November 8, 2012

It’s Thursday. It’s been a hectic week so far at college, loads of coursework to do, and loads happening with friends and Phil. It’s over with him and I don’t really give a shit. He was pissing me off and flirting with more girls than I realised. Not just on Facebook either. Apparently he has been seen with his arm round a girl doing 2nd year of A Levels so I must have been one of many. I was a bit upset about it yesterday, but thinking about it, it’s HIM who looks a dick, not me. I heard that he was flirting around with someone that my mate Kate knows and he has been arsing around with her, leading her on, saying he wants to be with her and then blanking her. Join the club!

So today I walked into my Theatre Design class and there he was, leaning right back on his chair, grinning at me as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. I looked at him I was like, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I said it quite loud and everyone who was in there stopped talking and gawped our way, including Kate, who had come with me for morale support even though I wasn’t scared at all to tell the moron what I thought of him. She was trying not to laugh and turned away to stop herself. I went right up to his face, smiling, and said really softly ‘Everyone thinks you’re a f***g shallow loser.’

I then made a kind of ‘pffff’ noise and walked off, smiling. I sat with Kate who had gone across the room where the stage was and carried on talking as if nothing had been said. I could feel his eyes on me all the time, and even after Mr Jenks had come in and briefed us about the lesson, he was sitting there ON HIS OWN just staring. Three other girls on my course and a couple of guys came over and sat with me and they were all saying that he has started hitting on older girls cos first years know what he’s like and avoid him. I don’t get involved with gossip and useless chat about people so how could I know about his rep? I felt a bit of a div but they were really nice and said that it was him with the problem, not me.

(I need to start being more social with these guys. I mean, since what happened in the summer with Lee, I’ve been really trying to make an effort and listen to people and get to know them. Kate is awesome, but she is into most of the same stuff as me, so it’s easy. Other people I find hard to deal with as I find their convos DULL. For girls it’s makeup, fashion, boys. I hate fashion. I hate makeup cos it’s tested on animals most of it. That leaves boys. Well, again, I am choosy and in love with a 19 year old art student in London who happens to be my best mate. Not something I expect them to understand.)

So at 3 o’clock I was coming out of the common room and I could see him waiting outside. I pushed through the front doors and plastered a grin on my face. He put his FOOT out in front of me, can you believe that, trying to trip me up. I stopped there and turned to him and said ‘That’s the ONLY way you’re going to get my attention from now on and if you do it again, you’ll be seriously sorry.’ He started to say something but I was on my way. I heard him shout my name before his voice was drowned out by the noise at the bustop. Good riddance to that shithead.

I spoke to Lee and asked him what he had shouted to me behind the windows of the car on Sunday night. He wouldn’t answer!!! He went all quiet and I was like, come on TELL ME! He just started laughing and trying to change the subject so I guess I’ll never know. On a positive note, he told me that he thinks Annabelle has got a boyfriend, so HELL YEAH they are not together! YAAAAAAAAAAAY! I couldn’t make out whether he sounded gutted or not, but I mustn’t keep assuming. I’ve learned that people are very good at hiding true feelings and emotions and that things are rarely as they seem. I’m guilty of that myself, trying to hide myself away. I would hope that he would admit it to me though. We ARE best friends after all. Thing is I AM KEEPING A HUGE SECRET FROM HIM so why shouldn’t he be doing the same with me? All I can do is be patient. I don’t want to lose him.

I’ve got to do some research tonight so I will stop gabbling. We’re doing a graphics proj now and we’ve got to design a magazine article, layouts, colour schemes, fonts etc. I want to do something about cruelty free beauty products. I think it’ll kill two birds with one stone cos I think I should start wearing a bit of makeup. I’ve seen some cool eyeliner designs lately so I might experiment.

Abso gorg I reckon!

So I bid farewell for now……and remember. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

For Lee


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