I was just reading through Kerrang magazine and found this:
Well, we are all still alive!
I was talking to Lee on Thursday night about the ‘rumours’ surrounding the 21st. We were laughing about the extremes that some people were going to, building bunkers and stuff. I mean, let’s face it, if the world is going to end, who wants to be buried under ground and dig themselves out, only to find black rubble and post apocalyptic (a Greek word according to dad) NOTHINGNESS? Who wants to live in a toxic habitat with no animals or wildlife? No vegetation? I’d rather be dead anyway.
lee said something really cute. He said that if it happens, it happen. The only thing he would have liked was to be WITH ME. (Eeepp!)
I said the same. There was an awkward but warm silence and then he giggled. He then goes ‘I really miss you every day, Case’
After I had recovered from my jelly like state of leg numbness and finished swooning I said. ‘I feel the same.’ My voice was all croaky and wavery. This is not the Casey I once was!
I think it’s my Beginning. My Pagan New Year. I can feel a change in the air.
Check this out:
Some brilliant astronomic events happen at this time of year, that witnessed and recorded by our ancestors. The Sun has now been moving south in the sky perceivably from the Northern Hemisphere since Midsummer and on Dec 21st it will reach its lowest point in the sky. From here the sun will appear stay at the same position, resting in the centre of the Crux constellation (Southern Cross) where during this pause, the sun is said to have died. After 3 days on the morning of Dec 25th. The sun moves one degree North. The darkest days are now over and foretelling of longer days to come. So the Sun dies on the cross, is there for 3 days, then is reborn… doesn’t this sound remarkably familiar?
Why can’t people SEE that the Christian version is NOT THE TRUTH? COME ON PEOPLE OPEN YOUR EYES! Makes me so angreeeeeeeee!
Things are definitely shifting…
It’s like Lee wants to say more to me and I (despite my pathetic croaky voice) am quite bold in saying things back. We had no problem expressing our feelings to each other as friends, but I think we are crossing some kind of invisible line. More potent and more significant. Problem with me is I find it easier to say things in my heart either on the phone or by email/text. I just hope Lee can start the ball rolling. It would be sooooooo frustrating after all this time (half term til now, 2 months) to go from being sent roses and having flirty conversations, to acting as just best buddies when face to face.
Ok, so I must go now and get myself ready. He’ll be here at about 2. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!
I will post when I can but I think the next two weeks are going to be VERY eventful!
Happy New Pagan Year!
PS. NO DISRESPECT MEANT BY THE TITLE
I’m still ill. It really knocked me for 6, I still feel dazed and wobbly and when I sit up I get dizzy. Colds are viruses and Dad said it’s normal. It doesn’t feel normal! I need to be 100% for Saturday when Lee comes home. Oh I can’t wait. Time is going so slooooooooooooooooow…
Guess what? He sent me this picture. I remember taking it when we were walking through the graveyard in late August. I snatched his phone out of his pocket and he chased me for a bit and tried to trip me up, but I ‘persuaded’ him to pose. He knows I can beat the living shit out of him if I want hahaha. He hated it, but look what a GORGEOUS pic came out!
This is the ONLY photo he has let me have so make the most of it!
I certainly am.
He really can’t see how good looking he is. I can.
I have enlarged it and printed it out. It’s now up next to my bed. Casey, you sad sap!
I’ve got to go back to college tomorrow to get my Christmas project stuff and give in some bits and pieces I have finished today. Bloody Kate hasn’t been in touch, charming! I have been calling and calling. No text either. People really piss me off. That’s why I would rather have animals. They don’t let you down.
My hair has faded a bit but I’m going to dye it again tomorrow ready for Saturday. Lee said my hair looked ‘amazing’ by the way.
Oh I can’t wait to see him. I wonder how long I’ve got with him before a) Annabelle turns up and starts flinging her dreadlocks around and b) before my demanding grandparents arrive.
My parents don’t know what to buy me for Christmas and Mum is getting pissed! What?!
I have tried to explain that, like Valentine’s Day and other mass media consumer ‘delights’ it’s all for the sake of multi-million pound profit making companies to slurp even more profit from gullible people. Most people are already in debt and this will probably finish them off for good. Others may have kids who see all the adverts on TV and start demanding things that poor parents can’t afford. Come on! Most of the presents given this Christmas will either be broken or forgotten about by New Year. Bullshit. Plus imagine the resources used up from the environment! Paper,metals, plastics……Jesus.
I didn’t used to be like this, by the way. Only a year ago I was hoarding a PS3, Laptop, and various other gadgets under my bed because I had been bought them and simply couldn’t be arsed to open the boxes. My parents would give me anything I asked for so things had gotten like, I don’t know, valueless?
It was only when I got to know Lee and Lisa that it all came home to me how privileged I was. I don’t want to go into it as I have explained before, it’s weird and creepy, but just to say; THINGS DON’T MAKE YOU HAPPY!
So I have asked for some art materials.
Just got back from college and I’ve got my blue hair dyes. I got in during my lunch hour from a hippie shop round the corner from college. Mum eyed my bag suspiciously when I got in just now but I didn’t show her what I had in it as she would just forbid the whole thing. I am sick of living up to her and Dad’s standards, it’s stifling me. Mum’s still a bit arsy about the (slight) argument we had yesterday about going shopping for clothes. She gets all her stuff from Next and bloody French Connection, BORING, and expects me to just conform to the fads of the day. No I won’t. She will try and say that if I was meant to have blue hair, I would have been born with it. I can hear it now. She shut up once when we were on about tatoos (another one of my intended ‘projects’) and she came out with that line. I retorted ‘So if God wanted you to have blue shades above your eyes, he would have given it to you at birth and saved you money on eye shadow.’ OOOO she did not like that and Dad told me off for being cheeky! WTF. So hypocritical or have I missed something? If she says ANYTHING about my blue hair, I will simply come back at her with a question referring to why she DYES HER HAIR BLONDE at the roots! Eat that shit.
They are out tonight so I can chill out up in my room and do it without disturbances.
I spoke to Lisa again last night. She said that Lee had told her on the phone that Annabelle wouldn’t be here for the whole of the Christmas hols, just maybe a few days. Ok then I can take that. I tried to make out I wasn’t bothered cos I don’t want him to hear about my feelings for him from his sister. She sounded a bit surprised but changed the subject and started talking about the dyes that I told her I had bought. She offered to come round and help me but I would rather just do it on my own. Listen to some tracks, experiment with some eyeliner, watch a DVD or read a bit and have a nice ‘lonely’ evening with me, myself and I.
I thought about writing Lee a letter as well. Maybe as an email? But letters are more personal and he shares a laptop with his friend in Halls so it might not be secure or private to send an email like that. I can get his address from Lisa. Watch this space.
I’m being called for dinner so I will dye my hair after and hopefully get a chance to write another post tonight.
Mum has been trying to get me shopping for clothes. I know this is a bad idea from the word ‘shopping’. Why? Because all the high street shops are shit. The clothes are made by poor kids and women in sweat shops getting paid frickin pittance. I won’t buy from them. Mum says that Primark have a policy now about this but I don’t believe it. Plus I don’t want to turn up at college wearing the same jumper or coat as every other girl. I have done some sketches of clothes that I’d like to wear right now: (kinda self portraits as well, there is a resemblance for those who are interested in what I kinda look like!)
I’m going to ask Stella if she’ll help me. Maybe I can find some vintage or second hand website that sells some things like this and get her advice and ideas on how to ‘upcycle‘ them. He’s some info about upcycling:
This website is pretty cool, selling upcycled stuff. Looks like hippie stuff but that’s fine as well.
I’ve been so unfocussed on college work this weekend. I’ve been more inspired towards my new look and style ideas. I did this cool eye liner last night when I hung out with Kate. (Yes, it’s a photo of me! I’m still hating having my photo taken…)
I really want to go for it with this hair as well:
I’m blonde so I won’t have to bleach my hair straw-like to get the best effects.
I can’t wait. Watch this space!
Oooh we called it off again last night
But oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
I swear, if I hear this piece of shit that passes up for MUSIC one more time I will kick the holy living shit out of the radio/TV/IPOD or whatever, that has dared to inflict it on my ears.
Taylor Swift. GO AWAY