Sunday Sanctuary part 2~ (un)requited love?

December 2, 2012

It’s sooooo cold.

Had a brilliant Saturday with Kate and Stella. Stella came down and met Kate for the first time so we had a blast. I thought it might be really awkward as they’ve never met, but they got on really well. I guess it’s my first reaction as I’m so crap at making friends. Just cos I can’t talk to strangers, it doesn’t mean other people are the same. As I have said loads of times before, I have to start giving people a chance. I am kick ass in so many ways, and I know I can be a right bitch, but with people I don’t know I’m just unrecognisable.

Anyway, we watched some films, namely one called ‘Apartment 143’ which I LOVED. It was another Paranormal investigation type film like Grave Encounters and The Asylum Tapes, but better. The girl in it was amazing. You didn’t see her that much cos she was the rebel who stayed in her room and kept telling her dad to f-off, a bit like me really, but she became possessed and we were all like, wooooaaah! Here are some pics:

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We also watched ‘Absentia’ which is a fricking cool arty film about missing people, having being taken by strange creatures, ‘underneath’.

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We were all sitting on my bed clutching my cushions. No one spoke for like, 2 hours, and then at the end, Stella just went. ‘Oh my fuck.’

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I really liked the girl’s style in it as well:

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Man, I love a good indie horror film!

Now to the rawness that is my whole existence. I spoke to Lee. I eventually stopped being such a dick and phoned him back. I realised that I had gone and done what I was threatening to do a while back..ignore him. I didn’t mean it to be malicious, but he thought I was being offish with me and sounded really upset about it. I thanked him for the roses and tried not to sound too mushy. He didn’t know what to say at first, and then he said he thought I was ignoring him because I hated the roses and ‘didn’t think it was appropriate’. I asked him what he meant by that, but he just said that maybe ‘our current situation wasn’t the right one for me to send you flowers, after all that’s what a boyfriend would do.’

WTF? Maybe he was trying to hint? I’ve asked Stell and Kate about it and they are like, ‘Just ASK HIM OUT’ but I CAN’T. I am so scared he’ll reject me and then we won’t talk for days and days, if EVER and I will hate myself for doing it and losing my best mate. I don’t feel for him as a best mate does, that’s the frickin deal. I love him to distraction. Stella reckons that there’s no winning for me so I might as well tell him how I feel. I mean I get it..when or if he gets a girlfriend, how am I going to continue talking to him every night, pretending to be happy for him? CAN I do that? No. I don’t think I can. Can I go out with anyone else? NO. Does best buds mean you should be able to tell them anything? YES. Would he reject me gently and go on as if I hadn’t made a total as of myself? Maybe. Oh god I just don’t know. 😦

Oh well. Best get down to my work. The only thing that takes my mind off him. Well for like, 5 minutes until I start the mind whirl of going over his words again and again and ending up plugging in my earphones and listening to my Lee playlist of heart wrenching tracks. Why is it so hard?






One Response to “Sunday Sanctuary part 2~ (un)requited love?”

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