. Why would he do that? He’s got loads of mates from here, he told me that, so why would he want another one? Yes, we are amazingly close friends, but I have always felt some electricity between me and him. I don’t think I’m imagining it. I could hardly sleep last night and I’m knackered today. I was thinking about everything that has happened since June and I don’t know what he really wants from me. If he wanted me as a girlfriend, wouldn’t he have said so before now? That evening when he got back from London and he was waiting for me when I got back from hunting in the woods for my ipod; the way he hugged me. Come on! Then again, he’s really sensitive. He’s not the type to go headlong in a macho, dickheaded way and expect me to go along with it, like most guys do. Like they’re sent from some sacred place and we have to fall on our knees. No. Lee isn’t like that.

Kate reckons he’s as scared as I am. Maybe he doesn’t want to spoil our closeness. The night we talked after he sent me the flowers, I could tell I had  upset him because he wasn’t responding to me like he usually does. He went all quiet and I can tell when he does false laughter. I tried to explain that I LOVED the roses and that I would accept them in any capacity (friend or girlfriend) but all he said was, really quickly, ‘It’s ok, Case, really.’ and started talking about some new album he bought. I’ve probably driven him right away now. Should I send him some flowers back? Put a note in that says something like ‘I sent you these, even though you said it was inappropriate. Maybe we should make it appropriate?’

He would get that.

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